Charlie Barrett, Character Letter writers and the drama surrounding RR- a survivor's perspective...

Dear Climbing Community, 

I am writing to give my perspective on Thomasina Pidgeon’s appearance in Reel Rock 19,  as a victim of Charlie Barrett’'s crimes, manipulation, and intimidation, and also as someone who helped with the investigation that put him behind bars. The controversy I would like to address is that surrounding Thomasina’s decision to write a “character letter” to the court to support him in the sentencing, and her defensive reaction to being called out after that. Here is why I believe Thomasina now deserves our loving forgiveness.

First, I am not speaking for all victims and survivors, I am only speaking for myself. Each victim has had a unique and damaging experience throughout this saga, some for decades, and I am speaking from my own horrible encounter. My heart goes out to all of Charlie’s victims, the communities he has negatively impacted, and to all who feel the reverberations of his crimes and cruelty all over the globe. What I am about to say is triggering, and will cause some victims anger, and I am sorry. I am sorry for all who have been harmed by Charlie and for those in similar situations. 

I believe that Thomasina is also a victim of Charlie’s, and has been deceived and manipulated. She has since realized herself that she was wrong about Charlie and that it was a mistake to write a character reference. She has apologized both publicly and to me personally and requested the judge to rescind her letter because she now absolutely knows he was guilty and received a fair trial,  counter to what he so steadfastly deceived her into thinking.  She made a mistake, but I believe she does not deserve to be sidelined and crucified for her actions, especially after apologizing.

I do not believe she meant to hurt us intentionally or with malice, whilst Charlie clearly did. Charlie deserves to be silenced, forever. When we blame other people, particularly women, for the harm Charlie has inflicted on members of our community, we are giving him further voice and power, and we are perpetuating his violence. 

Charlie intentionally hurt people. He raped people, assaulted people, mentally abused and manipulated everyone around him, and he was cruel and vindictive. He hit women. He raped me on multiple occasions (by means of unprovoked nonconsensual choking to the point of unconsciousness), physically assaulted me (punched me), and relentlessly mentally abused and emotionally tortured me. Worst of all, he convinced me that I deserved all of this abuse, that he was a great guy, and that I was lucky to have been able to be with such a fantastic person as him. I was brainwashed and manipulated. He is masterful in this craft. This is why it took me a year to come forward and why people like Thomasina wrote him a character letter.

I now  have to go through the daunting process of forgiving myself and trying to heal. And because I know that Thomasina (who was in a vulnerable place of being an abandoned single mother) was manipulated and brainwashed by this monster, I want to forgive her too. I forgive others who have written letters and later apologized. Otherwise, I won't be able to forgive myself. I would be a hypocrite, stifle my healing, and not rise above Charlie’s terror.

I am offering my story to be a voice in a sea of controversy swirling around Charlie, and the people left drowning in the wake of his crimes. I’m a regular person who has a drab office job, likes dogs, my friends, skateboarding, and climbing. I’ve made awful mistakes, I’ve hurt people. But  I’ve also been kind and supportive. I’m just human. I’m flawed but growing everyday. But I am here to make a plea to the community as a survivor of Charlie’s crimes to open your hearts and minds to the reality of the terror he has inflicted and to heal through forgiveness, understanding, and most of all, love.  Retribution, relentless shaming, and condemnation are tools that Charlie used to irrevocably hurt people and destroy lives.

 Ironically, these exact behaviors are being subjugated on the letter writers, thus continuing the cycle of violence. I want to state very clearly that castigating dissident voices, sidelining opposing opinions, and intimidating witnesses is contrary to a democratic justice system and I find this horrific. The people who wrote the letters had every right to do so, whether I agree with them or not.  

We need to put the blame 100% where it belongs: on CHARLIE. Blame for violent crime doesn’t belong on people who wrote letters, on Reel Rock, on each other or ourselves. I would like to bring to light that no one has been convicted of abetting him in these crimes. Not Thomasina, no one. Charlie, a convicted violent sex offender,  is solely responsible for this mess. The more we take down and name call each other, his legacy and desire to cause harm in the community continues. He would love nothing more than to be elevated like this. He is a narcissist and this would fuel his vindictive ego like no other. Publicly canceling Thomasina? He would love that! Why? Because she realized she was wrong and apologized. 

Please don’t continue to fuel his ego. Choose forgiveness and love for all of his victims and let Charlie rot in his cell in obscurity. I will be joining Thomasina at the RR19 opening night in Boulder to show my commitment to my pledge of healing, forgiveness, and love. I’m glad that filmmaking can open difficult dialogue. I am happy to talk to people about my experience and am open to polite questions and respectful conversation. Please read my original post below.

Here was my original post from February 1, 2024:

Dear Climbing Community, I am writing to you to give you my perspective of this story, as a victim of Charlie's crimes and as a Federally protected victim in this investigation. In this forum, I have yet to hear one of our voices, so I created a safe account to speak up. Danger and retribution is very real each time I speak out. First, I am not speaking for all victims, I am speaking for myself. Second, I would like to thank the author of this article for articulating the main problem with Charlie's case: how did this go on for so long? I would like to tell you how, and perhaps alleviate some guilt you might be having, or to comfort you if you are feeling sad and confused about this situation. Are you asking yourself: How could I have been friends with someone like this? How did I not know? You aren't alone. Charlie is exceptionally charismatic, powerful, and endearing. He is funny, talented, and strong. He's a great guy-- until he isn't. Then, unfortunately the nightmare begins. His victims have been living this nightmare for a long time, all while watching him glitter and thrive in the community. My heart goes out to the other victims, particularly to Bonnie Hedlund and Lonnie Kauk, whom he has been torturing relentlessly for at least a decade. I'm sorry.

Charlie has magnificent taste in friends and in women. I know personally many women he has dated and they are incredible people, beautiful and talented. I am a doctor (not explaining what type for safety or IDing purposes), for example and probably not the first doctor, or highly educated woman to date him. How could super educated, accomplished, awesome women fall for a high school drop-out felon? The same reason Alex Honnold, Michael Pang, Jackie Hueftle, and many other accomplished climbers and community members were/are under his spell. He is super cool, handsome (when he takes care of himself), and mesmerizing. A big part of me worries that he will use this charisma to charm and seduce the jurors in his trial, similar to how Jon Krakauer explains that Dan Lafferty seduced a juror with flirtatious gestures to avoid the death penalty during the trial of murdering Brenda Lafferty and her baby in his book "Under the Banner of Heaven." Charlie has that type of sway, and if you have warm, kind thoughts for him even after this Outside article was published, he has this sway on you too. Yes, you. 

Do not blame yourself. Charlie has schemed his entire life to work people over and work the system over, to manipulate people. He is PRO. If you are his friend, and you want to write a character reference for him to the judge (which is what people in Mammoth are rallying to do even as you read this), that is exactly what he has worked so hard to get you to do. However, before writing that letter about what a great guy he is, maybe consider what it would be like to sleep with him, to have a fun relationship and boulder together or climb in the desert and watch him annihilate 5.13 trad. Mesmerizing, right? Then consider him punching you in the stomach because you said or did something "wrong." Then consider his hands around your neck, unprovoked, and then losing consciousness. Then consider perhaps how close you were to losing your life, on "accident" because his eyes glazed over and he didn't know when to stop. This is the character reference angle you don't have if you are "just friends" and thank goodness you don't. Because it is horrific. Maybe put that pen down, stop writing that letter, and imagine what that could feel like. Then maybe write "I'm sorry" to his victims instead.

Unfortunately, this trial, either convicted or not, will not be the end of his reign of terror. He uses many people to create a web of lies and support for his innocence. His crew blackmails witnesses online, and publicly shames them (Stephanie Forte is a good example). He manipulates his friends and family (his dad) into calling and intimidating witnesses. Behind bars, his campaign of proving himself innocent will continue. He will continue to manipulate people into befriending him, dazzling them with his funny jokes and convincing them to be his arm to gut punch his victims from behind bars. If exonerated, he will stalk the victims and actively try to ruin their lives himself; after all, someone will have to pay for him being in prison without bail for over a year. This trial may serve justice, but does not end the nightmare. 

I want to thank Officer McGee for risking everything, including her and her family's well being to investigate Charlie. He has been exceptionally cruel to her and her loved ones in this process. She is very brave for taking him on and should be honored for her service to the community. I want to thank my friends for supporting me. I also want to thank my friends who once supported Charlie, saw the light, and apologized to me or the other victims. I want to apologize to and thank the people who warned me not to date Charlie, who I brushed off, because, ya know, he is so fun! I need forgiveness for this as well. I hope this trial brings healing to the community as a whole, and also opens our eyes to dangerous people sooner. I hope this article takes the wool from peoples eyes, allowing them to stop defending a monster, forgiving themselves for having done so, and moving forward with healing in the community. 

Thanks for sharing! 

I find the whole character witness response in society to be weird. Someone can be a great employee and do kind things for their coworker. This doesn't exclude them from being capable of murder. People seem to think Charlie Barrett just walked around punching babies in his free time.  

Especially with athletes they can be very charming and popular. the center of attention etc but that does not make them all good people. 

These two messages from NotSaying Sparrow are extraordinary.  They are so good, they could be posted as "Best Practices" in mental health clinics and elsewhere around the world. THANK YOU and great work. 

IMO this has been an excellent dialog: an extremely valid concern was put on the table, aired out, examined, discussed, and understood more thoroughly, with all us readers receiving an excellent education on this vital topic.  Progress in action; climbing community should be proud.

It’s a wonderful thing to have the strength to display such compassion and grace in a situation where it would be so so so much easier and even justifiable in your position to hold onto anger and resentment. You have a lovely and intelligent perspective on life after this really terrible thing that happened to you, and I wish you all the best on your healing moving forward.

Buzz Burrell wrote:

These two messages from NotSaying Sparrow are extraordinary.  They are so good, they could be posted as "Best Practices" in mental health clinics and elsewhere around the world. THANK YOU and great work. 

IMO this has been an excellent dialog: an extremely valid concern was put on the table, aired out, examined, discussed, and understood more thoroughly, with all us readers receiving an excellent education on this vital topic.  Progress in action; climbing community should be proud.

Thanks for reading Buzz and the kind words. That really means a lot to me. 

Ally L wrote:

It’s a wonderful thing to have the strength to display such compassion and grace in a situation where it would be so so so much easier and even justifiable in your position to hold onto anger and resentment. You have a lovely and intelligent perspective on life after this really terrible thing that happened to you, and I wish you all the best on your healing moving forward.

Thank you Ally and thanks for being open minded to my perspective. Dialogue is key to growth and understanding and thanks for showing up.

I want to echo what Buzz Burell wrote--those two statements are extraordinary.  

NotSayin Sparrow, you may not feel this way, but you are truly an exemplary and inspiring role model for how to deal with trauma and grief.  Your contributions here could potentially and likely will effect many people far beyond this story and these circumstances. 

I am deeply impressed by your humanity, honesty, and capacity for forgiveness and love. 

Thank you for sharing that.  You've made this small space and the world a better place.

"Choose forgiveness and love for all of his victims and let Charlie rot in his cell in obscurity. I will be joining Thomasina at the RR19 opening night in Boulder to show my commitment to my pledge of healing, forgiveness, and love."
I'm so relieved to read your sobering, but compassionate, and extraordinarily gracious and empathetic ability to include Thomasina in your healing space. Particularly right now, listening and trying to understand how victims can be fully aware, or in denial, open, or hidden in plain sight, speaking courageously or struggling in paralyzed isolation, is so vitally important. You're spot on, perpetrators like Barrett enjoy seeing victims pitted against one another, when all need to focus on the common enemy, the ongoing societal enabling of abusive behaviors of all kinds.
Thank you for taking the time, and care, to so clearly express your experiences, and describe the difficulties around the controversy that has arisen around what was surely never intended to be more than a film study of a climb, and a family.

Bruno Schull wrote:

I want to echo what Buzz Burell wrote--those two statements are extraordinary.  

NotSayin Sparrow, you may not feel this way, but you are truly an exemplary and inspiring role model for how to deal with trauma and grief.  Your contributions here could potentially and likely will effect many people far beyond this story and these circumstances. 

I am deeply impressed by your humanity, honesty, and capacity for forgiveness and love. 

Thank you for sharing that.  You've made this small space and the world a better place.

Thanks for reading and listening, Bruno and ELA! I appreciate that you are open minded enough to hear out my less popular view. Thanks!

NotSayin Sparrow wrote:

Dear Climbing Community, 

I am writing to give my perspective on Thomasina Pidgeon’s appearance in Reel Rock 19,  as a victim of Charlie Barrett’'s crimes, manipulation, and intimidation, and also as someone who helped with the investigation that put him behind bars. The controversy I would like to address is that surrounding Thomasina’s decision to write a “character letter” to the court to support him in the sentencing, and her defensive reaction to being called out after that. Here is why I believe Thomasina now deserves our loving forgiveness.

First, I am not speaking for all victims and survivors, I am only speaking for myself. Each victim has had a unique and damaging experience throughout this saga, some for decades, and I am speaking from my own horrible encounter. My heart goes out to all of Charlie’s victims, the communities he has negatively impacted, and to all who feel the reverberations of his crimes and cruelty all over the globe. What I am about to say is triggering, and will cause some victims anger, and I am sorry. I am sorry for all who have been harmed by Charlie and for those in similar situations. 

...

Hi Sparrow,

I wish you the best and applaud your commitment to forgiveness, both of self and others. And I believe that's a really healthy process toward healing.

I'm also going to say, not so much for you as for the broader community, that others may not share the POV that only Charlie Barrett was to blame because after they suffered the initial insult of his crimes they suffered the additional injury of being gaslit, criticized, second-guessed, and even ostracized by other people for speaking out against someone who for whatever reason was "popular" or considered "elite" in the climbing world. So there's plenty of blame to go around to people who didn't commit the actual crimes in question but who also deliberately turned a blind eye or worse. I think that's why there's some drama around all of it still.

EDITED TO ADD: I don't know Thomasina at all and what I said above is not about her. I tend to agree that people whose sole action was to write a supportive letter about their "friend" at sentencing aren't villains. However, it's a fact that a significant number of people went out of their way to protect CB, long after they knew he was bad, and to mistreat his victims. Those folks don't get a lot of slack from me. 

Andrew Rice wrote:

Hi Sparrow,

I wish you the best and applaud your commitment to forgiveness, both of self and others. And I believe that's a really healthy process toward healing.

I'm also going to say, not so much for you as for the broader community, that others may not share the POV that only Charlie Barrett was to blame because after they suffered the initial insult of his crimes they suffered the additional injury of being gaslit, criticized, second-guessed, and even ostracized by other people for speaking out against someone who for whatever reason was "popular" or considered "elite" in the climbing world.  So there's plenty of blame to go around to people who didn't commit the actual crimes in question but who also deliberately turned a blind eye. I think that's why there's some drama around all of it still. 

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I want to be clear that I was addressing forgiving Thomasina. I am not saying that we should not hold his enablers accountable, but rather that I was an enabler of Charlie. I held him on a pedestal and let him abuse and beat me. So I enabled him too. Therefore, I don't feel as though I can point fingers at anyone and thus I have to forgive myself and others for this contemptible behavior.

I also don't think "blame should go around." Blame and finger pointing only cause more negativity. I think having difficult & polite discussions, accepting apologies when we receive them, and crafting deliberate policies (such as Safe Outside) are ways to positively change the community. If we stop accepting apologies, people won't feel safe giving them anymore. I asked the petition writers if they even bothered calling Thomasina to talk to her about her experience and NONE of them had. They don't even want to have a meaningful conversation with her. Doing so will probably change their narrative, like it did mine. I begged people not to write letters, and Thomasina even read my original plea and wrote one anyway, so clearly the letter writing deeply disturbed me. What did I do about it? I called them (the one's I had phone numbers for). I sorted my feelings out with them. 

It is my opinion alone, not other victims', that Charlie is 100% accountable for this mess since he is the root of this mess and harmed people with intention. His enablers, his sponsors, and his friends likely supported him because he convinced them to (just like I was convinced). I didn't support him and date him because I'm a horrible and malicious person. I did so because he is insanely convincing of his innocence and victimhood and is a cunning manipulator. I don't believe people purposefully turned a "blind eye", I believe most people turned "a clouded and brainwashed eye." Therefore, I cannot personally judge anyone who behaved this way. I can only acknowledge the damage I've done, change my behavior, apologize, and grow. If the enablers have done this, I forgive them too. Not all victims are at this stage, and that is totally understandable. 

Thanks for everything you have done for this case and saga, Andrew. You have diligently and deftly reported this on MP for all to participate, be informed and grow. You have uplifted and inspired me and I am grateful for you!

Hey Sparrow, I don’t know you at all, but you seem like an incredible person. Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective here. I tend to gravitate toward forgiveness and understanding (at least for people who have taken responsibility, acknowledge their wrongs, and are working to make it right and do better), but it can be difficult to find the appropriate balance between forgiveness and accountability, particularly when the harm caused is immense. All of that said, I found your take here refreshing, and wish you well as you continue your journey of healing and growth. The community is lucky to have you.

NotSayin Sparrow wrote:

Thanks for everything you have done for this case and saga, Andrew. You have diligently and deftly reported this on MP for all to participate, be informed and grow. You have uplifted and inspired me and I am grateful for you!

That's very kind of you. Thank you. 

- TRT wrote:

Thanks for sharing! 

I find the whole character witness response in society to be weird. Someone can be a great employee and do kind things for their coworker. This doesn't exclude them from being capable of murder. People seem to think Charlie Barrett just walked around punching babies in his free time.  

The government is going make all sorts of accusations in their sentencing recommendation memorandum, accusations perhaps never even brought up at trial, or anywhere.  The presentence report might provide a heads up for the defendant, or it might not.  A defendant could be completely blindsided by additional accusations.  The US attorney could reference twenty-year-old resumes, and spin some yarn off of some supposed gotcha therein.  Who knows.  The US attorney might say very specific things to assail character, such as  "the defendant lied on his resume [footnote] just like he lied to Witness 1 about the murder of murder of the Martian."  It's whatever referenceable narrative they can put forward.

A defendant most certainly should be able to amass character letters in defense of himself.  Because the State is doing the opposite.

If we want to address something weird, let's talk about victim impact statements.

And by weird, I mean ... grotesque.

To be expected to grovel before the State to convince them that your loved one was a real person, someone who mattered, someone who will be missed, I'm not sure I can readily think of something worse other than the actual malice that took his life to begin with.

Glad he's in jail.  He deserves it.  And I hope it's for a long, long, time.