Getting back to climbing after big fall + PTSD tips

As the title suggests, I'm seeking tips and/or camaraderie from those who've returned to climbing after a big fall or accident in overcoming/working with PTSD.

I have PTSD but don't remember the event. It's known in medicine that this happens (implicit + explicit memory). I've known a few others who've taken big falls have this too, I think the body does this for protection.. My system went through a 30 foot fall a few hundred feet high, sustained big injuries + waited most of a day for a rescue. I spent the next 3 months in the hospital + the better part of a year in intensive therapy.

I've just started lead climbing again and have noticed way more fear + PTSD physical symptoms than when I was TR-ing. It's probably from the autonomic nervous system + the long aftermath/impact of my injuries. I know how bad a fall can be, I never loved whipping before the injury anyway. The rock broke + gear ripped, so I'm trusting the systems + rock way less.

I'll probably be a granny climber for a long time, just go out for the adventure, not chase grades, get lots of mileage. While climbing, I'm over-gripping, not trusting my body even though I can do the moves fine on TR, not having relaxed breath, et. Climbing is way more effortful now. It reminds me how I climbed 11 years ago when first starting. My anxiety in general is sky high post injury. My psych has diagnosed me with PTSD, this isn't a dramatization.

Someone recently responded to the relay of my experience: "Everyone has a hard life, get over it". -_- Not forgetting that.. A lot of victim blaming rhetoric, "You have a victimhood mentality, you're not the victim get over it" just a few months after my brush with death while I was still in the height of my PT rehab. The main patient in a big accident kinda is a victim.. I've had some deep betrayal that's probably added its own trauma/complexity to this. Performative care from people turning to betrayal and attacking just a few weeks after. People over-involving themselves in media around my trauma and more fun goodies.. Don't worry, I have plenty of support otherwise, professional + friends/family.

Trauma is messy, life is messy. My heart is still reeling from my accident. I'm not looking for diagnosis affirmation, just for more specific rehab tips.

Not remembering an event doesn't mean you're not deeply impacted by it, non-explicit memories in the system + the rehab aftermath do a number.. I don't make the rules of biology, this is my experience..

Anywho. Besides exposure therapy, I'm curious if anything else has helped people?

EDIT: I do EMDR already, we haven't visited this event. I'll broach the topic. Thanks for all the caring input, hug + karma points for you guys.

Becca,

 It seems to me that you have already self prescribed your healing journey. What happend to you was MAJOR! Yes, I have some experience with a big accident. I exsacerbated the injury by trying to get back much too quickly. This turned into a 20 plus year epic body malfunction that required major surgery and 6 months of recovery.

 I don’t have any quick fix or even good advice. The one thing I can say is HAVE PATIENCE!
See you out there, Jim

After my big fall, I didn't trust a lot of gear either. I ended up doing a lot of scrambling on my hikes and looking for new routes and areas. Basically just getting out of my head, outdoors, and on rock in some way that wasn't specifically climbing. Good luck in recovery!!

Hi Becca. I took a 200ft fall alpine scrambling a few years ago. I don't remember the fall and I came out a lot more physically unscathed than you. The thing that was most helpful for me was a program called brain rewiring. Chelsea used to be a climbing coach when I did it and the program was formatted differently, but the principle is the same. An hour of structured meditations every day for a few months was intense, but also very helpful in getting back to a 'normal' place with climbing. 

The other thing that helped was gradual acceptance that I was a different person after my accident. I spent the first two or so years resentful to myself that I no longer wanted to push myself in the same disciplines that I had before (scrambling and alpine), and because I saw a successful recovery as getting back to a place where I could do this again. I know that getting back to the same place happens for some people, for my experience I ended up in a better place when I shifted my focus elsewhere at least for the time being. It took a long time to accept this for me. Anyway, that part might not be relevant for you. Today my anxiety is still pretty high if I were to go try alpine climbing again, but I can push myself sport climbing in a new way compared to pre-accident. There are still good days and bad days mentally for lead climbing and scrambling for me, but over time fewer bad days. I've been on a long journey of patience and self acceptance for sure.

Feel free to reach out if you wanna chat 

Sharing my experience: I had mild PTSD in the months after an accident on the Grand Teton. I decked from ~25-30 ft and was heli rescued, had bad lower leg injury and was non-weight bearing for 5 months after. I had some nightmares in the following months. Being physically broken prevented me from fully going back out and raging (I didn't touch rock until 8 months post-accident), but once I did I definitely noticed I was much more squirrely about exposure etc. I climbed mostly easy stuff that year to get my head back in the game, and after about a year I felt back to normal. I don't know if there's anything you can do besides ease back into it to re-train your brain that everything is going to be ok :) 

I just want to say that I think you and any other climber that is lucky enough to speak about an experience like yours and navigating themselves back into it is the epitome of grit. While I have nothing to offer in terms of helpful advice, I just want to voice my support for your return to climbing and all those who are having a similar experience to the OP . Keep it goin. 

Thank you all so much, taking in all your words + good energy, godspeed for us all

i can recommend EMDR for processing trauma and moving through it in a way that’s quicker and more effective than talk or exposure therapy. I’ve used it after bike accidents so not climbing specific.

it’s also been really helpful to me to cry when I need to cry, say when I’m scared, move how my body wants to move, etc. 

Becca, I remember reading about your accident so it's awesome to see you are back out on the rock a year later. While I don't have direct experience with a serious climbing accident I want to offer a bit of encouragement. I don't want to in any way diminish what you are experiencing but most of the "symptoms" you described sound pretty much like what new climbers, or even those getting back into it after a long layoff experience. Although maybe the volume is turned up to 11 in your case. Overgripping, not trusting gear, basic moves appearing improbable...like you said when you first starting climbing.

I think you're on the path and I'm sure you are aware there are many resources for the headspace of climbing, Arno Ilgner, Hazel Findley, etc. And fortunately climbing is a sport that you can participate at any level of risk that you are comfortable with so just take it slow and try to enjoy the process.

And I see no reason why you can't get back to the same level of confidence and ability that you had before and even exceed it. Think about pro cyclists who have a horrific crash and then go back out there and still manage to race again. It's amazing what the human body and mind are capable of overcoming.

Becca,

I've personally never experienced anything like you are going through, but have had partners that have.  For them, they had success getting back into climbing with a mix of top roping / sport climbing, and easy trad climbing (easy like waaay below your limit, so that falling isn't even a worry, or following).  This way you can still challenge yourself physically sport climbing, or TRing, without the mental stress of big fall potential, and still enjoy long trad routes.  They basically stayed away from anything that was remotely fear or anxiety inducing, and only focused on climbing that was simply, fun.  Honestly, this went on for years, and they both gradually got back to where they were before.  It just took some time. 

Glad you're OK after your accident, and good luck on your journey back.

I took a 60-foot slab fall about 8-10 years ago. I had to change things up. "Getting back on the horse" didn't work. I started bouldering. Eventually, I returned to trad climbing, but I think bouldering bridged the gap. As someone else suggested, EMDR is also an incredible trauma therapy. 

A friend of mine is offering Prolonged Exposure (PE) Therapy on a sliding scale (with a no-cost option, just ask her about it) while she completes the PE certification process. PE typically involves 10-15 sessions designed to help trauma survivors overcome fear, anxiety, and stress. It includes discussing distressing thoughts, breathing exercises, confronting safe situations, and revisiting painful memories to process them and reduce their emotional impact.

Sessions would be virtual, and you have to be a Pennsylvania resident. You can reach her at evaden@justfortodaycounseling.com or through her Open Path page: https://openpathcollective.org/clinicians/elizabeth-vaden/

Becca Joy Steinbrecher wrote:

Anywho. Besides exposure therapy, I'm curious if anything else has helped people?

It’s been 14 years since my tib-fib break. A slipped foot-smear precipitated the fall. Took a year to get back physically. And another year or two mentally - perhaps getting psych help would have decreased the time line. 

I’m like others. Patience and kindness to self matter. And enjoy the ah-hah moments too - discovering connections between now feelings and the fall. The now-feelings aren’t always negative.  And making the connection virtually always positive. 

Lots of great advice in here.
My addition:

Got decked from 30ft couple years ago. No physical injures beyond being sore, luckily.
The headspace/anxiety of trusting falls and new belayers was and is tough. What honestly helped was taking a whip on an easier trad route that was unexpected, and with a off the MP belay partner in Yosemite. The gear and belayer caught me, I was fine, and in that process it released a lot of anxiety.
Still some anxiety left in there that definitely still effects my peak performance, but for me, that kinda ripped the bandaid off so to speak towards truly enjoying myself again.

I very much recognize this is a type of exposure therapy, and is not the best way for some people to make progress.... but it def helped this middle aged gumby a ton.

Hi Becca,

Fellow rock enthusiast and therapist here. Some really great recommendations so far, love to see people offering their wisdom and experience. I wanted to second a couple of suggestions, The Body Keeps the Score!!! 100%. Every living, breathing person on earth would benefit from this book. Also, not sure what modalities of therapy you were exposed to but I would second EMDR, Brainspotting, or Somatic Experiencing. All of these modalities are less cognitive, and more somatic. That is, less talking and more feeling and focus on body sensation. This can allow your brain/body/nervous system to find healing that is more difficult to come by when we are in our “thinking brain” which is mostly the space we occupy in talk therapy. Feel free to reach out to me if you wanted to have a more in depth discussion, happy to help. May you find healing in your journey.

-Brandon

Hey! I’m a climber, mental health therapist, and climbing therapist based in Denver. Happy to talk about different paths/options for dealing with this! It sounds like you’re making some progress towards your goals and just need some extra support. Send me an email at Laurel@westwindcounseling.com or let me know how to reach out to you! 

I've gone through some real struggles with PTSD. Traumatic events in my life outside climbing and inside climbing, collided hard after responding to an accident on Mt. Hood in 2022. I struggled forward but came fully unraveled as the trauma from my work (ER/Trauma nurse) built up in fall of 2023.

Finding a trauma informed therapist, EMDR therapy and ketamine therapy in sessions with my therapist have me living a happy and full life again. I'm climbing as well as I ever have and showing potential to climb the best I ever have even though I just turned 45. My marriage is the happiest it has ever been and I'm a better more present parent. 

I would recommend these therapies to anyone who is struggling with PTSD and traumatic events. They have given me my life back after being suicidal. I know you only asked about climbing, but PTSD grows roots that will reach into everything if it's allowed. 

I sincerely wish you nothing but the best with your recovery. Feel free to PM me if I could help you in any way! 

Want to second Arno and (especially) Hazel as resources!

I had a scary fall this summer that left me battered and bruised, but NOTHING like you experienced.  All I want to add (other than echo all the support from others above) is that when I got back to leading I too was way over-gripping.  I realized that I hadn't properly gotten myself back into shape, so I got pumped more easily and this contributed to anxiety and panic.  I then started to focus more on my fitness for a while before getting back on lead outside, and that helped facilitate the process, which is still ongoing.

Becca, I remember reading about your accident. I’m so happy to hear you’ve made this much progress already -- and you should be really proud of that, no matter how challenging the return to climbing may feel. I myself had a serious accident in February last year, which I wrote about here. Broke my femur, could easily have died, spent two weeks in the hospital followed by a very, very long recovery, both physical and mental, which continues to this day. I've been thinking about writing something about this process but I'm not quite ready to share it publicly. But if you want to DM me, I'd be happy to talk about my experience one-on-one, whether by email, text, or phone. I will say that I'm back to climbing relatively hard (for me), and even enjoying it most of the time, though I'm still gripped by mortal fear now and then, particularly on low-angle terrain. That may never go away completely, but I've come to accept it, and even to see my "over-protective" mental habits as a good thing, in a way. I choose my routes very carefully, bail often, and honestly think (well, I hope) that I won't ever get complacent again.

In Dave McLeod's book, he recommends falling every time you climb.  I think this is good advice and could help you feel more relaxed on lead.

A nice resource, not behind a paywall:

https://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/skills/where_climbers_go_wrong_with_fall_practice-15536