Best partner quote(s)?

I’ve heard my partners say some crazy things over the years, and I’m quite sure I’ve uttered my share of nutty statements, but the thing I heard from my partner recently is by far the best quote from any of my partners…ever.

The setup: We were descending from Cathedral Peak late in the day and my partner was suffering from an apparent case of irritable bowel syndrome. While we sat for a moment enjoying the view just off trail, she frantically started dropping her day pack and removing her harness, letting me know her situation was dire. I indicated I would amble down the trail and started to stand up.

She darted behind a tree just 5 feet away, and in seconds started emitting the unmistakable sounds of bowels releasing wet gas.

While her body rebelled, she said the following, “You just heard me fart…Oh! Look! A Marmot!!”

I laughed till I cried, my maniacal cackling echoing off of Cathedral. I feel like our partnership reached a new milestone.

"Do you think we could get a helicopter to fly a  couple ladies of the night in, to join us on Dinner Ledge?" A Yosemite Mountaineering School  client that I guided up SFWC, in the 1980's. I don't remember his name. He prefaced that question with asking how big and comfortable was Dinner Ledge? 

This is a true story. I think it was the same guy who climbed a week in Tuolumne with the school, staying at a motel in Lee Vining. He took a two day aid climbing seminar, with Alan Bartlett (?), then did the Regular N face of Fairview with me. At the top of the first pitch he spewed all over. I just said something like "you had breakfast at Nicely's I see". He replied " yeah, how did you know?"

I suspect the only night he ever camped out was the night on Dinner Ledge. Without the female companionship, just to be clear. He could climb though.

My buddy and I are hungover climbing Devils Castle in Utah, I’m belaying him up to a ledge after a hard pitch and he’s totally out of breath looking haggard and quips “French free is still free”!

- I am leading the right side of a melted out waterfall.

Belayer" Left, move to your left......you better go left!!!!" 

This went on all the way till I topped out and I got as far left as possible.

I get back to the ground -

Belayer "You are not the brightest person for climbing that, and I told you to go left."

Me " It was pretty thin and rotted but I was as far left as I could go.... "

Belayer " Oh .... I meant go right, I always mix those up"

Scott Biegert wrote:

- I am leading the right side of a melted out waterfall.

Belayer" Left, move to your left......you better go left!!!!" 

This went on all the way till I topped out and I got as far left as possible.

I get back to the ground -

Belayer "You are not the brightest person for climbing that, and I told you to go left."

Me " It was pretty thin and rotted but I was as far left as I could go.... "

Belayer " Oh .... I meant go right, I always mix those up"

Dyslexia is a real thing

Stealing this from my partner's partner:

"If I can hit it on the way down, I can use it on the way up"

We were also on Cathedral Peak recently.....we were using Rocky Talkies, which my partner was resistant to........I asked him give commands and say my name, so as not to confuse who the command was for.

.......for the rest of the climb he would call out, "Belay on, my name"........or "Climbing, my name"..........

......at least I thought that was pretty funny......not so sure about other parties......

John R wrote:

We were also on Cathedral Peak recently.....we were using Rocky Talkies, which my partner was resistant to........I asked him give commands and say my name, so as not to confuse who the command was for.

.......for the rest of the climb he would call out, "Belay on, my name"........or "Climbing, my name"..........

......at least I thought that was pretty funny......not so sure about other parties......

...............................................................................

Eric Craig wrote:

"Do you think we could get a helicopter to fly a  couple ladies of the night in, to join us on Dinner Ledge?" A Yosemite Mountaineering School  client that I guided up SFWC, in the 1980's. I don't remember his name. He prefaced that question with asking how big and comfortable was Dinner Ledge? 

This is a true story. I think it was the same guy who climbed a week in Tuolumne with the school, staying at a motel in Lee Vining. He took a two day aid climbing seminar, with Alan Bartlett (?), then did the Regular N face of Fairview with me. At the top of the first pitch he spewed all over. I just said something like "you had breakfast at Nicely's I see". He replied " yeah, how did you know?"

I suspect the only night he ever camped out was the night on Dinner Ledge. Without the female companionship, just to be clear. He could climb though.

This guy sounds like a riot, hell yeah!

on an early season first of the season ascent of Le Promenade my partner told me where his keys and medical information was in his pack and then informed me that if anything happens on this climb its going to be a body recovery anyways...

 The first belay was hanging from 10 cm screws and He had to do some real climbing with no real gear for quite a ways as I recall, the last pitch way up high was fat and tasty but the first two were  pretty serious..

On the way to camp and climb, I was lagging behind on dirt roads in dust behind my partner’s vehicle. He would occasionally stop to insure I went the correct way, describing upcoming turns, usually confusing right and left as he often does.

The next morning, as we’re beginning the bush-whack-y hike in, he pulls from his pack a pair of gloves - both for the left hand.

This happened climbing in Seneca Rocks, we were getting ready to follow Traffic Jam that a third partner had led. My partner was pulling onto the pitch and immediately said "Lower me I feel like I'm going to shit myself" 

I didn't want him to feel bad so I said "it's ok if you shit yourself, we aren't going to judge you".... He shot back at me with "I still don't want to shit myself!" 

He ended up taking Imodium and waiting while I followed and cleaned the pitch and did manage to hike out to a toilet before whatever upset his stomach caught up with him. 

At the base of the West Face of El Cap, early start because it’s going to be a long day. My friend turns to me and says

“Dude, do you have my shoes?”

Wise words of wisdom from Garrett Hopkins of the Crimpers of the Purple Wave

“Everything’s a 5.6: either a 5.6 you can climb or a 5.6 you can’t climb.”

I used to drag an SLR up climbs because I fancied myself A Photographer. After explaining to my partner the somewhat elaborate system I used to secure the camera and rolls of film, he replied “you know what else might work? Not fucking dropping it.”

————

During a club trip to the crag, a young lady, who had been bragging a bit about her climbing experience during the approach, stalled out halfway up top roping an easy climb. “Hey, can I get some beta?”

The club leader: “Beta?? It’s a 5.4. Go up. There’s your beta.” 

Obviously every request for beta by anyone on any climb got the same response for years afterward. “Go up.”

One time when rapping off Castleton our rope got stuck after pulling the second rappel. My buddy looks at me and with contagious confidence he declares:

“Don’t worry! I’ll belay you.”

A North Carolina classic, courtesy of Tim Fisher (typically quipped when the leader occupies a key handhold with a piece of gear): “ fuck that second guy, he’s on a top rope!”

"so where you're traversing - this is a place you just really can't fall "

"Does that gentleman need assistance?" My friend, over the radio from an adjacent route, referring to the soloist who was had just passed us

My girlfriend at the time was belaying me just as I was starting a pitch and she needed to re-adjust her belay set up so she wouldn't pull me off and she said " hold on I'll jerk you off," I asked if i could untie first.

A buddy texted me how he had been “blowing” another partner on a route. Not inclined toward male intimacy, I was nonetheless slightly jealous he had never at least offered me this honor. Turns out he’d been “belaying” the other partner.