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Climbing Jokes

Original Post
David K · · The Road, Sometimes Chattan… · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 424

Lay 'em on.

Francois Dumas · · Chicoutimi · Joined Nov 2020 · Points: 0

A boulder bro, a trad dad and a cool sport climber walk into a bar, the bartender is like; 'is this some kind of joke?'

curt86iroc · · Lakewood, CO · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 274

David K · · The Road, Sometimes Chattan… · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 424
curt86iroc wrote:

Hey, no memes in the text thread!

Drederek · · Olympia, WA · Joined Mar 2004 · Points: 315

Two stupid climbers on a 5.10a sport route, the tall one comes off at the crux, the short one sends because he was a little more on! 

curt86iroc · · Lakewood, CO · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 274
David K wrote:

Hey, no memes in the text thread!

Damn, you got me!

Christopher Smith · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 0
Francois Dumas wrote:

A boulder bro, a trad dad and a cool sport climber walk into a bar, the bartender is like; 'is this some kind of joke?'

Lol how did I know I would see a trad dad one right off the bat.  Well played sir. 

Matt Robinson · · Saint Petersburg, FL · Joined Apr 2013 · Points: 15

I think James Pearson rating Walk of Life E12 may qualify as a climbing joke, but then again I've never really gotten dry British humor (or climbing grades for that matter)

Thomas Grubb · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2022 · Points: 0

Speed climbing

Mark Starr · · Albuquerque · Joined Jun 2017 · Points: 135

Just endless variations of the "they'll tell you" joke. 

How do you spot a climber/trad climber/aid climber/pro climber/5.13 climber/guide/route developer at a party?

Ricky Harline · · Angel's Camp, CA · Joined Nov 2016 · Points: 147
Mark Starr wrote:

Just endless variations of the "they'll tell you" joke. 

How do you spot a climber/trad climber/aid climber/pro climber/5.13 climber/guide/route developer at a party?

Hey, I resemble that remark!

mbk · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2013 · Points: 0

What do you call a professional climber or guide that has recently been dumped?    Homeless.

Jon Nelson · · Redmond, WA · Joined Sep 2011 · Points: 8,611

Why did the mountaineer walk into a deep hole? 

Because it is not there.

(Taken from an old Gary Larsen cartoon.)

highaltitudeflatulentexpulsion · · Colorado · Joined Oct 2012 · Points: 35

What car does Chris Sharma drive?

Psaaaat

Nick Herdeg · · Wheat Ridge, CO · Joined Sep 2018 · Points: 30

Why did the climber get scared? He was too high!

mbk · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2013 · Points: 0

Don’t lose control of the ropes at an intermediate rappel anchor.    Hahaha.  Ha.

Kristian Solem · · Monrovia, CA · Joined Apr 2004 · Points: 1,070

An old one. Y'all have probably heard it too many times, but

What's the difference between a golfer and a climber?

A golfer goes whack... shit!

A climber goes shit! whack...

Bolting Karen · · La Sal, UT · Joined Oct 2011 · Points: 56

What do you do when there’s a pro climber at your door?


pay for your pizza

The Traddest Dad · · Salt Lake City, UT · Joined Sep 2016 · Points: 0

Stolen from another thread, but:

What's the difference between a guide and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Matt Robinson · · Saint Petersburg, FL · Joined Apr 2013 · Points: 15
Kristian Solem wrote:

An old one. Y'all have probably heard it too many times, but

What's the difference between a golfer and a climber?

A golfer goes whack... shit!

A climber goes shit! whack...

Kinda like the difference between creatures with endoskeletons and creatures with exoskeletons. When you crush em one goes squish-crunch and the other goes crunch-squish

Jesse Scarborough · · Menlo Park, CA · Joined May 2016 · Points: 90

What do you call a climber without a rope? 

An ambulance. 

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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