Drinking (I said I’d write something)

I know this is the big wall forum but I feel more of a kinship here than anywhere else so here ya go.

I recently had semi emergency gall bladder removal down here in Mexico. While they were carving out my gall bladder they looked around and saw some discoloration on my liver. They took a biopsy and discovered that I have mild fibrosis of the liver. Mild fibrosis isn’t terribly important but it does show a deterioration of the liver and you sort of need your liver.

I was told to continue to eat healthy but to stop drinking.

Actually, good call, I’ve been drinking way too much. I’m not a drunk, alcohol has never effected my life in a bad way, I’ve never been pulled over for driving drunk, I’m not an angry drunk, I can go up on El Cap for a week and not drink and not really miss it, but when I do drink, I drink a lot. By the book, I’m an alcoholic. Being some level of alcoholic is a low bar to attain, one drink a day, everyday, pretty much gets you there.

I really love beer and in the last couple of years I have acquired a taste for tequila. I wish I was a person who could have one drink a day and call it good. That ain’t me. I may be Mark Hudon and I may be badass and all that BS but as far as willpower goes I have the willpower of a small flea. 

Let’s say that I had cut my foot getting out of the ocean after kiting rather than having my gall bladder removed on Jan. 1st. I couldn’t go out in the water so I’d hang out in camp, reading, doing Spanish lessons, talking about kiting, etc. But, what the hell, I’m in Baja, it’s sunny, it’s warm, I have nothing important to do, guaranteed I’d have had a beer at 12:30. I’d nurse that one but at 2 I’d have another and then maybe a shot (I sip tequila, I don’t shoot it) of tequila. I’d have a beer with dinner and then a shot and maybe another before hitting the sack. I’m a veteran drinker so I’d wake up the next morning feeling pretty much fine. 

And then repeat. 

I had quit drinking once before in my life. 

My marriage was deteriorating and I felt hopeless. One night I drank a ton and then while trying to brush my teeth before bed, passed out while standing up and split my head open on the tile floor. Ambulance to the hospital, X rays, stitches in my head and $20,000 later I quit and didn’t have a drink for 7 years. Quitting wasn’t even really difficult. I kept telling myself that if I didn’t have that one next drink, that I wouldn’t have to worry about the millions that would follow. 

But, here ya go, here’s the lack of willpower part, I like beer, I wanted to be able to have a beer every now and then, to enjoy it, I figured I had learned my lesson and could hold it down to one or two a week. I promised myself to never buy a whole 6-pack, to never have beer in the refrigerator. That didn’t last long. 

I kept it mellow for a few years but it slowly crept back up to its previous level. 

So, what’s the point? I don’t exactly know, maybe these are just notes from the field.

I’ve always been a “that won’t happen to me” kind of guy. I eat healthy, stay active and don’t take stupid risks, but, hey, I’m 65 years old. My past is catching up with me. 

Anyway, now I have a medical reason not to drink. I’m pretty much fine with it. I’m more and more not thinking about drinking and am planning on ways to spend all the money I’ll save from not buying alcohol.

Have you ever tried 12-step meetings? I’ve been sober for 12 years and it’s pretty nice to make a bunch of friends who drank the same way that I drank and understand why I won’t do it anymore. 

I don’t think I need them. I’ve had friends who are in AA so I’ve heard a lot about it. It seems to me that they sat around talking about drinking episodes. I don’t have drinking episodes, I just drank too much. 

Thanks for sharing Mark. Fighting a battle you know nothing about. Stay the course. 

Thanks mark,I'm skirting the line I need the bitch slap!

Mark Hudon wrote:

 It seems to me that they sat around talking about drinking episodes. 

That’s definitely not my experience, but to each his own. Happy (sober) trails!

I recently had a serious medical incident since largely resolved, but my doc was concerned over my 3 or 4 stiff drinks after 19:00.

Thing was; I quit smoking weed for months (yeah thats right the Toker Villain actually quit token') using tincture and vaping instead.

Hang in there Mark. Maybe see you before too long.

Creed Archibald wrote:

That’s definitely not my experience, but to each his own. Happy (sober) trails!

It has been a godsend for a few of my friends. Thanks. 

Mark Hudon wrote:

I don’t think I need them. I’ve had friends who are in AA so I’ve heard a lot about it. It seems to me that they sat around talking about drinking episodes. I don’t have drinking episodes, I just drank too much. 

Mark,

I'll bet there's more to it than just "war stories." You might find they talk about the solution, if you go in with an open mind.

Give it a few times; you have nothing to lose by going.

Mark,

I’m an alcoholic, a sober one now. Fuck man, I’ve literally bought backpacks because they would hold 16 beers for a 3 pitch climb. When I’d get off work at 0600, I’d be at the gas station 5 minutes later for my 2 Sierra Nevada pale ale tall boys for the drive home. Upon arriving home I’d crack open my 12 pack of rolling rocks, Wild turkey 101, and go to town on that all day while climbing until it was time to go back to work. Plus the 2-3 packs of Marlboro reds. It was a never ending shit show.

The valley is what got me on the right path, just being stoked enough to get through a day without being a little buzzed. Here I am now, somehow made it through a year sober, the 30 packs of rolling rock in the line at grocery outlet still talk to me, telling me they don’t need to be refrigerated and they’re probably delicious.

It doesn’t sound like this is going to be an ordeal for you, but hey man, if you’re ever feeling down, you can try what I do now. Take a nap, eat something, take a shower, literally anything to not pick up the bottle.

-Jeff

Sober since 2006 . As we get older it's way more of a health benefit.  I can  instantly tell a drinker by the look of their face.  Folks who drink and smoke cigarettes are ridiculously obvious.. doing their best to crawl into an early grave.  No meetings for me but I can relate to the  war stories.  Old recovered drunks love to spray about their  past adventures.  

I have been bombarded lately with ads for non-alcoholic beers and spirits.  I wonder if anyone has thoughts?  They are expensive, but so is good alcohol.  

FWIW I drink moderately but have thought about avoiding alcohol for a period of time while training, just to see the effects.

Phillip, might as well just drink a seltzer water. Shits delicious, zero calories, and still bad for your teeth. What more could you want?

The nonalcoholic beers are actually pretty good now. Athletic brewing does them well, and there are others. They’re probably not the long term solution, but they are a good “off ramp” and great for a “beer” after a long adventure w none of the downsides. It’s just carb loading for the next big push!

I guess you have a post limit of only two or three a day.

Thanks Jeff!

yeah, “near beer” makes me want the real thing more. I avoid it entirely. 

 "as far as willpower goes I have the willpower of a small flea."

That's me. I can make myself do damn near anything, but I can't stop myself from doing anything! 

To myself " Please walk on by don't look at the chocolate it is only going to make you sick, keep walking - o shit I'm going to buy that. It's going to taste great"

I would not go anywhere near  fake beer.  Tempting fate.  Seltzer is awesome.  

This is a great thread. Good on you Mark, Nick, Jeff, C Archibolt, and anyone else who posts below about their sobriety. Big walls and hard climbs are rad and all that, but y'all are doing something much more impressive and inspiring! Strong work, keep it up

Thanks for posting Mark, here are a few of my random thoughts:

I am 46. I've been a drinker since I was 17. I used to drink a lot but don't drink as much now. Like you, I've never had a DUI or any violent disputes or anything like that. But still - when I do I drink it's still multiple beers. I drink once or twice a week. Currently I'm on a no-booze January - just for a break following holiday drinking etc. It's not hard for me to do that. But, in general, I do love a good afternoon of beers on the deck with friends, post-climbing or at the beach etc. 

My problem? My mom died of liver cancer when she was 61. And during an apendectomy a few years ago my doctor told me my liver was getting fatty. I cut way back on my drinking but should probably quit altogether. What I think about though is this: I am willing to accept some risk to enjoy my life, in moderation. If I was to quit drinking I should also quit stuff like acetaminophen (terrible for your liver - use Ibuprofen) and quit refined sugars (think ice cream) in my diet etc.

It's a balancing act - what's important to you? I choose to drink in moderation now, hydrate more, avoid acetaminophen and refined sugars, and continue to exercise regularly. That's my lifestyle. Probably always will be, unless my health forces my hand. I also check my liver enzymes every year to make sure they aren't elevated. I also mostly avoid "dark" liquors, which I've heard are worse on your liver. I've tried switching to weed but I don't handle it well (paranoia worsens my anxieties etc). So that's out.

If you do indeed need to quit I guess my advice would be to evaluate your lifestyle. What triggers can you avoid? What behaviors can you find a substitute for? Notice I didn't say "behaviors you can avoid". I think when drinking becomes part of your lifestyle and you need to quit it's important to have support from those around you and hobbies to help you set a new lifestyle for yourself. If you're anything like me, I also drink when I'm bored and looking for something "fun" to do. During this pandemic I realized I was sitting on my deck (alone - wife at work etc), drinking more than usual. Because I was bored, couldn't go anywhere and weather was nice. So I switched to oil painting (because why not?) and playing video games again. I also do puzzles and stuff like that. I also built my dog a new dog house. I'm also getting better at things like stock trading. New hobbies can keep you from feeling depressed and bored - which drives people to drink.

Jeff Luton wrote:

Phillip, might as well just drink a seltzer water. Shits delicious, zero calories, and still bad for your teeth. What more could you want?

Hops.

Thanks very much for that post, Mark.  Vulnerable and authentic admissions from amazing people like you can really make an impact and change others' lives. Bravo. Wishing you well.