How To Find A Climber Girlfriend

So, I’ve come to the bleak realization that i can only date a climber.

It’s not that i am being narrow minded , or closing myself off to non climber girls ... there are plenty of amazing women who don’t climb !!

But.. the thing is that i find myself wanting to spend a majority of my spare time climbing rocks ,, or skiing down mountains !  And it is proving to make it complicated to date women that don’t share those passions!

So i am interested in hearing the climbing community’s opinion on this. I feel like i am going out on a limb here...because i am sure to receive a lot of negative, sarcastic feedback... but oh well here goes !

So what are your experiences dating a climber ? Is it something you actively search for and require? Has it worked for you ? Do you prefer to keep climbing and romance separate? Did you marry your climbing partner?? Hahah 

Also— any suggestions on climber/skier specific Dating Apps i should try ?? 

Start by planting a big kiss on her, spontaneously, at the belay station. Without asking first.

If you don't get Maced or Tasered, that's a good sign.

I’m marrying my climbing partner. She was (is) more badass than me and she didn’t climb when we met. I’d say you’re looking for a personality type more than a climber. My partner is now also my rope gun. I’m definitely more technically savvy with rope shenanigans, etc, but she’s a bit of a beast athletically. I’d say we compliment each other well. Find someone you want to be in a relationship with, hopefully they want to climb. Maybe you’ll meet someone who already climbs, but that’s a super small pool.

edit: managing risk factors, sketchy climbing, etc get real complicated when it’s your significant other up there

Cesar Cardenas wrote:

There’s pros and cons to it.
my girlfriend of a year loves climbing. We’ll do pros and cons starting with the pros. It’s great always having a belay partner who gets it and will belay you forever since you’ll return the favor. We’re on the same page that we want to be outside climbing or backpacking during our spare time so that’s what ends up happening. It’s great ending the day of climbing with your SO, in my opinion. Sometimes she cheers me up after I don’t send, sometimes I give her a massage after her brutal fight on her project and vice versa. Tons of little things like that which I didn’t expect when we started dating. One of you will probably be stoked so you’re more likely to go out. Honestly I think it’s improved my climbing because she motivates me.

Cons:

You might not have the same discipline of climbing. Ex: I’m really into alpine climbing right now and my gf isn’t able to go, so sometimes I’m torn between the alpine with someone else or a crag with her. You may climb at different abilities so communication and compromise of time or objectives may be necessary. You risk seeing your SO get hurt since it’s an inherently dangerous activity.

I’m gonna try to renew my membership for a second year so I’d say it’s been more pro than con for sure.

Good luck!

Thanks for your valuable input ! I can definitely see both sides to this . But, like you, i feel like the pros out weigh the cons.

PS don’t be a creep at the gym/crag/online. 

EXACTLY! That’s my issue ! I definitely don’t want to be , or cone off as, a creep! Which is why it feels so difficult to find someone! These are places where climbers hang... yet they are also bad places to “pick up “ a girl ...

How did you and your SO meet ??

I never had time for love. It’s an anchor that drowns a man.

Maintain the monastic lifestyle!

We can only imagine what effect saying this to a girl you like will have, so say it to a lot of them and report back your findings:

“I really like you. And I am also interested in starting a romantic relationship with you some time. But, either way is cool with me. Either way, I would like to keep climbing with you.”

Or alternately, send them this:

This could be us, but you won't be my climbing girlfriend.

Maybe post this in the women’s forum?

Steven Bishop wrote:

Thanks for your valuable input ! I can definitely see both sides to this . But, like you, i feel like the pros out weigh the cons.

EXACTLY! That’s my issue ! I definitely don’t want to be , or cone off as, a creep! Which is why it feels so difficult to find someone! These are places where climbers hang... yet they are also bad places to “pick up “ a girl ...

How did you and your SO meet ??

I wouldn’t go about it with the pure intention of courting someone. Just hang out with them,  no motives. See what happens. I met my girlfriend at the gym (ironically because I wasn’t a big gym goer), I Invited her climbing at a crag, then we went again, then she invited me with her group. We were definitely in sync but it didn’t go straight into a “date” though in retrospect they kind of were. If that makes sense. Gotta go with the flow dude.  

Having a list of requirements for your future girlfriend is going to lead you to a life of celibacy.  At best, you’ll likely be creepy, aloof, unresponsive - or like most climbers, some degree of self absorbed narc.  The common point is to find people you connect with.  Climbing will come and go over the years, as all other activites.  Your personalities, your childhood - they don’t change.  Get out and mix it up, see what happens and with who.

Easy, go to your local bouldering spot, spray at one of the newer climbers, invite her to your potluck, and invite her on her first trad multipitch. Bonus points if you give her the lead on the bolt protected third pitch.

Well, I did marry my climbing partner. It's great, we went to Yosemite for our honeymoon trip. Turns out that as soon as you have kids you're not really climbing partners anymore. Best we can do is either to go climb as a party of three (means one of us gets to climb with our partner and the other one looks after the kids, then at some point we swap tasks) or go alone with another partner for a full day / session of climbing. Of course time will change this, but you're only young for so many years.

...anyway, still better than a nagging non-climbing SO who hates you for leaving them alone over the weekends or every other day during the week...

I hear there is a movie almost about that. Can't really remember the title right now but it was a gripping story about climbing some sort of a pillar.

Don’t ask for medical or dating advice online. 

Conan Vandel wrote:

As someone who’s been married for like 13 years....I’m so glad I don’t have to date anymore.

Especially now that you’re not allowed to kiss on top of a mountain without written consent.

You couldn’t get written consent from your own wife.   ;)  

Steven Bishop wrote:

So, I’ve come to the bleak realization that i can only date a climber.

It’s not that i am being narrow minded , or closing myself off to non climber girls ... there are plenty of amazing women who don’t climb !!

But.. the thing is that i find myself wanting to spend a majority of my spare time climbing rocks ,, or skiing down mountains !  And it is proving to make it complicated to date women that don’t share those passions!

So i am interested in hearing the climbing community’s opinion on this. I feel like i am going out on a limb here...because i am sure to receive a lot of negative, sarcastic feedback... but oh well here goes !

I can definitely relate to this. I had, at one point, tried dating non-climbers. And there was certainly no shortage of non-climber guys who were wonderful in many ways. But I was a single mom with two young kids, tight budget, and only 4 days a month when the kids were with their father. That meant 4 days a month to spend on a climbing trip, or to spend with a new would-be boyfriend.

Yes, sure, I could go on a occasional weeknight date, but a combo of childcare cost, and my belief that a new boyfriend was not to be introduced to kids in the boyfriend role until I were reasonably sure that we were compatible, and things were reasonably-stable and workable, meant that those 4 kid-free days a month were a premium time to spend with a potential boyfriend, as well as the only time I had for climbing.

The non-climbing relationships didn’t work well under those circumstances. I had experimentally determined that climbing trips during my weekends off resulted in a happier me, and a better mom to my kids in the remainder of the month. So I decided that a boyfriend wasn’t a priority. I had friends, and climbing partners, often they were the same people, lol. And being single was actually kinda nice. 

So what are your experiences dating a climber ? Is it something you actively search for and require? Has it worked for you ? Do you prefer to keep climbing and romance separate? Did you marry your climbing partner?? Hahah 

I had dated couple climbers, and I did eventually marry my climbing partner, lol. He was also happily single for a number of years, after his own frustrating string of relationships. We are still happily married.

But I never actively searched for a boyfriend, a climbing or otherwise, after the shift that happened when I realized that I didn’t need a boyfriend to be happy. 

Joe Say'n wrote:

Well, I did marry my climbing partner. It's great, we went to Yosemite for our honeymoon trip. Turns out that as soon as you have kids you're not really climbing partners anymore. Best we can do is either to go climb as a party of three (means one of us gets to climb with our partner and the other one looks after the kids, then at some point we swap tasks) or go alone with another partner for a full day / session of climbing. Of course time will change this, but you're only young for so many years.

...anyway, still better than a nagging non-climbing SO who hates you for leaving them alone over the weekends or every other day during the week...

The kids grow up faster than you will expect. Then they might be ropegunning for you. 

Climb 5.14 

cassondra l wrote:

The kids grow up faster than you will expect. Then they might be ropegunning for you. 

Thank you!   So looking forward to that. The ropegunning, that is - other than that they don't need to grow up any faster than they're doing already. 

As a woman who climbs I have had a bit of experience with men “seeking a climber girlfriend”. I have had a few belay-tionships turn weird when I found that my climbing partner seemed to be interested in me and when I let him know that I was just interested in being a climbing partner/skiing partner his ego got hurt and he looked for other partners. This situation is not only awkward but also super inconvenient because finding good climbing partners can be hard! If you wonder why women seek out other women to climb with, this is definitely one reason. That being said, be forthcoming with your female climbing partners! If you think your on a date, make sure they don’t think that they’re just going out for a climb.

Overall, I’d say just go out and do things that you love. Be chill, and something good will find you.

I've been joking for a long time about developing a dating app for "climbers". Maybe I should just do it...

W K wrote:

I've been joking for a long time about developing a dating app for "climbers". Maybe I should just do it...

I guess we’re getting different google adds. I think there’s already one on the market.