Lead fall ends lead climbing?

This is a topic I’ve never really asked or talked much about but I started out bouldering when I started climbing I did that for about 3 years and then me and my friend decided to get into lead climbing. So we switched gyms took the class and primarily lead climbed. We did it for about 8 months and we were getting very comfortable (too comfortable). We climbed outside and indoors. But one day we were warming up it was an indoor 5.7 very easy route just to warm up on and my partner was climbing and I was belaying. Another younger guy who was our friend was talking to me while my partner was climbing and I got distracted which is my fault. But my partner took a “practice fall” not saying anything to me and while I was distracted I thought he was asking for slack so I let up on it and right as I did that I realized he was falling from 30 foot up. (I was using an ATC by the way) so I tried my hardest to stop him and I maybe stopped 20 percent of his fall but he decked. He got some bad rope burn and he sprained his knee but other than that he was fine (not minimizing it). I 100 percent blame myself for not paying attention and being too comfortable with everything. So that happened almost 3 years ago and I haven’t belayed since. I stopped lead climbing and have only been bouldering since. I’ve climbed one outdoor 5.9 since that accident. I haven’t even been back to that gym that it happened at I’ve only climbed at the bouldering gym. I guess it just kinda traumatized me. It’s not that I don’t like lead climbing my brain just went through everyone worst case scenario especially if it woulda happened when we were outside. So I guess my question is what is your opinion on this? Have you ever had something like this happen? If so, did it make you stop climbing?

Addison Smith wrote:
This is a topic I’ve never really asked or talked much about but I started out bouldering when I started climbing I did that for about 3 years and then me and my friend decided to get into lead climbing. So we switched gyms took the class and primarily lead climbed. We did it for about 8 months and we were getting very comfortable (too comfortable). We climbed outside and indoors. But one day we were warming up it was an indoor 5.7 very easy route just to warm up on and my partner was climbing and I was belaying. Another younger guy who was our friend was talking to me while my partner was climbing and I got distracted which is my fault. But my partner took a “practice fall” not saying anything to me and while I was distracted I thought he was asking for slack so I let up on it and right as I did that I realized he was falling from 30 foot up. (I was using an ATC by the way) so I tried my hardest to stop him and I maybe stopped 20 percent of his fall but he decked. He got some bad rope burn and he sprained his knee but other than that he was fine (not minimizing it). I 100 percent blame myself for not paying attention and being too comfortable with everything. So that happened almost 3 years ago and I haven’t belayed since. I stopped lead climbing and have only been bouldering since. I’ve climbed one outdoor 5.9 since that accident. I haven’t even been back to that gym that it happened at I’ve only climbed at the bouldering gym. 

You should expect a lot of good/bad criticism on MP for this...  but to answer your questions.

I guess it just kinda traumatized me. It’s not that I don’t like lead climbing my brain just went through everyone worst case scenario especially if it woulda happened when we were outside. So I guess my question is what is your opinion on this? 

Climbing is inherently dangerous.  Accidents happen even to experienced climbers.

Have you ever had something like this happen? 

Yes, I was dropped.  Wife (belayer) was sketched to TR belay for a while.

If so, did it make you stop climbing?

No but it has messed with my head a little for lead climbing.  Getting back into it asap and not letting things build up in the head is key.  Exposure Therapy.  Start by Top Rope Belaying then go from there.

Oh and of course learn from your mistakes!  

You did a really BIG and UNEXCUSABLE mistake, that doesn't mean you need to burn in hell forever or that you should stop belaying/climbing for the rest of your life.
On top of a new training, start slow (belaying top rope) and buy a grigri or other assisted braking system, you will probably feel better knowing you have a margin of safety (not to be used!)

Edit: I know you are a girl but let me say that it "takes balls" to talk honestly about such a mistake and analyze it as much as you did. I am pretty sure 90% of guys wouldn't be able to do that (it may even include myself...) so, my hat off to you for that.
I m sure starting climbing/belaying again will help you get over it.

Does your ex-partner still speak to you?

There are two types of mistakes.  Those you learn from and those you repeat.

Make sure this one is the former, and get back on a rope.

The only way you really learn from it is if you implement your knowledge gained from this mistake and move on. Being paralyzed by it is also an option but you would be asking this question if that's what you want.

Gumby King wrote: You should expect a lot of good/bad criticism on MP for this...

I am going to piggyback on this comment, but this is for the OP. 

Accidents happen even to experienced climbers.

"Accidents happen" is passive voice, which allows people to sidestep responsibility (politicians use passive voice A LOT). For accidents involving objective hazards such as rockfall, passive voice is appropriate. In your case, you (the belayer) dropped the climber (not, "the climber was dropped"). Just the fact that you are posting about the incident means you are taking responsibility. It may sound nit picky to mention passive voice in this context, but words matter when you are processing what happened. You and your partner were lucky that the outcome was not worse.

Oh and of course learn from your mistakes!  

The first step to learning from your mistakes is what you are doing now: admitting fault and taking responsibility. You can belay again, as long as you are honest, attentive, and take the responsibility seriously, like you have a person's life in your hands (because you do).

You will be hyper vigilant when you start to belay again. Get comfortable, but don't get complacent. Make a commitment to give the best belay you can from now on.

Did your climber forgive you? Did you forgive yourself?

I want to add that I felt compelled to answer your message quickly because it resonate with a personal story:
When I was 14 y/o I was in a resort with a climbing wall, I saw this girl that was really cute and I asked her to belay me to try to impress her with my skills.
Of course she didn't know what she was doing at all (I didn't ask because I didn't care, I was just too happy she said yes) and drop me on the floor (on gravel) from 4 meters high, I had no injuries at all but of course she was mortified.
I never saw her again and its been more than 20 years but I still think about her sometimes, I hope she is having a good life...and that she is still climbing ;)

If you really love something you get back on the horse and ride.

It is not uncommon for one to loose interest in a sport after an unpleasant incident.  My mountain bike career has majorly declined after a particularly rough body slam.

But you are posting about this here so I think you have the "need" to climb.  So do it.  

In the sport of rock climbing you must totally focus.  Mistakes are not permited.  Dropping rocks, dropping partners, these are unacceptable.  I think the greatest appeal of the sport is that it demands focus and competence.  It forces you to be in the present which is the best part of life.  You have to rise above self-doubt and self-invalidation. Make the decision that you can and will do it right, then do it.

For your last two questions: Yes, something similar happened to me as well and it did stop me from ice climbing for almost 20 years.

My partner and I were getting ready to ice climb in the back country mountains and he was wading through a gully of snow to get to the base of the first pitch to set the anchor.  I was going to follow and lead the first pitch.  We were already roped up.  As he got halfway across the gully, the whole gully broke loose and slid.  He was swept away and the rope to me was quickly playing out as he slid.  I was not anchored as I was just going to follow and lead the first technical pitch.  Flashes of the whole "Schoening boot axe" belay went through my mind but there just didn't seem to be time as I watched.  

Fortunately the slide stopped within 50 meters (old days with 50 meter rope) and I was able to follow the rope to him and dig him out.  He survived with no physical injuries but both of us stopped climbing back country ice and I did not get back on that horse until last year. This happened in the early 2000's.  I still feel guilty that I did not try to set up the boot axe belay and I know if the slide had not stopped that we both would most likely have died. 

Still gives me chills and nightmares to think about.  

For your question about my opinion, see Dave Baker's response above and get back on that horse sooner than I did.  

Climbing friend, thanks for having the strength to share with us what happened.

In 2014, I decked w/out a helmet on about 50-60ft, high ball bouldering/free solo climbing/whichever you'd like to call it and endured a severe traumatic brain injury and broke 2 vertebrae (C6 & C7) in my neck. (I have pictures and video from the rescue if you'd like proof to know I'm not blowing smoke) Needless to say, my skull exploded and my neck was broken. I was out of the climbing game for over a year and a half. While I don't fully remember the accident, I fully recall the mental clusterfuck I lived in for the next year+. Even to this day, 6 years after the fact, I still have some cognitive WTF's every once in a while. For the better half of my recovery, I used my brain trauma to fuel my comeback to climbing. When I put my shoes, harness AND HELMET back on....within a year I was leading 5.10s. A level I was not even close to leading when I decked. Sure, I still pucker up when I have to run it out. Or when the cruxes get pumpy and I'm 5ft above my last piece, I still flashback to what my life was like recovering and experiencing the same thing again.. But, I used (and counted) my blessings that I could walk, talk and function like the rest of society. I wasn't a quadrapalegic as some less fortunate souls are after enduring similar accidents. So.....You can choose to learn from your mistakes, take mental note to actively correct them when you lead belay and become a better climber and climbing partner from it. Or, you can let your mistakes conquer you and cripple your enjoyment of climbing. We're only human and we make mistakes.  Don't let it conquer you! Just pay closer attention to what's happening on the sharp end next time. :) As lame as they look, belay glasses are actually a good thing. The force you to only focus on the leader and can still maintain eyes on the rope at your feet. Something to consider. I also suggest you pickup the book “Vertical Mind” and it’ll better explain, from PHD climbers perspective, how/why your mind works and processes these kind of things and why you’re experiencing these setbacks in climbing.

FrankPS wrote: Does your ex-partner still speak to you?

Oh yeah we are still friends, he doesn’t climb much now because he’s married and has other priorities in life, but we still talk. 

too many climbers anyways  and its not for everyone... 

I figured if I dropped someone I'd get into lead solo stuff. I already TR soloed a bit.

The reason being is I'd rather a belayer that hadn't dropped someone, so switch the places and I'd rather not belay anyone if I'd dropped someone. I'd still belay people if they explicitly asked despite that, but I'd default to the assumption I wouldn't be belaying.

This is if you dropped someone for a shitty reason, like talking, or ignorance on technique (slip/slap/slide on ATC, or excessively blocking the grigri cam, etc).

Addison Smith wrote:
This is a topic I’ve never really asked or talked much about but I started out bouldering when I started climbing I did that for about 3 years and then me and my friend decided to get into lead climbing. So we switched gyms took the class and primarily lead climbed. We did it for about 8 months and we were getting very comfortable (too comfortable). We climbed outside and indoors. But one day we were warming up it was an indoor 5.7 very easy route just to warm up on and my partner was climbing and I was belaying. Another younger guy who was our friend was talking to me while my partner was climbing and I got distracted which is my fault. But my partner took a “practice fall” not saying anything to me and while I was distracted I thought he was asking for slack so I let up on it and right as I did that I realized he was falling from 30 foot up. (I was using an ATC by the way) so I tried my hardest to stop him and I maybe stopped 20 percent of his fall but he decked. He got some bad rope burn and he sprained his knee but other than that he was fine (not minimizing it). I 100 percent blame myself for not paying attention and being too comfortable with everything. So that happened almost 3 years ago and I haven’t belayed since. I stopped lead climbing and have only been bouldering since. I’ve climbed one outdoor 5.9 since that accident. I haven’t even been back to that gym that it happened at I’ve only climbed at the bouldering gym. I guess it just kinda traumatized me. It’s not that I don’t like lead climbing my brain just went through everyone worst case scenario especially if it woulda happened when we were outside. So I guess my question is what is your opinion on this? Have you ever had something like this happen? If so, did it make you stop climbing?

Your friend is the idiot for taking a "practice fall", not you.

Addison Smith wrote:
So I guess my question is what is your opinion on this? 

You made a huge mistake. But you and your partner were lucky, and he is alive. Of course a traumatic experience like this will mess up your head for a while. But it could have been worse. 

FWIW, 8 months is about right for something like this. When you are brand-new, you tend to be super careful, and paying full attention. A few months in, you are STILL objectively inexperienced, but you have gotten comfortable, and you THINK you are experienced. That is the danger zone. 

Have you ever had something like this happen? If so, did it make you stop climbing?

I have never dropped anyone, and never been dropped. But I do know people who did it, or had it happen to them. In one case, someone died. Others walked away/limped away/got carried away on stretchers.  

Some quit after the experience. Those who HAD stuck with climbing are now among the safest/most experienced/conscientious belayers that I know. 

3 years is a long time to process things. Sounds like you might be ready to try again. You will never forget that your actions had almost killed someone. But you can take this memory, and make it your impetus to become a good attentive belayer. 

Sounds like if you just don't chit chat while belaying going forward, you should be good to go. 

Nick Goldsmith wrote: too many climbers anyways  and its not for everyone... 

never said I was even gonna get back into it just wanted some opinions...

A corollary to this discussion: don't let just anybody belay you. Have a way to screen someone new as a potential partner. Just because someone says they climb 5.xx or have been climbing x number of years, doesn't mean they are attentive.

Another point to make is that if someone is busy belaying a climber, just stfu and don’t bother them with chitchat.  

Addison Smith wrote:... and while I was distracted I thought he was asking for slack so I let up on it and right as I did that I realized he was falling from 30 foot up.

A side note:

It does not take a "distraction" to initially react to a tug by letting out slack.  Imagine being outside on a route where the belayer can not see the leader.  And imagine the leader does not make a sound when they fall.

Letting out slack is a reaction to a tug that is ingrained from the very beginning.  And letting out slack is arguably the most vulnerable moment in belay movements.  The grip on the brake strand is relatively loose.  And poor belay habits will see some uncurl their fingers enough to then have the brake strand ripped out of their hand when the lead fall pulls the rope system taut.

Not long ago an elderly friend decked from 45 feet up after letting go to be lowered ... because the belayer felt a tug, started paying out slack, and then lost control.

We should be able to keep an otherwise well-protected leader from decking from 30 feet up without seeing or hearing of the fall.  That is not meant as a personal dig at you, Addison. It's meant as something we all should have at the front of our minds as belayers.