Dirtbagging, Disappointment, and Depression

Article

Came across this on Reddit. I spent several years chasing climbing and the outdoor lifestyle, only to find that it’s not all that it’s portrayed as.
Thoughts? I think this is an important issue, and that there’s a weird pressure to “live the Dream” and conform to an image of an unrealistic lifestyle. 

Shits wild.

Timothy Carlson wrote:Came across this on Reddit. I spent several years chasing climbing and the outdoor lifestyle, only to find that it’s not all that it’s portrayed as.
Thoughts? I think this is an important issue, and that there’s a weird pressure to “live the Dream” and conform to an image of an unrealistic lifestyle. 

"Dirtbagging" is somewhat of an outdated concept - the "real dirtbags" of the 50s and 60s were pretty firmly outside of the social system of their day.  This contrasts with the "modern dirtbags", who have cutting edge gear, a sprinter van, and dozens of different meccas with virtually unlimited partners to choose from.  "dirtbagging" has become a recognizable subculture.  The "dirtbag" community is just that, a community with its own set of expectations and norms. 

I'd say that the defining belief of "dirtbag" culture is an inherently materialistic one: climbing is good, so more climbing must be better, and whatever it takes to climb as much as possible must be the best.  But what if you get sick or seriously hurt?  What if your van/gear gets stolen?  What if you don't climb hard enough to "justify" doing nothing else?  What about when you get old?  What if climbing isn't actually the be-all and end-all, but merely another pleasurable distraction?  The "overstoke" of climbing culture tends to push these questions to the wayside.

An older mentor of mine summed it up pretty succinctly by describing himself as "someone who climbs, but isn't a climber".  This guy has climbed El Cap a couple dozen times, not to mention Baffin and the Himalaya.  I didn't really get why he refused to call himself a climber until recently: climbing is an activity, being a "climber" has become a recognizable, pretty thoroughly commercialized identity.  

Thanks for posting; this article was recently posted on social media by some other locals of the outdoor tourist town (NOT ski town) where I live. A lot of stories hit close to home– the situation of devoting your entire identity to a sport and then gradually getting weaker and older, working menial seasonal jobs and sacrificing chances at a career to ski/climb/boat as much as possible, being surrounded by rampant substance abuse, skyrocketing house prices and a fairly transient community.

One thing I think the article missed was the reason that suicides spike in ski towns during the Spring season:

"Good weather can also exacerbate feelings of depression, and suicides peak in the spring and summer months. “You’re holding out for spring during the winter, which is tough in many environments,” McIntosh says. “You make it through, and it’s supposed to be better, but you get to spring and it’s not better. As a result of that, it may be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.”

As anyone here could probably posit, the BIG reason suicides may rise at this time of year in ski towns is because SKI SEASON IS ENDING. You get a true endorphin high skiing, climbing, rafting, whatever, and when peak season is over, a lot of us do fall into a slump.

Christopher Smaling wrote:

"Dirtbagging" is somewhat of an outdated concept - the "real dirtbags" of the 50s and 60s were pretty firmly outside of the social system of their day.  This contrasts with the "modern dirtbags", who have cutting edge gear, a sprinter van, and dozens of different meccas with virtually unlimited partners to choose from.  

I largely agree with your post, but I think the quoted section about "real" dirtbags might be falling to an overly romanticized vision of the past. "Real dirtbags" of the "50s and 60s" that were "outside the social system of the day" were operating in a social system that was as a whole much more restrictive; this was before the counterculture revolution of the late 1960s and 70s. The reason that they didn't have cutting edge gear is because cutting edge gear didn't exist yet; Chouinard and Robbins had the best climbing gear available, and if it didn't exist, they made it.

Also, this is just a theory, but I would suspect that "dirtbags" after the late 1960s tended to come from more solid middle class backgrounds, college educations, and financially stable families much more than those of the 50s and earlier 

"We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty."

             -Tradiban

This story really touched on some important issues for me.  I'm not a dirtbagger nor struggling in a mountain town--I work at a brigade training center in Bavaria integrating emerging threats into NATO's training matrices.  I came back from Afghanistan almost a decade ago with some PTSD, but potential capacity to head off to dirtbag land.  However, the lack of connection and community would have been likely suicidal...the author hit the nose on the head there.  The pressure of "no bad days" is also true--if you're struggling with anything, and then all you see on social media is amazing posts of folks getting after it, you begin to wonder--what is wrong with me? When the weather is great, but you are having trouble finding partners or can't seem to gather up the gumption to go, you actually begin to feel worse.
I still have trouble balancing out my dueling desires to just climb and then also be effective and satisfied with my career. I'm extremely lucky to have landed in the right space at the right time where I feel I am making a difference while surrounded by some of the best and most accessible climbing in Germany. I can't imagine the stress of trying to make it in the outdoor world as one ages and the sport moves beyond one's abilities. And for those stuck reliving past glories, the feeling of having missed out on something must be enormous.

Yes, I saw that article, and thought of the parallels with full-time climber lifestyles. (Not dirtbagging per se, but building your life around climbing— moving to a place with the best climbing opportunities, maybe even spending 6 months in one place, and 6 months on the road, even if it means menial jobs, and being far away from family, and giving up on career, kids, etc)

But I don’t know that this article is anything other than musings and conjecture, based on small numbers (THREE suicides over two weeks brought the Telluride county rate of suicides to 3 times the national average? The other statistics was 6 suicides over 2.5 years in Trukee, CA? I’m sorry, my statistics nerdiness puts really big error bars on that, and doesn’t like the confidence interval size)  

Of course some people are more suited to this lifestyle than others. A friend of mine was going to go on a full-time climbing trip for couple years. She quit her job, there was much planning and fanfare, and going-away partying... she lasted about a month on the road. Then her mosquito bite got scratched/infected, she came back home, and that was the end of her trip. She confessed to being miserable pretty much the whole time.

But even people who seem to make it work, for now, may feel differently about it in 30 years, when they look back at their life at 50, and get depressed about the meaninglessness of it.

Still... life is always greener on the other side. You could just as easily become suicidal because at 50 you look back at your life and think how pointless your career-chasing is, and how money hasn’t made you happier, and how you missed out on so many opportunities because you were doing the corporate thing. 

Lena chita wrote: 
Still... life is always greener on the other side. You could just as easily become suicidal because at 50 you look back at your life and think how pointless your career-chasing is, and how money hasn’t made you happier, and how you missed out on so many opportunities because you were doing the corporate thing. 

Very well said. A lot of writing about suicide falls into this trap of projection, where the clues left seem to paint the narrative of the mindset of the victim. Is living the life of a dirtbag worthless once your body gives out and your present day adventures are a shadow of your past glory? We all have to adapt to the changing circumstances of our lives.

Then there's this nugget from the article: "the sublime high that comes with tagging a 14er? "

Wait, wut?

Lena chita wrote: Yes, I saw that article, and thought of the parallels with full-time climber lifestyles. (Not dirtbagging per se, but building your life around climbing— moving to a place with the best climbing opportunities, maybe even spending 6 months in one place, and 6 months on the road, even if it means menial jobs, and being far away from family, and giving up on career, kids, etc)

But I don’t know that this article is anything other than musings and conjecture, based on small numbers (THREE suicides over two weeks brought the Telluride county rate of suicides to 3 times the national average? The other statistics was 6 suicides over 2.5 years in Trukee, CA? I’m sorry, my statistics nerdiness puts really big error bars on that, and doesn’t like the confidence interval size)  

Super true, Lena. I believe the article mentions that many states in the US with the highest suicide rates are in the West; implying it's some sort of mountain town epidemic, when the reality is that all these states have strong elements of meth/opioid abuse, boom-and-bust fossil fuel industries, rural poverty, and a bunch of other factors that you will rarely see in the bubbles of Aspen, Telluride, Jackson, etc. The two most recent members of the top-ten suicide rate states are OK and ND, which definitely support this pattern, too.

To frame it just from my own anecdotal perspective, I live in a small Appalachian WV town whose economy is largely based on outdoor/recreational tourism. It's still a struggling economy and thank god housing is still affordable. We've got hundreds of seasonal workers, and maybe around 30-40% of the town's permanent population is made up by out-of-staters who moved here mainly for the boating, climbing, or mountain biking.

West Virginia used to have the second-highest suicide rate in the nation; it's fallen to eleventh in the last decade, while at the same time climbing to #1 for overdose deaths. But, to state the obvious in the face of this article's conjecture, these numbers have NOTHING to do with depressed dirtbags. I can't think of a single core member of our outdoor community here who has committed suicide (although a few retired river guides have drank, smoked, or OD'd themselves to death); at the same time, suicides and OD's by locals who are not part of the outdoor community are quite common, and unfortunately directly affect me through my teaching job several times a year.

Very interesting article. I agree with the OP Timothy " there’s a weird pressure to “live the Dream” "

I lived the resort life for many years and knew a few perpetually depressed people attempting to live the dream yet never being truly happy. My personal take is that everyone, in their hard wiring, needs to provide for themselves now and in the future. Skiing deep powder and getting first tracks is a rush but so is alcohol and drugs and its not providing the soul with that feeling of success for the day or the future. The climbing dirtbag life is completely parallel to this.

The weird pressure to get those days in on the slope and rock is there.

Pnelson wrote:
West Virginia used to have the second-highest suicide rate in the nation; it's fallen to eleventh in the last decade, while at the same time climbing to #1 for overdose deaths. But, to state the obvious in the face of this article's conjecture, these numbers have NOTHING to do with depressed dirtbags. I can't think of a single core member of our outdoor community here who has committed suicide (although a few retired river guides have drank, smoked, or OD'd themselves to death); at the same time, suicides and OD's by locals who are not part of the outdoor community are quite common, and unfortunately directly affect me through my teaching job several times a year.

Many ODs are suicides so those stats may be useless and WVA may not have lost its ranking. Changing suicide stats to OD stats gets more federal help.

M Mobes wrote: Skiing deep powder and getting first tracks is a rush but so is alcohol and drugs and its not providing the soul with that feeling of success for the day or the future. The climbing dirtbag life is completely parallel to this.

On the other hand, motivational/corporate speakers like Todd Skinner in the past, and Sasha D. to a degree today basically are saying that climbing will "provide the soul with that feeling of success for the day or the future."  I'm not saying whether it does or does not, but just look at all those vapid inspirational posters that use climbing and other outdoor sports as metaphors for success.

M Mobes wrote:

Many ODs are suicides so those stats may be useless and WVA may not have lost its ranking. Changing suicide stats to OD stats gets more federal help.

I agree, which is why in my post I basically conflated OD deaths with suicide in WV (and I think you could for the bulk of other states as well).

Pnelson wrote:

On the other hand, motivational/corporate speakers like Todd Skinner in the past, and Sasha D. to a degree today basically are saying that climbing will "provide the soul with that feeling of success for the day or the future."  I'm not saying whether it does or does not, but just look at all those vapid inspirational posters that use climbing and other outdoor sports as metaphors for success.

Climbers tend to be more healthy so the feeling of success lasts longer is my take. Resort folk and raft guides can eat garbage and party hard daily, most climbers cant.

 Plus anyone who fully succeeds in any discipline and makes a living on it are anomalies and shouldn't give advice!

Timothy Carlson wrote:
Article

Came across this on Reddit. I spent several years chasing climbing and the outdoor lifestyle, only to find that it’s not all that it’s portrayed as.
Thoughts? I think this is an important issue, and that there’s a weird pressure to “live the Dream” and conform to an image of an unrealistic lifestyle. 

I feel like trying to conform to the image of an unrealistic lifestyle isn't really an issue that's unique to climbing. You could run into that issue pursuing anything in life if the way you evaluate your happiness is by comparing yourself to others. 

I think living out of my car to pursue climbing was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes it was amazing, sometimes it fucking sucked. There are ups and downs to it, just like anything else.

If anyone reading this is having depressive/suicidal/disordered thoughts, please seek professional help. Climbing is amazing and has helped pull me out of some very dark places in my life, but finding balance is important, for all of the reasons discussed above. 

interesting article, thanks for sharing.

caughtinside wrote: The article touches on a couple points that cross over to climbing: 1. you can't stay high all the time and 2. Climbing, or living whatever your dream is, by itself, is not enough to provide a well rounded life for most of us.  

Well said. The pursuit of happiness is hard. ;)And sucks as the end goal in itself. 

Rock climbing is cool.

Living in your car to climb is cool.  

Being a washed out 50 year old who will never relive their glory days and didn’t plan for retirement or old age is very not cool.

When dying in the mountains is your only retirement plan, you're fucked.

Cpn Dunsel wrote: "The key to being happy isn't the search for meaning; it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead "

~ Mr Peanutbutter

     “Well, while I'm here I'll do the work — and what's the work? To ease the pain of living. Everything else, drunken dumbshow.”    
 
  ― Allen Ginsberg