Getting over fear of heights

After getting just a short way up the wall or rock, I get really nervous about the height. In my head, I know I'm perfectly safe on the rope, but it's as though something instinctual kicks in, and my hands and legs begin to shake. In addition to keeping my breathing slow and controlled and focusing on what is above me rather than below, do you have any advice as to how to overcome this fear? Is it just a matter of doing it more often and going a little higher each time, or did you stumble upon some other mental trick or bit of wisdom that helped you overcome a similar challenge with practice? Thanks in advance!

Get with someone u completely trust and try taking tr falls repeatedly and work up to lead climbing if u can and do the same with progressively higher but safe falls. I meet a guy that took anxiety meds so he could lead... sure some peeps on here will have better ideas then me, gl

the higher I go off the ground the safer I feel

Systematic desensitization is what you are doing, so keep doing it. But if at some point you just don't get more comfortable with heights, it might not be worth pushing it further.

        The vertical is jarring. Without a horizon the brain is quickly disoriented. Discombobulation can be conquered.
        I would ask a question on place of advice: why do you climb? What’s your motivation?

Like others have said:  systematic desensitization helps (during times when you are climbing frequently, and especially after you purposefully do some "whipper therapy," you'll likely notice the fear becomes more manageable), and Rock Warrior's Way is a very good guide to mental habits and ways of keeping perspective that you can apply during and in between your climbing.

I'll add that the desenstization wears off after a while, so be ready for your reactivity to exposure and to fear of falling to ebb and flow over time.  I have gone through periods of greater and lesser need for active fear management.  Sometimes there's a rational connection that I can identify (e.g. after my first child was born, it took a full climbing season to quell the jitters), and sometimes not.  Some of my partners seem to be better for my anxiety levels than others, despite all of them being safe.  Ironically, sometimes I do better with a less confident partner-- I think it's because I have to "step up" and meet the moment, without the option of sagging onto the support of a strong ropegun.

Similarly, I have found I sometimes do better with difficult trad climbing than difficult sport climbing, perhaps because there is something else (building and managing the system of protection) that demands my attention.  Overall, getting some "tunnel vision" for the logistical or gymnastic problem right in front of you can be a good thing, and for me trad protection forces that to happen even more.  The other technique applied during climbing that has helped me is the process of breaking the climb down into discreet sections with mini goals for each-- again, that's probably because it is something else to focus on.  Basically, anything that distracts you from your fear of the exposure or of falling can help.  

Stitch and Jeremy are right, too, though:  interrogate your motivations for climbing (which may shift over time) and find out what really makes it worthwhile for you and whether that is worth the sensations caused by your reactions to exposure.  It's a lot easier to manage your fear (and a lot more worthwhile to do so) if there is just too much joy in climbing to let it go.

Do you know that you are safe on the end of the rope, or are you just telling yourself that you know you are safe on the end of the rope?

Once I demonstrated to myself that in fact my harness and the rope (auto belay) would catch me I just never give it anymore thought after confirming I am properly tied in with a trusted belay on the other end.  Now, climbing outside the height doesn't affect me but when things do get spicy I consider (worry about) what I may come in contact with before the rope stops my fall.  But the height is not an issue.

Unroped...I still am not one to get too close to the edge of a cliff without feeling some amount of fear.  So for me I think it is about truly trusting my gear.

I started climbing earlier this year and had a crippling, irrational fear of heights. I would get 15-20 feet up the wall and just freeze. Total panic, massive overgripping, shaking legs, etc. I would lower and try another route. Same thing. The adrenaline made it hard to do this more than a few times per session - I would end up totally drained.

I kept at it over several months and each time I became more desensitized and things became easier. Eventually I made it to the top and then started working on falling. These days I'm far more comfortable with heights and falling, but it was a long process to get here.

The things that helped the most were having climbing partners that did not push me to go higher when I felt uncomfortable, attention redirection, and repeated exposure:

• If my climbing partners ever did something like refusing to lower me until I went just a bit higher, I probably would have given up climbing very early on. I'm already panicking and past my comfortable level of exposure. The last thing I need is someone to keep me trapped in that situation.
• Attention redirection (I repeated a litany) helped me quite a bit when I was on the wall. After a while, I began to recognize when I was starting to panic. If I redirected my attention at that moment, I could often prevent myself from completely panicking. I would focus very intently on reciting the litany against fear from Dune and keep climbing. It worked far better than I expected it to. Downsides: people on the wall within earshot probably think you're a crazy person :D
• As other have mentioned, I'm not aware of a way to overcome your fear of heights when climbing without climbing. I tried amusement park rides like tall Ferris Wheels and those rides that drop/launch you dozens of feet to no success.

Dave MacLeod has a section that discusses fear of falling/heights in his book "9 Out of 10 Climbers Make the Same Mistakes." I quite enjoyed reading it and it helped me realize that some amount of fear is probably normal.

Tim Stich wrote: Systematic desensitization is what you are doing, so keep doing it. But if at some point you just don't get more comfortable with heights, it might not be worth pushing it further.

This is it!

My wife has similar inclinations.  She's very strong, and could probably surpass my level quickly if she wanted to, but she gets 20 feet up (inside and outside) and asks to come down.  In the past, I have tried to encourage her to keep going, and I know this was a mistake and I now do what she asks immediately.

Part of my experience as a belayer was working at the Bass Pro Shop in Denver (Northfield).  There was a decent natural wall with holds and anyone could do it for free.  Sometimes there were long lines, sometimes no one around at all, some experienced climbers or athletes that would breeze right up, some people that could never get off the ground.

My favorite part of the job would be when someone would get up a ways and say, "OK, I'm done."
I'd reply, "Are you sure?"
And sometimes they were and I'd lower promptly.  But, sometimes, they would turn back to the wall, look up to the top, and push through.  They would make it all the way to the top.  It was this victorious moment to be a part of and they would be overjoyed.  I tried to do this with my wife, and I think it scarred her and she resists climbing now.

So I am looking forward to more helpful replies in this thread!

More tricams, probably.  And, climb more, until one day it is not a problem.  As with most things for regular people, there are no shortcuts.  There may be a pill or other recreational pharmaceutical solution though.

One of climbing friends, she started 4-5 months ago, is apprehensive about heights. She says it has gotten better over time. She tries to climb concentrating on holds, if it gets freaky, asks for a take and hangs on the rope for a bit. If she feels calm enough, climbs some more, otherwise comes down.

Keep at it, have understanding belayers who do not push you - you will push through on your own if that's what you can and want to do.

This will sound crazy but it worked for me; do simple math problems as you climb.  I have no data to back this statement up but for me it occupied that part of my brain that was freaking out while not causing the part that controlled motor skills to stop working.  But yeah after a while I didn't have to do that any longer and now very much just enjoy the view.  Also if you start to get worried just check your tie-in knot.  Not really needed but it's a way to provide a comfortable thing to do while scared and will cause no harm.

since you say you know that youre safe on the rope, find a climb youre not afraid on, maybe something with a hard section not too high up but safe to fall from. go up and down a bit so you get tired. then push yourself to exhaustion/pump and try making the hard moves. dont cling and give up, make the actual moves until you fall.
try not to think about a fall, only getting to the next hold. even if you know youll fall on the next move, go for it. once you start climbing like this, youll notice you start not thinking about a fall, and when you do fall youll realize youre hanging there in your harness on the end of the rope before you even knew you fell.

For me, personally, it was repetitions and sticking with it. It wasn't easy and at times I questioned whether I really wanted to be climbing in the first place. It took me about a year of being scared on top rope to feel comfortable with it all and trust the systems in place, another year or so after that to start leading, and a while after that to genuinely enjoy climbing and be excited to get outside rather than find reasons to not. Moral of the story, just like our bodies can be trained to pull harder, our minds can be trained to get comfortable with being off the ground and even taking falls. Fall practice starting in a gym and then carrying that over to outside was very beneficial for me, but most important was getting the reps in to get comfortable

@ Blakevan- I do something similar.  After some deep breathing... Counting in Spanish ( not my native language) or humming a tune to divert the brain if I start to feel panicy. A friend of mine who was in a severe car accident was having panic attacks when she got back to driving- her shrink prescribed putting on her favorite music and singing out loud with it when she was feeling anxious.  It totally cured her.

... and yeah- i keep reminding myself that it's ground I need to be afraid of.  The farther away from it the safer you are.

Edit to add: agree with Spaggett. More tricams are clearly in order :)

I’ll make one more comment before this thread gets stale or trolled. Josh was getting pretty close to the heart of my meaning: “there are many possible motivations for climbing”. By implication some are superior in effect.
        Simply stated getting better at climbing is the simplest motivation when it comes to achieving mental focus. If your goal is esoteric you have no reasonable assumption of success; alternatively if your goal is concrete-climb better, you have a sensible feedback system.
        Add a routine to that system: by the time you are laced up, and chalked up you should have only the climbing in front of you on your mind, and a plan; or read a bunch of books and campus your way into repetitive strain injury. Please take the snark  lightly.

OP joined recently and appears to be an attractive woman.

OP gets several serious responses from people who would have chased a dude into hiding.

OP does not respond even as thread heads into second page.

I could go on, but I won't.

Controlled fear of heights is probably close to optimal-habituation (what the late Willi Unsoeld called "fear exercises") is a major part of the process. I once did a multi-person trip that included a woman who was literally and entirely fearless of heights, and kept doing things that were way unsafe (rappelling off a single #3 stopper before the rest of the anchor was built,etc.) Give me a partner with a rational,controlled fear of height every time-they pay much better attention.

Everyone has a fear of heights to start out with. It's imbedded in the primitive "rat brain". Part of what keeps you from killing yourself doing stupud things.
Using reason to overcome the rat brain is precisely what makes climbing so addicting. The endorphin rush.
I have frequent long hiatuses. And when I return to it, I often feel that primitive fear creeping in and inhibiting my movement. My usual routine to bust out of it is a series of forced drops and falls, up to 10' or so. When you actually launch off and rope keeps you from decking no matter how hard you jump, you get past that fear.

I used to be so afraid of heights that I even hated being a passenger in a car driving on a steep mountain road. My parents were amazed to see me take to rock climbing in my early 20s. To some extent desensitization helped (so frequent and mildly uncomfortable experiences helped). Also, I had a few things that seemed to just 'click' that really helped me.

The first was realizing the difference between soloing and being safely roped. In the latter, I realized that I could take that fear, set it aside as it was not due to real danger, and enjoy my time well enough. So basically, learn to set aside emotions that are just emotions, while looking rationally at the situation. More knowledge of what is safe or dangerous helps here, as do frequent self-reminders.

The second was when for some reason I just crossed a threshold where I became engaged enough in my climbing (routefinding, pro, immediate sequence, immediate fall threats related to pro). In that case, somehow I seem to forget about the exposure. Sort of like a milder form of flow.

I seemed to go through these again when getting into Big Walls (example), although I experienced some setbacks that have been a bit harder to overcome, but I think things are working through well in a similar way (somehow harder aid isn't necessarily scarier for me as I am less nervous about exposure!).