Lead Climbing Anxieties

I'm interested in hearing about your experiences, advice, and criticisms.

Recently, my girlfriend (who is my main climbing partner) and I took a lead climbing class at our local gym, passed the gym's tests, and even took our skills outdoors with a guide shortly after. Ramping up to the test, we were climbing a lot and felt very on top of our game. Almost immediately after passing the test at the gym, we unexpectedly took off 1.5-2 weeks for work and travel. When we returned to the gym to get back on lead, we had lost our nerve. We did a couple of very easy routes, but backed off as soon as we felt a fall was possible and went back to top-roping. During our last session, I climbed to the 25-35 ft range and just did practice falls, on lead, until I felt okay. My girlfriend is great on belay, but hasn't worked up the nerve to get back on lead.

She's very anxious about taking falls in general. Which might be appropriate. Almost two years ago, she had a bad landing off a 12 foot boulder problem and destroyed her ankle.
I'm less anxious about taking falls. However, I'm freaked out about ground falls -- either before that first clip or before I'm high enough to where my belayer can actually catch me.

We love climbing. We've been at it for a few years -- mostly in a gym on top-rope. Passing the lead climbing test was a huge milestone for us. We can't tell if we're in a spot where top-roping is enough for us and maybe we feel obligated to push ahead with the lead climbing OR we really see the joy in lead climbing but need to get past our fears to experience the good feels.

Thom Glick wrote: I'm interested in hearing about your experiences, advice, and criticisms.

There will be many replies to your post, most of them could be condensed to "take falls".

Vertical Adventures usually has a jug haul rated 5.10- set on the overhanging prow. Encourage your friend climb it almost to the top, clip the 1st draw over the transition, get some slack and take a fall. Repeat many times, aim for relaxation and just letting it go. Explain that it is so overhung that there is no risk of hitting anything. 

You, as belayer, should take these falls as a tool to practice soft catches. Also observe the good (quiet) and bad ( hard and loud) catches, and how they are executed.

Just because you like to climb doesn't mean you will like to lead. If it's for any reason other than you genuinely want to, why peer pressure yourself? That said, if its something you want to do you just get out and do it by whatever means. 
This is exactly why there's so many people content with just bouldering. No shame in it.

Vertical Mind is a good resource on the scientific evidence around these issues. It is a very dry read. One thing my partner found useful was to not reinforce the anxiety response. Make incremental progress toward your goals and reassess them. Patience is key. 

Consider climbing with other partners.

I deal with the same anxieties indoor and outdoor.  I still practice falling but the anxieties seem to come and go throughout the year.  Some sessions I feel great and am okay with the thought of falling and sometimes I am just scared poopless.  

One thing that does help me is gaining experience climbing with multiple people.  When climbing with the same partner especially my significant other I feel like our anxieties match and play off of each other.  When climbing with someone else you really do not have the playing off of each other to make the anxiety keep escalating.  You will get more experience climbing in general which does help ease the anxiety in the long run and makes climbing with your regular partner, your significant other, a lot better.

Jason Wilson wrote: One thing that does help me is gaining experience climbing with multiple people.  When climbing with the same partner especially my significant other I feel like our anxieties match and play off of each other.  When climbing with someone else you really do not have the playing off of each other to make the anxiety keep escalating.  You will get more experience climbing in general which does help ease the anxiety in the long run and makes climbing with your regular partner, your significant other, a lot better.

This was a big thing for me.  Mixing up partners really helped me getting past leading anxiety.  I had the same issue described by Jason and climbing with others helped me get better with my lead head.  I still get anxious but I'm much better prepared for it having worked through it.

The most important thing is to just do it a lot. Set a minimum goal for yourself to start with: e.g. 3 lead climbs every day before getting on top ropes. Just get it out of the way at the start of your session, and don't give yourself "I'm already too pumped" excuses.

While doing so, the following can be a nice progression:

1) Climb clip to clip. Tell your belayer to take as soon as you've clipped (and decide on this before you start climbing). This way you get some milage on the lead wall, without the added fear of falling or failure because you won't get pumped.
2) Climb *a lot* of easy routes (routes you don't expect to fall on). Do laps on the same climbs if necessary, just to get milage.
3) Clip the top anchors and jump off (without taking the slack out) to create a mini lead fall. Just to get familiar with the feeling of falling.
4) Once you're comfortable enough with the above steps: plan on-sight sessions. You're not allowed to "take", which means you either make it to the top, or you'll take a fall and lower. Pick some climbs above your ability with clean falls, and go for it. Don't try to panic-clip when you're getting pumped. If you feel like you're not able to clip, take the fall instead.

Go lead and find out. It's called the "sharp end" for a reason : )

Thom Glick wrote: 
However, I'm freaked out about ground falls -- either before that first clip or before I'm high enough to where my belayer can actually catch me.

I'm too old to break an ankle so I stick clip the first bolt almost all the time now. Sometimes I even stick clip the second one! The trango long beta stick is excellent, as is the superclip if you can find a good pole.

Thom Glick wrote: I'm interested in hearing about your experiences, advice, and criticisms.

I have a worse than average fear of heights. Even on top rope I couldn't at first bring myself to do hard moves that might turn into a fall; it took a couple months of climbing, but eventually I took a couple accidental TR falls and my fear there disappeared.

The problem is that my fear is still there on lead, in fact it's much worse because knowing that I have a 10 foot (completely safe) fall before the rope catches me is hard for me to deal with. I've been lead climbing for several years and have not yet taken an unexpected fall; any move that I'm not 100% solid on, I can't make myself do. Practicing falling helps some, lead climbing more helps me feel more confident so I can come closer to my climbing limit, but I'm pretty sure that this fear won't really disappear until I take a bunch of accidental falls on lead. I lead climb regularly and climb as hard as my fear will let me in the hopes that this happens eventually. So my advice to you and your girlfriend would be to try clip dropping or other practice falling techniques, but you may have to do what I haven't yet managed, which is push your limits enough to start falling on lead.

It's a real phobia, too. I have no problem bouldering even though bouldering is clearly a more dangerous activity than lead climbing. It's the height that is triggering my fear, not the danger.

A few specific suggestions under the "take lots of falls" category:
1. Every time you go to the gym, take a few falls on the first route you get on. Just do it. No excuses. They don't have to be big falls, but you have to get used to it.
2. If you want to try leading a harder route, practice falling at places where you think you might fall when you actually try to send. Get to the crux, and purposely let go a couple of times to get used to how it feels.
3. Sometimes, don't just let go and fall to practice. Actively make a move to a hold, but don't grab it; just touch it or something, then fall. That will get you used to falling while doing moves.

In general, there's no quick fix here. You just have to force yourself to lead. Just do it. Absolutely no excuses.

One last thing: back when I got slightly more comfortable, but I was still a little scared, I made a rule for myself: if I was out climbing and a friend said "You wanna lead this?", I HAD to say yes. That was my rule. And it helped a lot.

Bill Shubert wrote:

bouldering is clearly a more dangerous activity than lead climbing.

You sure about that? More likely to break an ankle maybe. More dangerous? How many people have died from bouldering??

Oh also: bouldering is WAY WAY scarier than lead climbing, in my opinion. A ground fall every time you fall? Ew. Don't let a bad bouldering fall scare you away from leading, because...you don't hit the ground when you lead. That's why it's so fun.

Thom Glick wrote: 
I'm less anxious about taking falls. However, I'm freaked out about ground falls -- either before that first clip or before I'm high enough to where my belayer can actually catch me.

Do you have full confidence in your belayer and your clipping ability?  A belayer should be able to catch you at any point after the first clip, provided you don't fall while making the second clip (or maybe third if you clip from low down) given the bolt spacing at any gym I've been to.  Of course it's not as nice, and can result in a jarring catch or collision, but if I had a real concern about hitting the ground in a gym, I would focus on improving the belay situation.  Barring any concerns about the belayer, I'd definitely go the practice falling route.

Your goals and your girlfriends goals in climbing may not match up, and that is ok. In my experience there can be more mental baggage when climbing with a significant other--you might find it is nice to try climbing with another, more ambivalent partner, especially if you are nervous or want to push yourself.

Use a stick clip if you're worried about falling on the first bolt. You can also take up trad climbing where falling isn't encouraged like it is in sport climbing. For example, if you climb at the Gunks there are plenty of great 5.4 climbs where you probably won't fall, and it's still great fun. Just lead climb below your limit and it's possible you'll never take a fall.

caughtinside wrote:

I agree with Bill.  The vast majority of climbing injuries from people I know have been from bouldering.  If the threshold is... death, then lead climbing might be a little more dangerous, but there have been bouldering fatalities.  

I guess I was ultimately thinking of fatalities or serious accidents. I do agree that bouldering above 10 feet is pretty pucker inducing, more so than lead climbing. 

Echoing the suggestion to climb with others; helped me and my girlfriend quite a bit. Also, have a candid conversation with your gf regarding your climbing goals. For some, climbing is a center-piece of a relationship whereas its "just a hobby we do together" in others'. And, oftentimes, you may not share the same level of passion for it and/or goals.

After learning to lead climb and leading for a few months, my gf was still having some issues paying out slack quickly with the GriGri and was a little fall-shy as a belayer and as a climber. In turn, I felt less-than-ideal on lead and only climbed easy routes that I "knew" I would not fall on which led to some falling anxiety of my own. I sat down with her and explained that I felt somewhat limited because I could not climb hard with the mental security that she was going to be able to react to the situation re: paying out slack quickly when getting pumped and/or being able to pull it back in quickly if "falling" is called out (particularly when we climbed outside, when I cared most and when risks were highest).

In coming up with a solution, we landed on taking a 1-hour private "buffer" lesson with someone at the gym who spent the a large chunk of the hour getting her super-competent with a GriGri while I lead climbed. Then, he had me take repeated falls with slightly varying distances from the last bolt and explained when it would be appropriate to give a hard catch, soft catch, and how to remain aware of on-route hazards (e.g. a rest ledge halfway up the route "becomes" the ground for belay purposes). Finally, he had us switch and had her take repeated falls while explaining to me how to give a catch given our weight difference. The biggest thing that we gained by practicing the belay techniques and falling was trust in one another. Just that hour of being able to work with an instructor helped immeasurably and, in the context of a relationship, I think it lends itself to a more "we're in this together" approach versus a "you're screwing up and its scaring the shit out of me" approach haha.

Kedron Silsbee wrote:

Do you have full confidence in your belayer and your clipping ability? 

I trust my belayer. She tends to be very conservative with feeding rope, since she knows I'm anxious about taking unexpected falls. She's very good at pulling out slack entirely after each clip whether I call for a take/rest or not. 

I would like to have more confidence in my clipping. My issue is less about getting the rope clipped and more about trusting my hand and feet to keep me anchored long enough to make the clip. This past week I started an actual hangboard training routine to build more confidence with this.

Most of my anxiety is about taking a fall in the ground fall zone -- mostly before the first clip or at the second clip. Like another commenter, I think I have an above average fear of heights. Part of my love for climbing is facing that fear. However, I'm noticing some real issues getting past that fear as I'm venturing more into the lead climbing. 

There's totally a weird dynamic I've noticed with relationships and belay partners... since there's so many emotions involved and you guys know eachother so well, I personally think it's important to have somewhat of an emotional disconnect when climbing. If one person is scared and the other empathizes with them, it kind of bounces back and fourth and escalates to something way huger than it is. Be confident and calm as a belayer, and realize that especially when leading easy stuff at VA there's really little risk involved as long as your systems are good!

To be honest, I've experienced this so much in relationships that I prefer to have a random (but competent) stranger belay me than my significant other on hard shit I'm scared of. Maybe that's just me, and maybe I just secretly don't want strangers to know I'm scared, or maybe it helps me focus on climbing... regardless, I've actually found it a pretty effective cure to my head game.

The mental aspect of climbing (leading being only one subset of the mental game) will benefit from practice and repetition as much as the strength and technique aspect improves with practice. When you are new, the ability to lead is not an on/off switch where once you know how to lead means you will be able to lead anything you can top rope. Like any skill, leading takes time to develop, and some people take longer than others.

Some ideas that helped me when I first started:

1. Lead early and often. Do all your warmups on lead. Try to lead harder routes (see #3).

2. Give yourself permission to top rope anything that looks sketchy to you. Find an appropriate level of fear that allows you to progress without keeping you from learning. Over time, what previously looked sketchy to you will become casual. 

3. Leading does not have to mean sending. As a new leader, it can be intimidating to think about leading something at your limit in one go. It is okay to take and go bolt to bolt. You can progress to climbing bolt to bolt mentally (climb to next bolt, clip, and reassess if you want to keep going or take). Beware that this can become a crutch, so use it as a tool in your arsenal.

4. The more you lead, the more likely it is you will be able to spot good clipping stances, no-fall zones, and cruxes before you leave the ground.

5. Lead belaying is an art and a skill that can be developed. With experience, you will learn when to give a hard or soft catch, how much slack is appropriate depending on terrain, etc.

6. At some point, you will need to be comfortable with falling. Some people need to take baby steps (see the Clip-drop technique), while others just need to take whippers while trying hard to get it out of their system. This might change from day to day. Sometimes falling is dangerous, and your fear can keep you alive. Experience will help you learn the difference between warranted and unwarranted fear.

7. Be kind to yourself and have fun.

I like the suggestion to climb with multiple people. Everyone brings a different level of stoke, support, and experience that you can learn from.