mountaineering vs relationship

Hi, I hope some one can help me with my confused situation.

I am a mountaineer not very professional but would like to become one, however last year I fell in love with my first ever boyfriend and our relationship would only continue if I stop mountaineering since the group that I am part of are all men and he can not accept that. I love him so much that I accepted but now after one year I can see that back of my  mind I still love mountaineering and it effects my relationship in different ways. It's not easy for me to leave him because of mountains and can't stop thinking that he is the reason I stopped even hiking. Is there any thing I can do to forget mountains or any solution...

ler tah wrote:

the group that I am part of are all men and he can not accept that.

Only you can decide what your deal-breakers are and how much this relationship means to you versus pursuing your other goals.  However for me that kind of jealousy would be an immediate reason to dump that partner.  I would be looking for someone who encourages me to follow my dreams and goals, not prevents me from doing so for petty reasons.

So you joined this site today to ask this question? Odd. 

Don't look at it as leaving him because of the mountains.  You'd be leaving him because he's insecure and jealous of your independence.  That's a reason I'd tell anyone to leave their partner.  While everyone makes sacrifices for their partners or spouses, it's only a sacrifice if you decide to do it on your own.  Not out of an ultimatum.  

My wife doesn't mind that I go to the gym with all of those young girls in tights.  Your boyfriend should get over you being around a group of guys.  Would he want you to quit your job if there were a lot of men?  Sounds like it to me.  It sounds more like he doesn't trust you, and is insecure about how you feel about him.  Unless you've cheated on him before, he has nothing to worry about.  

Mens who start relationships like that are more likely to escalate to abuse, both emotional and physical.  Get out while you can 

Are you a mountaineer or a hiker?

What is your mountaineering experience?

Lol, is this one of those "How can patient be the doctors son?" Tests? 

Regardless, this dude sounds insecure.

This is a blatant troll post.  

Given I do know some girls who are really good climbers married to guys who aren't that great at it.

I could never put up eith a partner like that, but some people do.

i know a female climber married to a non-climber guy, who doesn't want her climbing with guys. She is allowed to climb with "very old guys whom she doesn't find attractive" (roll eye!) or with other women. She hates this restriction, but she makes it work, even though it really restricts her climbing options. 

i know a male climber married to a non-climber woman who doesn't want him to climb with any women. He has a much easier time complying with this request, because there are more guys climbing. But her restriction extends even to getting a RIDE to a climbing area with a woman. No kidding, this guy was going down to the New once, to meet up with some partners of his, and a female friend of mine was looking for a ride share to the new, to meet up with her boyfriend. The male climbers' wife was not ok with that! WTF?

Lena chita wrote:

I could never put up eith a partner like that, but some people do.

i know a female climber married to a non-climber guy, who doesn't want her climbing with guys. She is allowed to climb with "very old guys whom she doesn't find attractive" (roll eye!) or with other women. She hates this restriction, but she makes it work, even though it really restricts her climbing options. 

i know a male climber married to a non-climber woman who doesn't want him to climb with any women. He has a much easier time complying with this request, because there are more guys climbing. But her restriction extends even to getting a RIDE to a climbing area with a woman. No kidding, this guy was going down to the New once, to meet up with some partners of his, and a female friend of mine was looking for a ride share to the new, to meet up with her boyfriend. The male climbers' wife was not ok with that! WTF?

Wow... I guess, "to each their own", and, "don't judge", and all that, but that's an astonishing level of jealousy and distrust.

Baba Fats wrote:

Don't look at it as leaving him because of the mountains.  You'd be leaving him because he's insecure and jealous of your independence.  That's a reason I'd tell anyone to leave their partner.  While everyone makes sacrifices for their partners or spouses, it's only a sacrifice if you decide to do it on your own.  

+1

That's a very controlling attitude, which is a huge red flag to me. Even if you were fine with giving up climbing, or had dozens of female climbing partners, there are going to be men in your life. They are half the population. Would he not want you to have any male friends? Participate in any hobbies that any men also participate in? Work at a job with any male co-workers? If you're at a restaurant or a party or climbing a mountain with a group of your acceptable female friends, and one of their guy friends shows up, does he want you to leave? 

He's asking you to significantly change your lifestyle and all current and future relationships, forever, all to make his fragile ego slightly more comfortable. That would be deal breaker enough for me even if it never goes any further. But Baba Fats is right, this can be a sign of feelings of an attitude of control and ownership, and that can (not always, but can) escalate to much worse things down the road. I advise you to think very seriously about leaving and not looking back. 

If it's your first relationship ever it may feel hard to believe, but there WILL be others, and you should hold out for one who loves you for who you are, would rather see you independent than controlled, and encourages and supports even those dreams of yours he doesn't share. 

Baba Fats wrote:

 Would he want you to quit your job if there were a lot of men?  Sounds like it to me.  

Exactly what I was thinking. My Wife works for the State of Colorado up here in Glenwood Springs and it's mostly a bunch of dudes. What's she supposed to do? 

Having a controlling, jealous, insecure partner be it work or play is just never going to work. Well, it could work but it would be one long car crash the whole time. Just my one cent..

bad troll go home

1/10

Guy Keesee wrote:

Sounds like your BF is correct in his thinking.

When I go on "climbing trips" with the young ladies from stoney point my wife knows just what IS REALLY going on. 

When I get home late Sunday night all dirty and smelly and totally exhausted......  she knows.

And ler tah, being a woman and a mountaineer after all, you know what is going on as well. 

So your confusion is well founded because the sex with all of the climbers, boys as well as girls, is the best sex you have ever had in your life!

I know its hard to walk away from the climbing scene.

Once you have been to the Mountain its hard to not keep returning, its biological.

  

 

Guy.........I'm laughing so hard my side hurts!!!!!!!!

PS, I will never share a tent with you bro, I hate surprises.............. ;)

I love the evolution of  the Mountain Project forum.  Not only can you get your TR setup critiqued or find out what crags are in season all over the country.  You can now get relationship advise from the MP community. 

In addition to this thread we've had the following gems in the past week:

https://www.mountainproject.com/forum/topic/113515544/non-climber-surprises-me-with-her-take-on-honnolds-soloing

https://www.mountainproject.com/forum/topic/113526161/top-belay-bd-guide-by-wire#ForumMessage-113526454

Lol joined one day ago? TROLLOLOLOLOL

Id rather be in the mountains thinking about love, than sitting with my love thinking about the mountains. 

Jose Gutierrez wrote:

I don't want to read too much into this, but if its your "first ever boyfriend" then I assume you are young and its hard to get it right your first time. If he isn't even into hiking I think it will be challenging to have a meaningful long term relationship where he is not holding you back.

That being said I don't think it is "petty" for him to be concerned with you having fun in the mountains with a bunch of dudes.  As a guy I can say its pretty much impossible to have a strictly platonic relationship with other women, so I don't think its unreasonable for him to be concerned with their motivations even if its not yours.  My wife would not be okay with me climbing with other women, so its not something I do. If you do want to stay with this guy I would try to find some other crusher women to explore with.

he is my first because I always wanted to do what I wanna do without any limitation and in my culture it's kinda normal that guys dont want their girlfriend or wife be surrounded with men only. I am 32 by the way