Good Climbing jokes

I thought that mtn project needed some comedy so please post.

how can you spot a trad climber at a party?

......dont worry, he'll tell you

^^^ I always heard a similar joke about ski patrol.

There' s a hundred people in a room and only one of them is on ski patrol. How do you know which one? (Pause) he'll tell you.

How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. and 9 to cheer them on.

How many climbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- 0, Climbers don't screw in light bulbs we screw in sleeping bags!

Chris Small wrote:How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. and 9 to cheer them on.

Three mountain guides are sitting around a campfire deciding to hold up below treeline, out on the lonesome, each with the bravado for which guides are famous. 

A night of tall tales begins... The first guide says, "I must be the meanest, toughest guide there is. Why, just the other day, an ornery bull elk got loose in Banff and gored six tourists before I wrestled him to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."

The second guide, not to be outdone, boasted: "Why that's nothin'. I was climbing in Skaha walking the trail yesterday and a 15 foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that varmint with my bare hands, bit it's head off, and sucked the poison right out of my arm. And I'm still here today."

The third guide remained silent,...

slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

These ar good guys. How about:

Ive got mo friends and my nuts are too small!!!!

Chris Small wrote:How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. and 9 to cheer them on.

How many Boulderites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One: they just hold the bulb up, and the world revolves around them.

Ethan Newman wrote:How many Boulderites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One: they just hold the bulb up, and the world revolves around them.

I am pro-boulderite joke.

What do you do if a professional climber comes to your house?

Pay for your pizza.

When I leave Colorado, nobody has ever heard of Boulder

Buff Johnson wrote:When I leave Colorado, nobody has ever heard of Boulder

You know you're a trad climber when Courtesy of Trango

all your draws are 12" long
your kid climbs harder than you do
you've worn out a set of cams
there is scar tissue on the back of your hands
you shave the back of your hands
you've got old tape gloves lying around
you quit sport climbing because you can't do any of the routes
you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips
you say, "what?" when your leader says, "take!"
you can wear your climbing shoes all day
you enjoy guilt-free eating
you don't know what your body-fat % is
you ask your partner how much water to bring along
you do a first ascent and report the names of both members in your party
you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay
you read back-issues of mountain gazette
you know how to turn a crack 'n up into a beak
you know what a beak is
you wake up at 2:00am to go climbing
your drill uses a hammer
you take a nap in the middle of a climb
you spend three hours removing a fixed cam
you don't want beta
you think a bong is a type of piton
you remember when climbing gear didn't have springs
you take a forty footer
you summit a desert tower
you still use a gear sling
there is a holster on your harness
you rappel six pitches in the dark
you rappel six pitches in the snow
you drill from a stance
you own a hammer and a haul bag
you have sex on a belay ledge
you're on day 2 of a sport climbing trip and you can't remember what you did on day 1
you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit
your rack is worth more than your car
your best memories are from the epics you've had
you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn't do the route you thought you did
you spend a night hanging in slings
you miss work on monday because you epic'd on sunday
a whole block of chalk fits in your chalk bag
you dump your boyfriend because he just doesn't get it
you wear out a set of jugs
you drive all night so you can climb all day
you drive all night because you climbed all day
you're up so high the trees look like broccoli
your rack of pins is heavier than your rack of draws
your slings have knots in them
you know who larry penberthy is
you know the difference between a copperhead and a circlehead
you think "beta" is a video format
you can shit and and belay at the same time
you wear socks in your climbing shoes
a long approach doesn't discourage you from a good climb
you coil your rope
you've set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack

Two lawyers are high up on El Cap when a buxomly beautiful blond climber soloes up past them. One of the lawyers turns to the other and says "man, I sure would like to screw her." The other lawyer reflects for a moment and then replys "outta what"?

What happens when you sit on the snow to long...?
You get Polaroids

How do you describe sex at Indian Creek? In tents

Warren Scott wrote:Two lawyers are high up on El Cap when a buxomly beautiful blond climber soloes up past them. One of the lawyers turns to the other and says "man, I sure would like to screw her." The other lawyer reflects for a moment and then replys "outta what"?