Dating a climber...

rogerbenton wrote: I say follow your heart. Fall in lust, fall in love, go with the flow, be open to feelings towards and interest from anyone that catches your eye. Don't pigeon hole someone who doesn't exist in your life yet. If dating truly is hard, narrowing the focus will only make matters worse.

Legit post Roger!

rogerbenton wrote:We just celebrated our 11th anniversary.

That's awesome, but...

rogerbenton wrote:More importantly, we have common goals for our future and the upbringing of our child.

you'll eventually become empty nesters...

It used to be that when I hear about relationships between passionate climbers/outdoors type and non-climbers/no interests in the outdoors, I can at least point to one successful coupleI knew well who were married for almost 20 years. Then the kids grew up, married and/or went to college. One day the husband found out the wife had started cheating on him. Long story short, he now dates a very outdoorsy type. Of course, 20 years ain't bad by today's standard, if you didn't think you were living under an illusion.

Not saying your relationship will end up anywhere close to that, but raising a kid often masks relationship issues, given how often I hear divorces once the kids leave for college (& the conclusion of other temporary life events). But successful examples are good, given that statistically speaking, heterosexual male climbers are pretty much doomed relationship wise, if they can only find happiness w/ other climbers.

So, I had the fortunate experience of dating a climber gal, my climbing partner for over a year.

Our lives were not meant to stay on the same path for long, but to have someone to share the fire with, and to relish the days climbing with, is something to remember.

Sadness, and Joy.

Find what you seek.

reboot wrote: That's awesome, but... Not saying your relationship will end up anywhere close to that, but .

But your marriage is based off of lies

But your relationship will end up exactly like that because everyone I know isn't happy, cheating on one another and end up divorced.

If climbing is more than just a hobby to you, here are a few rules to live by:

Rule #1: Don't get married. (Personal philosophy, not a strict rule)

Rule #2: Don't have children.

Rule #3: Find a partner who doesn't drive you insane and shares your view of the world.

If that person is a climber:
Do you climb well together? Can you go to a crag without fighting? Are you OK if they climb with other people? Do you travel well together?

If they are not a climber:
Are they OK with you climbing a lot (being away). Are they OK with you climbing with other people (especially members of their sex--jealousy is not OK), Are they psyched to travel to places you want to climb? And most importantly, are they driven in their own hobby or sport?

Most of these statements are essentially irrelevant to climbing, it could be an pursuit. If your not on the same page, that's where it starts to fall apart. Of course a relationship is give and take so you must be willing to compromise for their sake, if they will for you.

Climbing is more than just a hobby to me

I broke Rules 1 and 2 and three half of Rule 3.

All is well.

ClimbLikeAGirl wrote:If climbing is more than just a hobby to you, here are a few rules to live by: Rule #1: Don't get married. (Personal philosophy, not a strict rule) Rule #2: Don't have children. Rule #3: Find a partner who doesn't drive you insane and shares your view of the world.

Man, Lynn Hill, Conrad Anker, Beth Rodden and Tommy Caldwell (I know, divorce), Chris Sharma, and many many others have really messed up their lives by getting married, some even had children too...

Bill Kirby wrote: But your marriage is based off of lies But your relationship will end up exactly like that because everyone I know isn't happy, cheating on one another and end up divorced.

I did not say that; I'm just not convinced.

Tapawingo wrote: Man, Lynn Hill, Conrad Anker, Beth Rodden and Tommy Caldwell (I know, divorce), Chris Sharma, and many many others have really messed up their lives by getting married, some even had children too...

Sharma hasn't been married for very long at all. The rest are pretty strange examples for the point you are trying to make. Regardless, when you are a pro, there seems to be an even stranger set of "rules" to go by.

Jen Vaisman wrote:Dating is hard enough as it is, and I find that I'm only interested in dating a "climber." I'd hate to put a ceiling on possibility by having specific criteria but with most of my bandwidth focused on climbing, gear, trips, the prospect of jumping etc. I find it hard to imagine a non-climber fitting in somewhere. I recently met a married man whose wife doesn't climb -- he's been climbing on and off for several years and was aware that she didn't climb when he tied the knot and all these years later is complaining that they lack common interests. There's some definite bullshit in his reasoning but it begs the question, what happens if your companion stops climbing (for any number of reasons)? Thoughts?

I'm a married man whose wife does not climb. My climbing partner is my son in-law and my daughter also doesn't climb. However, its not an issue because both my wife and daughter like to spend times outdoors, hiking, camping and don't have a problem with our climbing. We count our blessings.

reboot wrote: I did not say that; I'm just not convinced. Sharma hasn't been married for very long at all. The rest are pretty strange examples for the point you are trying to make. Regardless, when you are a pro, there seems to be an even stranger set of "rules" to go by.

How are they strange examples? I was be facetious and these folks have managed to be married and excel at the sport and make it more than just a hobby.

Tapawingo wrote: I was be facetious and these folks have managed to be married and excel at the sport and make it more than just a hobby.

Well no shit. Convincing someone to marry you is much easier than having a successful & long lasting marriage. I imagine most people aren't just aiming for the former.

reboot wrote: Well no shit. Convincing someone to marry you is much easier than having a successful & long lasting marriage. I imagine most people aren't just aiming for the former.

Still not sure what you're getting at, I was replying to the 3 rules to live by from the quote I posted so your comments aren't really relevant.

Honestly this post kind of angers me, but I'll try to play nice.

Every relationship is different. In some, partners are attached at the hip and do everything together and like it that way. In others partners have a few core values in common but varied interests and hobbies. If dating a climber is important to you, then date a climber.

I climb. My boyfriend is super into mountain biking. I think mountain biking is badass and feel that its awesome that we have different but complimentary interests. He cares not one bit that I take a day off of work to climb with someone who isn't him, and I don't have any issue with him prioritizing riding after work every day even if it means I don't see him and eat dinner until later.

I've taught my boyfriend to belay and bought him personal climbing gear. Sometimes we go to the climbing gym together on days when the weather outside isn't suitable for other outdoor activities. He's fixed up my entry level hardtail mountain bike with some sweet components, scouted out easier local trails that we can ride together, and got me a new safer helmet. Just this past weekend I took a downhill lesson at a local mountain bike park and he spent half a day loading my bike onto the lift and trailing me on green runs so I could gains some skills and confidence.

To me, this is way more fun and rewarding than if we did the same sport. I like trying new things and it's fun to be able to share our passions with one another and appreciate the skill level the other person has at their sport. I don't feel like I'm holding him back all the time because when we climb or do water sports, I'm more capable, while he's a far more skilled and athletic biker and faster and stronger when it comes to most other activities. What's important is that we have similar values - when it comes to outdoor recreation we just have different defaults.

Every person is different. Every relationship is different. What is important to you and what works for you might not work for someone else. Only you know what is important to you and what your priorities are.

climbing IS my boyfriend.... the few times I dated non-climbers were awful!! Maybe its different for guys who's girlfriend or wife doesn't climb. For me, it was really hard to get out climbing as much as I wanted(need) to and ran into awkward jealousy issues with my male climbing partners. At this point it would take a lot for me to date someone who doesn't climb! Its so much better dating someone who is just as psyched about climbing as you are!

I used to say, I don't mind if he is christian, muslim,short, ginger,smoking a weed, or living with his mother... but I cannot date with somebody who is afraid of height.. :D

Well Sharma has a kid on the way and Caldwell is happily married again I believe and has a new kid too. There's a climbing parter out there for everyone especially as the sport grows and more people take part. Your odds are only getting better people lmao.

These were all great takes to read! I struggled for 3 years with a person who tried her best to climb and pretended to hold interest for a time. It is very difficult if someone doesn't understand that this is more than a sport to most of us, but a passion. Where I currently live albeit an active area climbers are a little more rare, and even serious outdoors people (sans fishing and hunting types) are not that common. So much like the person who moved to Boulder I am working on relocation myself, easier to find someone open or tolerant of ones hobbies if they are more common place.

It seems like those who have found success, often have significant others who share their love of the outdoors. I hope one day to meet someone who has a sense of adventure as a core value.

Sure you will find someone!

I found it distracting to date another climber. Climbing takes concentration and all the nuances in a romantic entanglement can get in the way. I witnessed one couple go from all' s well to complete meltdown once and it put everyone in a dangerous situation. I learned right then that I want to be able to trust the person on the other end of the rope, rather than worrying about jealousies or any of the other baggage a relationship can bring. I instilled a strict rule that I did not date my rope partners and it worked out great. Eventually I married a river man. We spend tons of time on the water and have raised our kids as river rats but that didn't lessen my passion for the mountains. Over our years together climbing became a sacred place that is all mine and I can retreat to for solace and rejuvenation. And my guy totally understands. I think it is more important to share a passion for being active but one shouldn't live in the other person's pocket. Balance is key.

wonderwoman wrote: In March, my husband and I got lost for 3 hours after topping out on Levitation 29. We tried to go down two chossy / slabby gullies before finally finding the correct trail down. It was frustrating and the darkness made the gullies a little scary. At one point, I thought we were going to spend the night up there. In total, it took us 7 hrs to get back to the car at exactly midnight. Not life threatening, but frustration and exhaustion can push the best of friends to the brink of killing each other - but not us. There is no one I would prefer to get lost / climb with.

This is beautiful. I am going to use this metric for all my long term relationships.

Just a thought... What is going to happen if/when you can't climb anymore? Accident? Amputation? Iatrogenic renal failure? Arthritis? Etc etc etc.