Good Climbing jokes

bruce Mcintosh wrote:what is chris sharma's favorite car? Passsatt

Actual LOL at this one.

What do a haul bag and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

They're both connected to a dirtbag!

Rock climbing is like getting a BJ from an ugly chick - never look down.

Ryan Kempf wrote:Rock climbing is like getting a BJ from an ugly chick - never look down.

Great, now I have coffee on my keyboard.

An old one... Whats the difference between a Climber and a Mutual Fund... A Mutual Fund eventually matures and makes money

Mackay Crabbe wrote:An old one... Whats the difference between a Climber and a Mutual Fund... A Mutual Fund eventually matures and makes money

That's supposed to be a bond. Or a CD. Mutual funds don't mature. :)

Greg Berry wrote:What's the hardest part about hating sport climbing? Telling your friends you're gay.

I think there was a typo here, the hating was supposed to be omitted

nicelegs wrote:I have a pretty funny joke. There was this trad guy who hated sport. He travelled to Kentucky and quickly sent WTOK, and managed to hang on every sport route there harder than mid 11. A week before that trip, the same trad climber failed to send Moonlight Buttress because of the pumpy sections, not the crack. Fast forward a few years, the trad climber was living somewhere with sport and was active in developing hard new routes there. Once he left that place he quickly put away all of his old unfinished trad projects. He also found himself with the movement skills to succeed on traditional climbs and R rated routes with far more confidence than he'd ever had before. The punchline isn't sport vs trad. It's pushing yourself vs not.

Sport is a purely physical effort, pushing your body to its physical level. Sport allows you to safely climb at and above your limit

Trad is more of a mental undertaking. Climbing huge run outs near your limit solely on tcus is an experience you will never enjoy on a sport route. Trad also allows you to climb in areas which are not bolted

For the sake of the argument. Sport climbers are whiney little number chasing vegans who train in the gym and complain non stop about their lack of skin and pulled finger pullies, while trad climbers are seeking out the long gnarly routes which provide the best overall experience. They eat canned food cold and lug up a six pack of beer while climbing a multi pitch. As far as boulderers go, IDK WTF the point of this is all about, but, maybe that's because I don't listen to techno music nor sleep with me precious La Sportive Solutions tucked safely under my pillow at night

Locker wrote:I see a BINGO above! Now let's you and I head out sometime SOON and ridicule some "TRAD" climbers getting spanked on BOLTED routes. LOL!

Any trad climber can climb at his trad lead level on any bolted rout. Take a sport climber, put him at his limit on a trad climb, and you are guaranteed to see him freeze up and shit his pants.

Grade for grade, trad packs a bigger punch.

bouldering....

Jonathan Dull wrote:bouldering....

This ^

Whats the difference between a Swiss mountain guide and god?
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.God doesn't think he's a Swiss mountain guide...

What is the difference between a sport climber and a skunk?
You have to provoke the skunk to spray.

What is the difference between an ugly chick and an old climber?
Ugly chick don't need a ride.

What is a difference between Miley and a chick climber?
Chick climber don't even have to look good.

How can you tell an old climbing chick and an old climbing dude apart?
The chick is the rope gun.

Nope. All of them are my own improv.

What happens when Adam Ondra pinches limestome?
...
He gets lime juice!

This post violated Rule #1. It has been removed by Mountain Project.

What happens when Adam Ondra pinches limestone?
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Everyone around him goes deaf.

FTFY