Secret Third Flatiron Area

Deep within the bowels of The Third Flatiron resides what are likely the most clandestine, unique, and macabre, bouldering areas ever discovered by humankind.
The small, closed-mouth, group who have climbed in these caverns belong to a secret fellowship more exclusive than Opus Dei.
Having been excommunicated from this privileged sect by letting the cat out of the bag, I now am free to spew directions and end the secret fellowships’ reign of power/knowledge.

Three quarters of the way up the east face of The Third Flatiron is a feature called The Gash. The Gash is a deep chimney that cleaves a vertical gash from about three quarters height to a point between The Dogs Head and the true summit.
Approximately two thirds of the way up The Gash is a large round chockstone on the right side. By pushing the boulder towards the right, a small aperture is acquired on the left. Squeeze through this confine wearing a small pack loaded with flashlights. Make sure you have several active light sources and back-ups. Light equals life within the labyrinthine recesses of The Third.
Once past the entrance chockstone, simply push the perfectly balanced rock back into place. It will now appear that you are cliffed on a narrow ledge above a bottomless void.
Careful inspection will unveil an ancient fat rope fixed to the wall on the west side of the ledge. Hand over hand yourself down the rope until you feel flat footing beneath you.
Find a low passage to the north and squeeze through it. Once through the low passage, there are two halls. The one to the left dead ends in about two hundred feet. Take the hall on the right side. Follow this down and right, being careful not to bonk your head on stalactites. Soon your footsteps will echo off the ceiling of the grand chamber and you have arrived at the final destination.
A powerful light source will reveal to true magnitude of this spectacular bouldering chamber. Thousands of top quality problems lie in wait. The landings are flat and the air temperature is at a constant fifty-five degrees. It is always a prefect temperature for climbing and it never rains or snows in there.

I may suffer severe consequences for divulging this long held secret, but I do not regret finally sharing, what may be, the worlds greatest bouldering area with my fellow climbers.

Tom, ya gotta take me to that!

I'd better check my calendar; I thought it was December first, not April first!

Is that the same one where if you go down the left hall and through the wardrobe you end up in Mallorca, or am I thinking of the 2nd Flatiron?

I've got it -- the chockstone is a port-key to the Hogwarts Boulder Chamber of Secrets.

Wow! I just got back from exploring the place and everything Tom says about it is absolutely

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The original poster is mistaken. Surely a vision came to him in some fevered dementia. Next he will contend the fairies prance amongst the Ironing Boards.

Poppycock!

So George, are you saying that Tom is lying?

Tom, what you describe sounds like a cave in the third. Am I perceiving this correctly? I have never actually been in the gash so I can't verify validity but I love to climb the 3rd so I will just have to see for myself. How long is this Fat rope that you must down climb and what is it fixed to? How tall are the problems? No pads needed, I guess, If so you would think someone would wonder what is up if you climbed the 3rd with a freaking bouldering pad.

Furthermore, I would like to say I am feeling pretty gullible.

I agree with Mark on this one, gotta be some straight up Harry Potter shiznit.
All seriousness aside though, where is this place in relation to The Ghetto? I've been there, but this place seems ethereal (dare I say it) compared to the rest of the Third. Since the teacher caught you with the note in hand, you must share it with the rest of the class (in all fairness, of course).

One eyed willy?? Pinchers of Power!!!!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy YYYYYooouuuuuuuuUUUU GGGGGuuuuuyyyyyysssss!

Actually I thought my previous post gave no information at all but merely suggested that what Tom said was possibly true! I have no idea if this place exists but I have climbed up the gash and it seems unlikely. It would be really cool if there was such a place!

Anyway I think it is pretty clever that Tom posted this when the 3rd Flatiron is covered with snow, so there is no way to verify it.

Zach,

You owe me an apology for making me spit out my coffee all over my keyboard!!

What's all the commotion? The place is even described at the bottom of page 188 of Rossiter's Rock Climbing the Flatirons.

I read a similar message on frontrangebouldering.com many months ago, I couldn't tell then if it was true either.

Right! Where's Ashton?;-)

Funny, this thread brought back a memory of a guy who was raving about climbing ice on the Third Flatiron. That would be one way to get up there to check it out during this most recent cool spell. I know that something forms up on the 1st, but anyone seen this form up recently?

not recently, but check out the photo of Gary Neptune and Mike Munger on the third back in the 70s. It is a full on snow/ice assault with axes. Gary is actually falling in one of the photos. The picture is hanging in Neptunes

My buddy and I climbed the standard east face back in the mid-eighties when it was covered with about two feet of fresh snow, with ice underneath.
It was an interesting ascent to say the least.

Aresto Momentum???

Tom Hanson wrote: Follow this down and right, being careful not to bonk your head on stalactites. Soon your footsteps will echo off the ceiling of the grand chamber and you have arrived at the final destination.

Well, technically the Third is part of the Fountain Formation, but your point is well made! Stalactites in sedimentary deposited sandstone!?!