When you totally suck, have you made it better?

Looking for rehab and redemption stories.

I failed today on Wind Ridge in Eldo. Classic easy that I’ve dragged numerous beginners up. Couldn’t get on the climb because I couldn't throw to the top of the (soft rated) entry move 5.8 flake. Fell once, twice, tried the 5.7 edge out right, and fell again. Disgusted, discouraged, and panting, I shouted to my partner, (classy and patient John Schroyer who writes for some marijuana industry newsletter) that I was going to hike down to the mob under Calypso and recruit someone to finish and clean the pitch. Thank you, Alex visiting from Connecticut.

A little background before I ask for your input.

I’ve never been a “good” climber, but I’m an experienced and in memory, a strong climber. Been climbing almost 40 years. Big walls when I was a teen; Casual on Longs a few years ago; get off the couch and grunt up 5.9/10. On my 48th birthday, I soloed the first three Flatirons in an afternoon. I think of myself as a should be 5.10/11 climber who is out of shape. I’m 52 today, and a lot has changed.

Became a depressed alcoholic. Sit at a desk too much. Don’t work out enough. Gained 30 pounds. 185 is lean and strong. I weigh 215. Since I’ve surely lost at least 10 pounds of muscle, then I’m carrying 40 pounds of fat. Don’t look obese. Just not slim. I haven’t climbed in two years. I think I’m a climber, I just don’t get out.

But freaking Wind Ridge? A silly little boulder move I’ve done 20 plus times?

Have you ever discovered yourself totally out of your game? Like, what the hell, how can I be this lame?

Did you recover and get back on your game? What was the path like?

I don't have a personal redemption story per se, but I'm sure if you lose the weight and get back in shape you'll be back on your game. All of that prior experience should benefit you greatly. Shit even if you hadn't gained the weight getting off the couch after 2 years off won't be easy. Nothing can prepare you for climbing really other than climbing.

I will say that climbing can be tremendously humbling. One day you're feeling good about yourself after some onsight and the next day you're hangdogging and scared shitless on something well below your limit. If you haven't been there then (1) you're a total bad ass or (2) you haven't been climbing long enough.

Last Sunday i pulled on a rope to get through a frkn Chimney. A 5.8 Chimney! The first time in my (short climbing) life i pulled on a rope to get up!! I was pissed, swearing like a sailor, and disappointed. The week before i had cruised a sandbagged 5.10.c. 2 days after i did an 11 pitch solid 10.c/d. Climbing....it's about the moment, and sometimes, at the moment, it just does not flow.
That said, there are climbers and people who think they are climbers. And sometimes people who are climbers.
If it is that important to you, get off your ass, loose the weight, and be a climber.
(I am 58 y.o.; started climbing when i was 54). Lost 25 pounds (was not fat, but that's what climbing does to you). I work out 3 days a week, not to get stronger, my formative days are distant, but so i can pull through on some of those days. Don't mean to be harsh, but the reality of rock can punish. At our age we can either sit back and watch the 'kids' flow up the 5.12's or we can work at it. Sounds like you have the experience, the skill, just need to kick yourself. Wish i had your skills! And believe me, 52 is WAY easier than 58!! SO go to it!

I got struck suddenly with a balance disorder . I'm working my way back. It's really fucking up my climbing. Especially on lead. Sometime I lose my orientation . It makes everything harder. I'm climbing way below what my strength should allow. It's a battle

Pretty much got shut down on a 5.9 sport climb last weekend... and I was cleaning it on top rope...

It feels good to let that out, have been a bit discouraged all week

Surest way to get back - find a well defined objective you are damn psyched about and work towards it, like hell. For me, that came in 2006. After six no-training, half-ass, frustrating years, I decided I was going to go on my first climbing road trip in 8 years. The lawn can wait, the honey-do list was put on hold and I went about preparing for the trip in a systematic way. Got back in with the regular climbing crowd and made the time and effort to get back some of my lost form.
The road trip was a lot of fun but I was still way below my peak of ten years earlier, in 1996. I did the same road trip again in 2007 and 2008. The 2008 trip was almost magical and I finally felt I was reasonably close to my best, ten years on. But it took almost three years of constant effort, getting psyched, and having fun to regain most of what was lost.
It always takes longer than one would like to get back in shape, physically and mentally. In the interim, make sure to set realistic goals, keep at it and do not get frustrated. Having a clear objective really helps to sharpens one's mind and steels one's determination to train and work toward getting better.
Do not despair and always remind yourself what made you fall in love with climbing in the first place. For me, that meant reaching back to 1990 and being "a kid" again!

I feel you. Three years ago I entered the hospital a 5.12 climber and left 30 lbs lighter unable to walk around the block. I thought I might never climb again. After a few months I was able to get my ass up a 5.6 slab in the splatte but even that left me exhausted.
That was such a huge turning point for me because I realized that just getting out was a victory and that I shouldn't worry about the grade. I soon was able to return to the gym and start training, but my gym sessions only went for a half hour and I was climbing the easiest of begginer routes and getting my ass kicked. I completely lost the ego and embraced the process. My only focus was getting better reletive to my current self. My old strength was gone and probably not returning so I doubled down on technique and precision foot work.
It took a while but improvement came. It was so exciting when I got out side and red pointed a 5.10 in clear creek that was a warm up a year prior. I started seeing prior sends in a whole new light. I had to get back to all of these crags and send routes "post surgery". The crazy thing was that because I had to rely on footwork to get up these things and couldn't just thug it, the routes were totally new and different.
The improvement over the last few years has been slow, but very steady. I expected it to level off after a year, but it's still going and I'm now climbing better than ever.
Embrace the process and just work on you. The rest will take care of it self.

Shawn, I think you should vote for Bernie Sanders.

Shawn, growing old is just a bitch. I had my second rotator cuff surgery almost a year ago and I've been working out steadily -- first at the Y and now at the BRC -- to get back into shape. Since I've never been strong in absolute terms, I have to rely on old age and treachery. Plus supporting Bernie definitely helps. I strongly recommend it.

djh860, I'm curious about your balance disorder. This week I started experiencing vertigo for the first time in my life and I'm wondering what's up. Even the pads on the rock gym floor were enough to make me shaky.

Shawn-
If you're still drinking... Stop. Alcohol not only deepens your depression, it makes you okay with it. You might actually gain weight when you stop because you'll replace drinking with snacks. It may take 6 months or so, but eventually you'll start to care about things again. You'll want to get back in shape. And you will. You'll get into better shape than you were before because it feels so good after being out of shape.

Once drinking becomes a problem the only solution is to stop. It won't be as hard as you think (except the first week of withdrawal).

Good luck.

An old college climbing partner sat at a desk for twenty years at about 270lbs. We thought he was going to die, die, die. He retired and two years later was 170lbs and trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

I've been in and out of climbing a couple of times and can tell you coming back isn't easy, but is doable in most cases absent some debilitating medical condition. I'm 63 and was down your way a couple of months back and rope-soloed the Bastille Crack forty years after my first rope-solo of it. I'd personally suggest that regardless of whatever else you do or don't do, just start walking...

I have had the same issues in Eldo, but more on the nerves scale. I refused to lead two pitches on Ruper that I have led before and blamed "the cold" and also backed off the broken band at the top of I think West Crack on the Bastille because it doesn't protect well. I'm at 200 and used to be 190, which isn't a huge difference. I do get out, but only twice a week. I did get to compare doing Lone Eagle Peak at 38 to how it felt at 49 and I was less scared and really enjoyed it both times, so some continuity there. At least getting out a few times a week keeps you on the plateau I've found.

Not being able to easily repeat routes you once had wired at least illustrates that doing those routes in the first place was not a mean feat. But also, Shawn, you lose the muscle memory of how to do the moves. I went back to Austin after a five year absence and got on a polished limestone sport route I used to do in my sleep and it freaked me out. Oh, man! So polished!!! I couldn't believe what a choss pile it was compared to what I was now used to at Shelf.

Shawn,
First off, thanks for sharing. I'm sure deciding to post wasn't easy. Second off, maybe you didn't achieve the desired result on the wind ridge, but at least you got off the couch and tried. I would be willing to be that if you keep at it you will once again send that funky move at the start. You are an experienced climber that has accomplished a great deal. Perhaps you could establish a goal, and then decide on the steps needed to achieve that goal. Go for a run, hit the gym, but most importantly keep a positive attitude. Any actions you take toward your goal are still steps forward. Give yourself some credit.

Thanks for so many thoughtful comments. Absorbing and might venture some PMs.

You're a climber bro-- and you're lucky enough to still be breathin'. Go climbing-- everything is gonna be OK.

I guess if you climb long enough you will have your ups and downs.
My rack and all my other gear got destroyed in the 'four mile' fire. That was almost worse than being out of shape because it took years to build up!
A year later I developed a grape sized mass in one of the nerves in my foot, and had to have it surgically removed. Couldn't wear tight sporty shoes anymore.
I eventually started getting into the gym again, which felt great. I could feel the strength coming back with every visit. Before we moved out of Colorado a buddy and I did 'Swanson's Arete' in Eldo, a route we had never done because it wasn't a challenging grade to climb when we climbed a lot. It was a lot of fun and I hadn't experienced the exposure in a long time.
Then we moved to the coastal south. Not a rock to climb in under a 4-5 hour drive. No real climbing gym. Fried food. Kayaking in the sound just doesn't keep one in the same shape. My hangboard is the only climbing I have done since January. Back up over 210 lbs.
Time to build a woody when I can afford the lumber and holds.
I never climbed as hard as the few years after I quit drinking. You can just fiend off the climbing instead of the booze. Get to the gym, do some bouldering, and that 5.8 entry move will be a breeze again.
You're in a great place to get in shape, get out hiking and the weight will fall off.

I've never been a great climber, always aspired to 5.12 and would usually end up injured as I got close. v4 seemed like my ceiling for quite a long time. At best I was a solid 5.9 leader in good shape! And now I haven't even been climbing in 9 months. But I still check in on this stupid website every day, just can't resist the snotty comments and awesome photos. Once a climber always a climber I guess. Good luck.

Thanks folks. It's encouraging to hear that I'm not struggling alone.

Flew half way across the country to climb at Joe's valley in Utah, among other things, and blew up my ankle falling on a v2 move five feet off the ground. First day, second problem, two week trip.

Sorry, no advice just wanted to wallow a bit...

Two years ago at 59 I returned to climbing,it is a silly game that for better or worse throughout my life I have embraced. It has little or no effect on the big picture, thousands will not live or die depending on my (or your) decisions. Find a starting point, the type of climbing that suits your strengths and move forward from there. It is another journey, do it happily or maybe move on to something else, there is plenty out there.

yesterday I was soloing this 5.easy route i've done like a million times and I was really struggling mentally on the downclimb. Guess I just wasn't in the right head space.

Just chalk it up to a high gravity day and hope that tomorrow's a low gravity day. It's all in the attitude. Remember, you're climbing, and it's the most fun you'll have with your pants on.

I've really enjoyed reading all this. It's so good to hear about people returning to climbing after years away from it. Having only climbed for a year and a half myself, two weeks off feels like forever. Putting it into perspective, it's really nothing so my own personal experience seems weak compared to all this.

I think if the will is still there, the technique will come back fairly quickly, and the strength and stamina will follow. A recent injury caused me to stop for a few weeks completely and then start climbing again slowly and on mostly easier stuff. I'm not as strong as I was and don't have the same stamina, even after only a short time. But on the bright side, my technique (footwork and body tension) has improved to somewhat compensate. And I'm still enjoying myself, so I can't complain.