What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pad is?

What do you tell non-climbers what your crash pad is?

While riding public transport or simply hiking to the boulders...How do you respond to strangers when they ask you what that large block on your back is? Of course you can't say its for bouldering, cause that simply isn't any fun. I've heard some really good responses like:

-"Alpine Massage Table"
-"Cliff Jumping Wing"
-"Protection from falling rocks"
-"I have a condition that cause me to fall backwards frequently, so it pads my ass, back, and head".

I'd like to hear some more clever responses. What you got?

Portable 'den of iniquity'

ballast

Interestingly, I heard this story while climbing in RRG.. not sure if there is truth.. but i guess when people first started climbing there they would hike in with crashpads.. and the locals all thought they were homosexuals going into the woods to do it on their pads...

eric larson wrote:Interestingly, I heard this story while climbing in RRG.. not sure if there is truth.. but i guess when people first started climbing there they would hike in with crashpads.. and the locals all thought they were homosexuals going into the woods to do it on their pads...

It's a carry case for my ex

(then I start running)

When I was living in Yosemite, me and my buddy were bouldering in Tuolumne on a shitty weather day, when some backpackers stumbled upon us scouting some bouldering in a relatively 'secret' area. We still had our pads on our packs, and they inquired as to the use us the pads. We explained (I thought rather well) their use, and the husband of the couple retorted with "So, your telling me that you climb up cliffs with those pads on your back, and if you fall, you rely on those pads to protect you if you fall on your back?!?". We simply agreed with him, and wandered off. I think from now on, I'll just use the 'ol 'their acrobatic sex pads' response.

A couple of good articles have been written on this point. This one is the only one I could dig up right now but gives you an idea of what is encountered and some good responses:

rockandice.com/inthemag.php…

-gang bang!
-talus sled
....or my all time favorite is that we are part of the Ground Squirrel Dental Outreach Program. The Pads are helpful for sedating the squirrels then we use our "tooth formula" (chalk) and Brush their teeth!

Mountain lion shield
wrestling mat

While hiking into Lumpy Ridge to an undisclosed bouldering area with Craig Luebben Just days before he left for the cascades, we passed a group of adventure hikers who asked this very question,

There were four men with pads on there backs, none of us said a word and Craig replied "we are going into the mountains to have sex!!"

I can still here is soft spoken tone and laugh, from now on thats gonna be my response, LOL

I was bouldering in Castlewood Canyon a while back and we passed a family on the trail with a little girl.
We were being a little rowdy, but I overheard the little girl ask what was on our backs.
The mom looked strangely at as, and told the little girl we were bums going to sleep in the canyon on our mattresses.
We laughed and told her she was right, we were looking for a good cave to stay the night in.

It's a prayer mat for a religious cult that is especially popular among 18 to 25 year olds who wear beenies.

All classic.

"a portable drumset folds out of here. Madrock is the name of my band"

Turtle shell

Mountain couch

special sex pads

This cracked me up (from the article that Andy posted):

"I dealt, of course … first by telling people that my crash pad was actually a sex mat. I would say, “This is a sex mat for woodland erotica.” I’d wink and point my thumb at Jen. Then I would say, “Just kidding.” The confused person would laugh uneasily. Then we would stare at each other in uncomfortable silence. And then they would stop asking me about my crash pad.

Eventually, things became more confrontational. One man said, “There are a thousand of you guys out here today!”

My first thought was, I freakin’ hope not!

Instead, I said, “Yeah, well, there are about two thousand of you guys out here today!”

“Huh?” he said. I had snatched his logic carpet out from under him. The idea that he—not me—was the odd one, reversed his blood flow and destroyed his mind.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I said, not letting up. “You guys. What are you doing out here anyway? I mean, seriously, what are you doing?”

“We-e-ll,” he stammered, “we’re hiking.”

“Like, you just walk around in the woods? And that’s it?” I said, feigning great disbelief.

“Yeah, you know. Hiking,” he said.

“Huh,” I said. “You hear that, Jen? These people come out here and they just walk. Isn’t that wild? Isn’t that just nuts?”

And I probably would’ve won that round, too, if this guy hadn’t been a total ninja. Instead, he pulled out his samurai sword—fa-ching!—and sliced me open with the most perfect comeback of all time.

“Knock knock,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“Knock knock,” he said again.

“Who’s there?” I said, awash in resigned waves of dread.

“Go fuck yourself,” he said.

I looked at him and laughed uneasily. Then he said, “Just kidding.” Then we stood in awkward silence. Then we left. The playing field had been leveled. He went hiking, and I went bouldering, each act completely neutralized by our own smug egos."

The article: rockandice.com/inthemag.php…

it's a MAXI pad for my
mangina.

'cause i don't have the balls
to lead routes.

I read this article in R&I and found it to be the most ridiculous arrogant and unwarranted case of "i'm cooler than you" I have ever seen. The worst part was when the author "came to terms" with their ridiculous elitist behavior, apparantly justifying it. Anyone who can't see that bouldering is weird (as fun as it is) needs a reality check. I believe it was Dave Graham who said something to the effect of.. never think you're that cool, you're still just climbing rocks in the woods with the bugs, and everyone thinks you're crazy.