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By s.price
From PS,CO
May 1, 2012
 Morning Dew ,self portrait
Ben Botelho wrote:
climb on my friend...try to let her know that your sanity is just as important as her's (probably not an easy task to prove that to a bride-to-be), and that you guys are a team, not a principal-agent relationship...

+1

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By Stich
From Colorado Springs, Colorado
May 1, 2012
Coffee after freezing our asses off near James Pea...
TheBirdman wrote:
Says the single climbers who all struggle with relationships because climbing takes priority...


Yeah, right. I agree with Greg, this is a not-so-subtle approach to control. Since when did any of your girlfriends or wives request that you NOT do something you love just to please their sense of anxiety or concern? My ex-wife sure never did. We are still good friends, too.

Ridiculous.

Unless of course you have ditched her repeatedly in the past to go climbing. In that case, uh, well. Good luck with that.

Good thing my woman and I met climbing. See you later, suckas!

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By Mike Wysuph
From Broomfield, CO
May 1, 2012
OK Anthony, I say this tongue firmly implanted in my cheek.

Try this:
1. Reach into your pants and find your balls.
2. Think like the autonomous human being you are.
3. Make the right decision that's based on you and your relationship!

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By Larry S
May 1, 2012
The wife and I road-trippin on the Connie.
It's reasonable if you believe it's reasonable, or have reached agreement with her that it's reasonable. If you feel resentment over not getting to do your hobby (or she feels resentment over you doing it) then you two haven't discussed it enough. Corollary to this is that both your request to go and her request for you to stay are both rational and you can understand each other. Discuss it and you should find some middle solution.

Remember for the future that a little operant conditioning early on goes a long way. People in a relationship are always conditioning each other, but it helps to rationalize it - Reward the behaviors you like and you are more likely to see them in the future. Discuss your conflicting interests and reward the result of the discussion (it doesn't matter if you don't get your desired outcome, you're a step in the right direction). If you cave w/o both gaining understanding you are rewarding her request with the perceived most desired result. (edit to add - and setting yourself up to be whipped) Make sure her acceptance of your desire to go climbing, or at least willingness to discuss and understand, is a positive experience (try not to use any negative reinforcements at all). If you do receive her blessing that you may go, the best reward you could give her would be to decide not to because it will make her happier. That's the jackpot reward for her, and money in the bank for you next time you want her blessing on something.

^ I learned most of that from/with my wife. We talk about stuff like that all the time strangely.

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By Zach Joing
From Boulder, CO
May 1, 2012
Scarface Indian Creek
Ben B. wrote:
The poster above me has the truth of it, though it's an irrelevant truth, depending. But I can tell you, if I could do it over again, I would have done the whole marriage thing differently. Would have been justice-of-the-peace, and she would have known she was marrying a climber, and that wasn't going to change. Does she know she's marrying a climber, and that isn't going to change? You better make damn sure there's no misunderstandings there...

+1

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By Elena Sera Jose
From colorado
May 1, 2012
bacon
My bro uses fly fishing and his volunteering at the fire station to get out of the house, actually works well for both of them his wife does not mind it anyway.

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By AnthonyM
May 3, 2012
Maroon Bells-Bell Cord Couloir
Thanks for all your help... Some more than others....
You guys all gave me some good fuel to talk to her about and go over with her. What made it worse is our Chocolate Lab (Alpine) got a case of pancreatic infection/throw up all over the house/make some of the most aweful sounds I have ever heard come out of animal at the exact moment we started talking deeply about stuff. Poor dumb dog-point is, as much as I hate to draw things out-it worked well to focus on a priority (our dog) and then talk about the important things in our lives and what we want in the future. We have had a couple of these discussions but this one was different.

She's a great woman and I am proud to marry her but we both have our quirks and I may have taken it a bit overboard making her sign something... HAHAHA. Oh well-she laughed... Turns out she has a great sense of humor.

Our lab is doing better and we both learned something through this... it helped us to gain a bit of focus and really think about what's important. Its just too bad she got so sick. It's funny, the dog felt like crap and all she wanted to do was go lay outside in the grass.

The Zen of Dog! How I envy that dopey Labrador Retriever that just learned to open the fridge... Which by the way she thinks is the greatest thing ever. Crap.

I appreciate all the help... it helps to get opinions on stuff like this...

Cheers!

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By AnthonyM
May 3, 2012
Maroon Bells-Bell Cord Couloir
Also outta curiosity-is Elena the new Mitch Zimmerman/Elanor???

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By matt davies
May 3, 2012
Anthony Milano wrote:
Also outta curiosity-is Elena the new Mitch Zimmerman/Elanor???

Mitch was actually Steve McQueen, and Elena/Elanor is a guardian of the Matrix.

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By Jake Carroll
From The Springs
May 3, 2012
The Monastery
Well, I am getting married later this month, but we're in a pretty different place. She is training for the world cup on June 2nd, so we are pretty much climbing as much as we can. I can definitely see how it could be difficult to marry somebody that doesn't share this passion, but is kind of put in a position to merely tolerate it. If I were in your position, I would probably try to explain why climbing is important to me, and if no compromise can be made, then I guess I would be left to jog for 30 days to get in honeymoon shape.
Chauncey belaying on pitch 5 of The Brown Palace.
Chauncey belaying on pitch 5 of The Brown Palace.

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