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hiding gear purchases from a girlfriend
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By Tony B
From Around Boulder, CO
Aug 8, 2012
Got Milk? How about forearm pump? Tony leads "Alan Nelson's Bulging Belly" (5.10, X) on the Lost and Found Flatiron. Belayer is Mark Ruocco. Photo by Bill Wright, 10/06.

OK, serious/honest answer coming here.
Either she is legitimately concerned about gear purchases, or she isn't.
1) If you are having trouble making ends meet and there are unintended consequences due to your purchases that would indicate that you are truly gear-obsessed, then marry her. You need a referee and she knows you are nutty but is willing to try to help. That's saying a lot. So... Are you a Leo?

2) If she is just nagging about your finances, but is actually incorrect, then she has a jealousy problem, a control problem, or is perhaps a miscreant with a lack of proper social boundaries. So talk to her about it to remind her that it's YOUR business and not causing any problems. If she can't get the point, then she's not ready for a serious relationship yet anyway. Maybe she'll learn in time, but is it your job to teach her? People grow up when they are ready.
3) If you've got it all wrong and she's got it right, but you think it is #2 when it is actually #1... don't worry. You'll piss her right off and she'll leave you - which is fine, since you are the one not ready for a serious relationship.

A person has to be ready to own their individual problems.


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By Mike Dudley
From Vegas
Aug 8, 2012
Cracker Jack on lead.

Rob Gordon wrote:
Why do you need a girlfriend? Strippers cost less money and never do anything but act like they love you.


This.


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By Darren Mabe
From Flagstaff, AZ
Aug 8, 2012
wham bam hand jam. Wrapping up the final moves of Twist of Fate, Oak Creek Canyon. <br /> <br />photo: Blake McCord

or maybe she is hiding something from you?


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By Keny Glasscock
From Salt Lake City
Aug 8, 2012

Forgiveness vs permission is the key. But that has a limited shelf life as well.


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By TuRETZ
From Denver, co
Aug 8, 2012
FLIGHT!

Matt N wrote:
When your girlfriend gets jealous of your rack, it may be time to upgrade hers.


Ding Ding Ding! WINNER!

Edit:
Of course you don't pay for this, you gotta save money to buy gear!


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By Zappatista
Aug 8, 2012
Book me, officer.

Classy!

+1000 for just spending the time finding common ground and learning to live and let live. Fortunately my obsessive climbing thing is part of my charm according to the missus. Shelled out for a used double ledge and she didn't blink an eye, just told me to get it out of the living room once I figured out how to put it together.

Hiding shit is a good indicator that you aren't headed towards trust and comfort in your old age. Knowing that your significant other has your back in spite of your myriad failings is the foundation of long term happiness. And vice versa, I'd add.


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By rging
From Salt Lake City, Ut
Aug 8, 2012
CoR

Mike Belu wrote:
...Are there support groups?

No but you will have plenty of time to start one after, well, you will find out.


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By Jerry C.
From Cathedral City, Ca
Sep 14, 2012

Maybe co-op storage units so you and your friends could all hide your gear together. Get a single guy to put the unit in his name.


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By rogerbenton
Sep 15, 2012
Whoever this guy is, he's just plain irresponsible.

killis is right, but you're not just going to start a new day with that ethos, you'll have to work toward it.

in the meantime, don't be afraid to adopt the attitude of "being bummed out about the necessity of having to shell out the cash for gear even though you don't really want to because it's for safety and you're life depends on it."

wife (in a tone slightly sharper than merely conversational)- "what's that?"

me (as if there is nothing un-obvious about anything) - "what's what? oh that? it's that new belay device i had to get."

her (spoken as if to a three year old that she is reprimanding for the 10th time) "I thought you already had two?"

me (bummed out and dejected because life isn't fair) "well, I have my main one and a backup just in case, and the main one was starting to show some premature wear and I just thought that since my life and my partners life depend on all this dumb gear I should go ahead and replace it before it fails on me. I'm actually a little pissed because I had to go spend $30 on this thing. You know baby, I just really wish these gear companies would make stuff that lasts a little longer. But, you know, safety first."




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By Robin like the bird
From mountain center ,CA
Sep 15, 2012
oh

You could also turn your bed into bunk beds for more room for activities.


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By Avi Katz
Sep 15, 2012

sell her-think of how much gear you could buy with all that money.

climbing>girlfriend. ESPECIALLY the nagging kind that doesn't understand why gear is important to climbers.


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By Chris Owen
Administrator
From La Crescenta and Big Bear Lake
Sep 15, 2012
There's more than one use for an Ice Hammer. Lake District (UK) late '70s

The secret is to have climbing bring money IN. Make it a self-sustaining hobby.


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By Scott McMahon
From Boulder, CO
Sep 15, 2012
Bocan

Don't let a girl friend stand in the way of your happiness.


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By Brian Hudson
From Lenoir, NC
Jan 27, 2013
Valor Over Discretion (5.8), RRG

Scott McMahon wrote:
Don't let a girl friend stand in the way of your happiness.

This.

By the way, any progress? Or is she still coming down on you for buying gear?


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By Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Jan 27, 2013
yaak crack Red Rock Canyon, NV

Steve M wrote:
Your new standard answer: Oh that old thing? I can't even remember how long ago I bought that. Then start rummaging through your gear bin telling stories about when you fell on what piece of pro, she'll wander off in no time. Oh, and have it shipped to your work.


Genius.


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By Mike Belu
From Indianapolis, IN
Jan 27, 2013
Summit of Rainier.

Brian Hudson wrote:
This. By the way, any progress? Or is she still coming down on you for buying gear?


She's actually been awesome. We live together and are basically married. I was buying a lot over a few months to fill out my trad rack, and also alpine stuff for a trip to Bolivia this year. I explained it was needed for safety and there were good sales, so she gets it.

I got the stuff I needed, so now my buying frenzy should be over. Unless I see a really good sale....


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By Mr. Holmes
From Cascade West
Jan 27, 2013
#2

Find balance and harmony in your relationship by creating the opportunity for her to purchase or experience something in line with what we get out of climbing.
Might not have to be a ring- girls weekend on you? a new blender/ipod/whatever your chick digs...

That way you've got the ammo("remember that one time") when you really need it (see: new rope, set, trip to Thailand) but really, you're both getting your materialistic/recreational needs met!


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By GhaMby
From Heaven
Jan 29, 2013

If you can't hide gear purchases how do you ever expect to hide an affair?


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By Stich
From Colorado Springs, Colorado
Jan 29, 2013
Coffee after freezing our asses off near James Peak.

Better hide your browser history when viewing the female climber pictures thread, too, brah.


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By frankstoneline
Jan 29, 2013

Smarty Ports/Shants wrote:
Classy! +1000 for just spending the time finding common ground and learning to live and let live. Fortunately my obsessive climbing thing is part of my charm according to the missus. Shelled out for a used double ledge and she didn't blink an eye, just told me to get it out of the living room once I figured out how to put it together. Hiding shit is a good indicator that you aren't headed towards trust and comfort in your old age. Knowing that your significant other has your back in spite of your myriad failings is the foundation of long term happiness. And vice versa, I'd add.


this is the only advice that needs to be given in this thread.
also: to the guy above with the belay devices, stop buying them. they havent changed appreciably in 20 years or something, you shouldnt be having to justify a new belay device.

If it's becoming this much of a relationship issue, redirect your gear obsession and occasionally come home with stuff to make a nice dinner and a fancy bottle of wine or something, she will appreciate it (you should too) and it won't seem like "me me me" so much. Plus I would wager dollars to donuts you could all use a little more wine.


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