Help figuring out the new "10 essentials"

All I've got so far are-

A bee net
The phone number to Rock and Resole
Rescue Services on speed dial
Black Edition Go Pro

I looked at the latest Freedom of the Hills- no help, just the same old outdated map/compass, etc.

Help me out, it's dangerous out there and I need to be ready.

How about one of those 70's cycling leather helmet things, it might protect against tree attack.

Bail biner and an unopened can of woop-ass (for those emergency situations).

6. blue butt plug

6. Tampons for all the people crying for their gear back.
7. Tampons for all the people crying about people crying for their gear back.

beanie

untrained obnoxious dog

PAS, especially for sport routes

I always bring a dog, and a boombox, I figure the dog can get help like Lassie if I am injured, and the boombox can guide SAR to my location.

Don't forget your SPOT GPS device, and an extra set of batteries for the walkie talkies. Cragging is dangerous!

What about a beer net, and a strong haul line?

awesome belayer (shit-hot, too)

a taser for the belay police

good approach shoes

Aww, at first I thought you were talking about me, Locker!

Why stop at 10?

6.) bolt gun (just in case)
7.) PAS
8.) knee pads, shin guards, mouth guard, and rubber crack gloves
9.) parachute
10.) bear mace
11.) extra rope
12.) canteen of pee
13.) grappling hook
14.) ER Doc as a partner!

iPhone with MP download

nicelegs wrote:How about one of those 70's cycling leather helmet things, it might protect against tree attack.

16) Da Brim

If it isn't on Bear Grylls list, I'm not taking it...that's my rule.

V-thread tool on your harness for top roping in the Ice Park.

My receipt from R&R has the number on it...haha in case anybody needs it

I just bring Bear Grylls. He folds up pretty small.

a marmot condom

Locker - WTF did you find that video? I almost just Ralphed my lucky charms!