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By Jonathan Dull
From NC High County
Sep 4, 2013
Edge of a Dream

I with you now. I learn so much shit on MP. I just added stfu nOOb to my todo list. Hopefully I'll be strong enough to send! There is a joke for you; I'll never send that puppy!


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By Boots Ylectric
From Roselle IL
Sep 4, 2013
Tebow Climbs.  Bet you didn't know that.

bruce Mcintosh wrote:
what is chris sharma's favorite car? Passsatt


Actual LOL at this one.


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By Locker
From Yucca Valley, CA
Sep 4, 2013
...

"I just added stfu nOOb to my todo list"

When at JTree, it's a MUST do!

After you do that one, head over to "Nicole Kidman".

www.mountainproject.com/v/nicole-kidman/106786140




LMAO!

Simply HAS TO BE the lamest route...EVER!

But it was so fucking much FUN!


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By Ryan Kempf
From Boulder, CO
Nov 13, 2013
Ryan on the Sharks Fin wishing he was on Mt. Whiteny.

What do a haul bag and a vacuum cleaner have in common?

They're both connected to a dirtbag!


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By Ryan Kempf
From Boulder, CO
Nov 13, 2013
Ryan on the Sharks Fin wishing he was on Mt. Whiteny.

Rock climbing is like getting a BJ from an ugly chick - never look down.


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By David Peterson
Nov 13, 2013
Amarillo Sunset

Ryan Kempf wrote:
Rock climbing is like getting a BJ from an ugly chick - never look down.


Great, now I have coffee on my keyboard.


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By Mackay Crabbe
From Moab, Ut
Nov 15, 2013
Top

An old one... Whats the difference between a Climber and a Mutual Fund... A Mutual Fund eventually matures and makes money


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By michaelp
Nov 15, 2013

Mackay Crabbe wrote:
An old one... Whats the difference between a Climber and a Mutual Fund... A Mutual Fund eventually matures and makes money

That's supposed to be a bond. Or a CD. Mutual funds don't mature. :)


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By The Flying Dutchman
Nov 15, 2013

Greg Berry wrote:
What's the hardest part about hating sport climbing? Telling your friends you're gay.



I think there was a typo here, the hating was supposed to be omitted


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By The Flying Dutchman
Nov 15, 2013

nicelegs wrote:
I have a pretty funny joke. There was this trad guy who hated sport. He travelled to Kentucky and quickly sent WTOK, and managed to hang on every sport route there harder than mid 11. A week before that trip, the same trad climber failed to send Moonlight Buttress because of the pumpy sections, not the crack. Fast forward a few years, the trad climber was living somewhere with sport and was active in developing hard new routes there. Once he left that place he quickly put away all of his old unfinished trad projects. He also found himself with the movement skills to succeed on traditional climbs and R rated routes with far more confidence than he'd ever had before. The punchline isn't sport vs trad. It's pushing yourself vs not.




Sport is a purely physical effort, pushing your body to its physical level. Sport allows you to safely climb at and above your limit

Trad is more of a mental undertaking. Climbing huge run outs near your limit solely on tcus is an experience you will never enjoy on a sport route. Trad also allows you to climb in areas which are not bolted


For the sake of the argument. Sport climbers are whiney little number chasing vegans who train in the gym and complain non stop about their lack of skin and pulled finger pullies, while trad climbers are seeking out the long gnarly routes which provide the best overall experience. They eat canned food cold and lug up a six pack of beer while climbing a multi pitch. As far as boulderers go, IDK WTF the point of this is all about, but, maybe that's because I don't listen to techno music nor sleep with me precious La Sportive Solutions tucked safely under my pillow at night


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By The Flying Dutchman
Nov 15, 2013

Locker wrote:
I see a BINGO above! Now let's you and I head out sometime SOON and ridicule some "TRAD" climbers getting spanked on BOLTED routes. LOL!



Any trad climber can climb at his trad lead level on any bolted rout. Take a sport climber, put him at his limit on a trad climb, and you are guaranteed to see him freeze up and shit his pants.


Grade for grade, trad packs a bigger punch.


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By Jonathan Dull
From NC High County
Nov 15, 2013
Edge of a Dream

bouldering....


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By Tom Lausch
From Madison WI
Nov 15, 2013
Chips and Salsa

Jonathan Dull wrote:
bouldering....


This ^


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By KeithS
Nov 15, 2013

Whats the difference between a Swiss mountain guide and god?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.God doesn't think he's a Swiss mountain guide...


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 15, 2013
Picacho

What is the difference between a sport climber and a skunk?
You have to provoke the skunk to spray.


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 15, 2013
Picacho

What is the difference between an ugly chick and an old climber?
Ugly chick don't need a ride.


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 15, 2013
Picacho

What is a difference between Miley and a chick climber?
Chick climber don't even have to look good.


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 15, 2013
Picacho

How can you tell an old climbing chick and an old climbing dude apart?
The chick is the rope gun.


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By Jake Jones
From Richmond, VA
Nov 16, 2013
Me and the offspring walking back to the car after a day of cragging.

Try putting all of them in one post next time. Separating them doesn't make them any funnier, or any less obvious that you get your climbing humor from Google.


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 16, 2013
Picacho

Nope. All of them are my own improv.


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By Andrew Schmalzer
Nov 16, 2013

What happens when Adam Ondra pinches limestome?
...
He gets lime juice!


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By iceman777
From Colorado Springs
Nov 16, 2013
0

This post violated Rule #1. It has been removed by Mountain Project.


By Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Nov 16, 2013
yaak crack Red Rock Canyon, NV

What happens when Adam Ondra pinches limestone?
...
Everyone around him goes deaf.

FTFY


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By saguaro sandy
Nov 16, 2013
Picacho

How do you know it's ice climbing season in Canada?
All the local fast food places are out of jellies.


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By mitchy
From nunya gotdamn business.
Nov 16, 2013

What does Vivica Jones and a bad rash have in common? They're BOTH annoying as hell.


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