By Skat B
From Down Rodeo
Feb 8, 2013
| In a canyon there is an overhanging pristine slab that is hidden from view of all climbers, hikers, and it's not even visible on Google Earth. It is not near any trails nor any climbing areas. Trees also obstruct its view from everything and everyone.
Like I said earlier this slab is very overhung and has no holds on it. It will never be climbed. It's impossible.
This would be a perfect face for a finger crack.
Materials Needed:
- Concrete saw with a generater
- Pre-euthanized dogs from an animal shelter to haul up the saw and the generator
- An axe to cut down the trees that are touching the slab
- ? Gallons of gasoline to fuel the generator
- 24-V Rotary hammer drill (for the anchors)
(1) What am I missing? The crack would be 50 feet long and several inches deep. How much gasoline and saw blades would I need? The rock is granite.
(2) Is this ethical? Keep in mind no one can see it, not even the satellites employed by Google Earth can see it. | 
FLAG |
By Glenn Schuler
From Monument, Co.
Feb 8, 2013
| Skat B wrote: (1) What am I missing?
A brain cell? Just build a crack machine in your yard. |
FLAG |
By michael rowell
Feb 8, 2013
| michaeltarne wrote: I'm confused on the whole overhung slab thing.
you haven't heard of overhung slab?? it's all the hype these days........ |
FLAG |
By frankstoneline
Feb 8, 2013
| michael rowell wrote: you haven't heard of overhung slab?? it's all the hype these days........
No lie, one time a dude at the gym told me that anything less than 10* overhung was "basically considered a slab now" |
FLAG |
By Marc H
From Lafayette, CO
Feb 8, 2013
| If it's not visible on Google Earth, it doesn't actually exist. I say do what you will with the rock.
Just don't fuck with any "pre-euthanized dogs" or I will hunt you down and inhumanely euthanize you. |
FLAG |
By Devin Fin
From DURANGO
Feb 8, 2013
| skat! will it be bolted! roof crack slab cut with a saw that cant be seen from outer space... what? |
FLAG |
By Stich
From Colorado Springs, Colorado
Feb 8, 2013
| Pffft. Just use dynamite like they did on Sphinx Crack in the Splatte. |
FLAG |
By Skat B
From Down Rodeo
Feb 8, 2013
| It's an overhung cliff that is pretty smooth with no face holds or anything. You wouldn't even be able to aid this thing. And, yeah, this would be a trad climb. Definitely not a sport route!! The catch is that it is located on BLM land.... |
FLAG |
By Boissal
From Small Lake, UT
Feb 8, 2013
|
I don't think this word means what you think it means.
That being said, anyone willing to take a saw to some choss should be encouraged to wear a GoPro and start a blog. |
FLAG |
By J. Albers
From Colorado
Feb 8, 2013
| Boissal wrote: I don't think this word means what you think it means. That being said, anyone willing to take a saw to some choss should be encouraged to wear a GoPro and start a blog.
Zing.
I have to admit, the responses have been pretty tame so far. Perhaps because this is such an obvious troll (or maybe its not, in which case "wow"). Either way, c'mon interweb trollers, its Friday and this is red meat....dig in and give the rest of us something to laugh about. |
FLAG |
By David Sahalie
From on the road again
Feb 8, 2013
| Boissal wrote: I don't think this word means what you think it means. That being said, anyone willing to take a saw to some choss should be encouraged to wear a GoPro and start a blog.
He is refering to using walking dead style zombie dogs to hual gear to chip a trad route.
Makes perfect sense to me, and yes, if you don't wear GoPro and drink Monster, and show your sponsor stickers, it never happened. |
FLAG |
By Chris Miller
Feb 8, 2013
| Boissal wrote: I don't think this word means what you think it means.
"Inconceivable!" |
FLAG |
By kennoyce
From Clearfield, UT
Feb 8, 2013
| Skat B wrote: In a canyon there is an overhanging pristine slab that is hidden from view of all climbers, hikers, and it's not even visible on Google Earth. It is not near any trails nor any climbing areas. Trees also obstruct its view from everything and everyone. Like I said earlier this slab is very overhung and has no holds on it. It will never be climbed. It's impossible. This would be a perfect face for a finger crack. Materials Needed: - Concrete saw with a generater - Pre-euthanized dogs from an animal shelter to haul up the saw and the generator - An axe to cut down the trees that are touching the slab - ? Gallons of gasoline to fuel the generator - 24-V Rotary hammer drill (for the anchors) (1) What am I missing? The crack would be 50 feet long and several inches deep. How much gasoline and saw blades would I need? The rock is granite. (2) Is this ethical? Keep in mind no one can see it, not even the satellites employed by Google Earth can see it.
dude, that sounds sick!!! Let me know if you need any help hauling the saw or generator in.
P.S. I can bring the bosch, mine's 52 volts so it'll drill faster for when we put up the pocket routes.
P.P.S. you need to add some 5 gallon buckets of sika to your list for the glufa routes. |
FLAG |
By Chris Miller
Feb 8, 2013
| If we feed this weak troll now, perhaps he will grow stronger and bolder. Then he will entertain us for many threads to come. |
FLAG |
By Jake Jones
From The Eastern Flatlands
Feb 8, 2013
| I suck at thin tips cracks. Can you make two jagged runs up that fucker with the 'ole concrete saw then use a giant rail bar to pry/chisel the middle chunk out? #2 Camalot/#3 Helium is a great size for me. How about a crack at the FA too? Gas fumes give me migraines so no help hauling that up. However, you shouldn't need my help with hauling shit, you have the pre-killed dead dogs for that. |
FLAG |
By Chris Miller
Feb 8, 2013
| Jake Jones wrote: I suck at thin tips cracks. Can you make two jagged runs up that fucker with the 'ole concrete saw then use a giant rail bar to pry/chisel the middle chunk out? #2 Camalot/#3 Helium is a great size for me. How about a crack at the FA too? Gas fumes give me migraines so no help hauling that up. However, you shouldn't need my help with hauling shit, you have the pre-killed dead dogs for that.
That's the spirit!!! |
FLAG |
By Josh B
From Colorado Springs
Feb 8, 2013
| +1 for the GoPro video.
I am not going to debate the ethics but I think concrete saws are pretty heavy and hard to use, especially while hanging from a rope. |
FLAG |
By Crossing
From Breinigsville, PA
Feb 8, 2013
| You should cut horizontal cracks rather than vertical giving your area a more Gunks like feel, this way you get instant bragging rights about how sandbagged your route is and therefore how hard you crush. |
FLAG |
By Skat B
From Down Rodeo
Feb 8, 2013
| Forget the dogs, I'll haul it up there myself. No, I'm not a troll. Yes, this is a legitimate question!! I look down on manufactured routes usually but given the location and the face it would look A LOT better with a steep finger crack!! Yes, I have heard both sides argue over cutting a crack in a quarry (5.11- I think?)
Why a finger crack? Finger cracks are badass. I'd make it deep enough to place gear and full-on finger locks. It would resemble Cobra Crack and would be out of my league but just having it there would be pretty cool!
Horizontal cracks would be sick but would the route even be climbable ?? Oh, and due to limited funds it won't be a freakin' hand crack and I'm not cutting a nice line just to take a crowbar to it...
Btw..WTF is a crack machine?? I need schematics!!
Thanks! |
FLAG |
By matt davies
Feb 8, 2013
| Skat B wrote: In a canyon there is an overhanging pristine slab that is hidden from view of all climbers, hikers, and it's not even visible on Google Earth. It is not near any trails nor any climbing areas. Trees also obstruct its view from everything and everyone. Like I said earlier this slab is very overhung and has no holds on it. It will never be climbed. It's impossible. This would be a perfect face for a finger crack. Materials Needed: - Concrete saw with a generater - Pre-euthanized dogs from an animal shelter to haul up the saw and the generator - An axe to cut down the trees that are touching the slab - ? Gallons of gasoline to fuel the generator - 24-V Rotary hammer drill (for the anchors) (1) What am I missing? The crack would be 50 feet long and several inches deep. How much gasoline and saw blades would I need? The rock is granite. (2) Is this ethical? Keep in mind no one can see it, not even the satellites employed by Google Earth can see it.
I've had a little bit of experience in this arena. First off, forget dogs. Dogs, even pre-euthanized, are an ethical powder keg. Get yourself some half-starved horses, they come cheaper and when you are done with them you can butcher them for lasagna.
Second, your saw is going to get hotter than Archie Bunker at an Obama rally once you get going. Get together a bunch of war orphans, some malnourished, some with cleft-palates, to cry as profusely as they can muster.A fiend of mine says onions will work to get the little tykes going, but I had the best results showing hard-core bouldering films on a loop. You'll need about a gallon. Use their tears to keep your saw cool.
Other than that, sounds like you've got a well thought out and exciting proj!
Cheerio! |
FLAG |
By Chris Miller
Feb 8, 2013
| Skat B wrote: Btw..WTF is a crack machine?? I need schematics!! Thanks!
This might help your cause.
|
FLAG |
By Boissal
From Small Lake, UT
Feb 8, 2013
| Skat B wrote: It would resemble Cobra Crack
BWWAAAAAAHHH!!
It most certainly would not. It would look like a manufactured rail up a blank overhang, complete with chalk and hordes or shirtless bros flailing on TR. At best, it will resemble the gash you'll put through your skull within 5 minutes of attempting to rap down with a giant saw... |
FLAG |
By Rick Mix
Feb 8, 2013
| Well, shortly after I sawed Manufractured in an "unclimbable" face we managed to climb the wall just beside the crack. Guess it wasn't impossible after all.
Otherwise be prepared for bizarre rappel manipulations and a lot of hard work. |
FLAG |
|
RSS Feed
