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Dumb things other climbers have said
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By AnthonyM
Aug 28, 2012
Maroon Bells-Bell Cord Couloir
A lead climber yells "Carabiner"... the belayer has no idea what is going on and looks around frantically and seconds later a carabiner bounced of the rock (in front of the belayer) and hits him in the face. I have never seen someone get a black eye so quickly.

Other climber: "It's hard without tape marking the holds... could we put tape on it"
My buddy: "Jesus Christ"-Sadly they were not kidding.

"Ok take me off belay" to the belayer who was tied (using her gear loop) to a Suburu.... a few minutes later "Dammit lady put me back on belay..."

Some guy trying to impress his friends said to us "what do you think this is, a 5.8 or 5.9"...
Me: staring at him "Nope, 5.6... according the route description and the sign over there."

Some dude: "Hey bra does this Knot Look Right?"
Me: "Crap"

My Favorite-
Some Guy: "Yo man-DON'T TAKE!"
His belayer: "Take???"
All I could do was shake my head...

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By skeeter
From Lakewood CA
Aug 28, 2012
This vid was done as a joke, but I think it fits in this thread. Enjoy.

youtu.be/cIUlFbZEdNo

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By Travis Dustin
From Hollis, NH
Aug 28, 2012
Lost in the Sun pitch 2
A guy next to us being lowered
"lower me slow it's kind of rocky"

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By Marc H
From Lafayette, CO
Aug 28, 2012
The Cathedral Spires in RMNP, left to right: Stile...
Scott Gardiner wrote:
This vid was done as a joke, but I think it fits in this thread. Enjoy. youtu.be/cIUlFbZEdNo


Well made and definitely worth a watch.

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By IronMan
Aug 28, 2012
So, being a newbie, how do you pronounce arete?

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By Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Aug 28, 2012
yaak crack Red Rock Canyon, NV
Wilson Marinez wrote:
So, being a newbie, how do you pronounce arete?


uh-rett

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By ROC
From Englewood, CO
Aug 28, 2012
Overheard at the gym a while back:

"I climb outside to train for climbing inside."

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By Old and Busted
From Centennial, CO
Aug 28, 2012
Stabby
Don't listen to Jon, Wilson; he's messin with you. You pronounce it Ah-rhet-TAY. You have to really add inflection to the TAY at the end to say it right. The more inflection you can add the more experienced you will sound.

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By Michael Slater
From Denver
Aug 28, 2012
I was watching a "friend" who was belaying an actual friend on lead using an ATC. The leader reached for slack to clip, the belayer took his belay hand off the break side, fed the lead with both hands and then reset his grip.

In disbelief I said, "Did you just feed slack with both hands?" His response was, "Yeah, I wanted to make sure I could feed it quick enough. It is an easy route and I knew he'd be ok"

The lead climber was just months away from his first child being born and I mentioned what went down. His eyes got wide and he about shit his pants.

I NEVER let that dude belay me again in any situation

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By Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Aug 28, 2012
yaak crack Red Rock Canyon, NV
El Tigre wrote:
Don't listen to Jon, Wilson; he's messin with you. You pronounce it Ah-rhet-TAY. You have to really add inflection to the TAY at the end to say it right. The more inflection you can add the more experienced you will sound.


How virtuous of you.

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By s.price
From PS,CO
Aug 28, 2012
 Morning Dew ,self portrait
Great onsight but you did it wrong. Said to me by some gumby as I lowered off of The Beast in Rifle.

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By NorCalNomad
From San Francisco
Aug 28, 2012
Not too funny but yesterday in the gym I had to tell a guy that his harness was on upside down who, had a permanent belay card, and had 3 of his friends around him with the same harness on properly.

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By Jerry C.
From Cathedral City, Ca
Aug 29, 2012
While climbing in JT a guy next to us walks his girlfriend through belaying 101 then sets off up the rock. He sets a top rope and tells her to lower him. She answers back "how?" he snapped back "just pull the the little black thingy, DEAR! " referring to the gri gri. I've never seen anyone run down a face backwards so fast. After he gets the air back in his lungs from decking she throws the gri gri at him and says "here's your thingy, DEAR!, take me home"

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By camhead
From Vandalia, Appalachia
Aug 29, 2012
You stay away from mah pig!
ROC wrote:
Overheard at the gym a while back: "I climb outside to train for climbing inside."


What's wrong with that? I climb so that I can get my hangboard max higher.

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By Jake Jones
From Richmond, VA
Aug 29, 2012
Me and the offspring walking back to the car after...
mountainproject.com/u/bigjuggs...

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By ROC
From Englewood, CO
Aug 29, 2012
camhead wrote:
What's wrong with that? I climb so that I can get my hangboard max higher.


Camhead, you have a good point here. I think there is also a direct correlation between your hangboard max and the number of chicks you can take home from the gym.

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By Jake Jones
From Richmond, VA
Aug 29, 2012
Me and the offspring walking back to the car after...
ROC wrote:
I think there is also a direct correlation between your hangboard max and the number of chicks you can take home from the gym.


This might explain why

Poor Kim
Poor Kim

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By Kiri Namtvedt
Aug 29, 2012
Saw a guy climbing at the gym with the rope clipped to the BACK of his harness (must have been to the haul loop). Before he started climbing I said something to him about "You tie in here, in front."

He said, "No, Pat told me to do it this way." (Pat is the main instructor at this gym). I thought to myself, "No way in hell did Pat tell you that!" I was actually belaying my friend while this was happening, so I didn't do anything else to stop the process, but I watched with fear while the guy climbed, got to the top, and got lowered. Because of the rope being tied to the back of his harness he hung in flying position while being lowered, and laughed with his friends about how weird that was.

As soon as I was done belaying I went to find Pat and told him what had happened. He said, "I did not tell him to do it that way," and went to have a talk!

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By Kiri Namtvedt
Aug 29, 2012
Saw someone else tie into a rope and start climbing, without a belayer. When she was about fifteen feet up she noticed that the slack had not been taken up, and she reached over to the other strand of rope to take up her own slack.

As I was about to yell something to her, a gym employee came on the scene and told her to climb back down.

Apparently the difference between "autobelay" and "top rope" is hard to grasp?

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By Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Aug 29, 2012
yaak crack Red Rock Canyon, NV
Kiri Namtvedt wrote:
Saw someone else tie into a rope and start climbing, without a belayer. When she was about fifteen feet up she noticed that the slack had not been taken up, and she reached over to the other strand of rope to take up her own slack. As I was about to yell something to her, a gym employee came on the scene and told her to climb back down. Apparently the difference between "autobelay" and "top rope" is hard to grasp?


Two of many reasons I don't climb indoors.

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By Unassigned User
Aug 29, 2012
At my gym we have auto belays on about every other section of the wall, so there are some climbs that you can not do on auto-belay. This however does not deter the adventurous. One night I saw this guy halfway up a climb and the auto belay a panel and a half over, on the other side of a corner. I yelled at him that he was going to take a big swing if he blew it, he responded not to worry he would not blow it. Then he fell, it looked awful, he bounced off the holds, swung back and hit a concrete pillar that is usually plenty far enough away. Then he got down and laughing handed his buddy the clip and told him to try the route. I went to the other side of the wall.

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By mark felber
From Wheat Ridge, CO
Aug 29, 2012
Quite a few years ago I made the mistake of volunteering at the local rec center climbing wall, which is a converted racquetball court. I was helping a rec center employee with a group of kids one night. At one point I realized that this employee had set a toprope on a very overhanging section of wall, and anyone who fell on that toprope would take a long swing into the far wall. When I explained this to her she gave me a look of utter contempt and said "Don't worry, he won't fall" in a scornful tone. Just then the kid climbing came off and swung, just as I expected. He slammed into a light fixture on the far wall, but was uninjured.

The lady who pulled this stunt kept working at the rec center, but she stayed away from kid's climbing programs after that.

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By Scott McMahon
From Boulder, CO
Aug 29, 2012
Bocan
BSU_Zac wrote:
I know I posted earlier but another dumb line came back to me while out this weekend. My partner and i was about to rope up on a sport route at the red with a large roof and a guy who i recognized from my old gym came over to offer "beta" on the route cuz he once watched a guy do it. He concluded it with... "If you get below that roof and feel intimidated I sometimes will clip TWO draws to the hanger and then clip them both. You know, cause sometimes that added bit of safety will give you the motivation to crank"


Well that is actually in Craig Luebben's book.

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By Sam Stephens
Aug 29, 2012
Top half of Melifluous
The one I've heard a lot lately that bugs me is this:

Climber gets to top of a single pitch route to clean it.

"Ok, I'm in direct, off belay!"

Does his thing.

"Ok, ready to lower, take!"

Why in gods name would you tell your belayer to take you off when you're planning to lower in <5 min? It's an accident waiting to happen.

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By Monty
From Golden, CO
Aug 29, 2012
Just a teaser
Cute Belayer Chick: "Your on Belay."

Dude TR-ing at gym with full set of shiney quick draws on, trying to impress cute belayer chick: "I'm what?"

Cute Belayer Chick: "Your on Belay?"

Dude TR-ing at gym with full set of shiney quick draws on trying to impress cute belayer chick: "What are you talking about?"

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