Best/Favorite/cheapest dirtbag meal?

I'm starting a list of the best/cheapest dirtbag meal options. I figure this will come in handy for lots and lots of people on this site.

Guidelines: No ramen, it doesn't even count as food. Cheaper is better. Assume it must be cooked with a whisperlite, leatherman, and a small aluminum pot. Highest points are awarded for nutrition, calories, ease of preparation, cheapest total cost, and ability to fill up a couple hungry climbers after a long day of climbing.

My submission: Spaghetti with beans and meat. Cook pot of spaghetti, dump in pasta sauce, open can of black beans, dump in, dice up package of hotdogs, add to mixture. Eat.

Total cost is about $4.50, can probably feed 2-3 guys, and full of protein, carbs, and fats. Total cook time is probably 15 minutes.

Best, Cheapest Climbing Grub

With some Jimmy Dean hot sausage or Maple Syrup Sausage Links. costs about $1.25 at walmart... If Price or myself haven't already bought them out... getting hard to find these days, walmart might not carry them anymore... live on this stuff.

My favorite is the ole campfire stew: Pound of ground beef and can or two of vegetable soup. Brown the meat, drain grease, mix in soup, salt and pepper to taste. The end.

Peanut Butter.

"BEEN AROUND THE BUSH 50 CENT DIRTBAG MEAL FOR A PARTY OF THREE"

1.Coerce the drunkest dirtbag to catch a rattlesnake, or three. (it'll make a great you-tube video- if you haven't already pawned your iPhone 4 your folks got you for your 38th birthday. : )
-Please make sure your rattlesnake is dead before moving forward with the skinning.
-Be careful when handling the snake's head, as it could still contain poisonous venom.
-Get rid of the rattlesnake's head immediately in a tightly covered container, away from the drunken, and high dirtbag climbers you like. FYI: Believe it or not, the decapitated head can still bite for a few hours. Be sure to wear gloves when cutting and disposing of the rattlesnake's head. (borrow your partner's belay gloves when he, or she is passed out).

2.Turn the rattlesnake belly up. Starting at the head, make an incision with your leatherman, (or whatever climbing knife booty you've found) cut down its stomach to it's tail, where the white and black colorings meet. Your cuts will tend to be more precise, and efficient if you have had really bad relationships with women, and/or you've just had a bad climbing day.

3.Cut through the tail meat and peel away the meat from its skin. Gut your rattlesnake meat and wash it off with cold water- a creek, or an outside, single toilet gas station bathroom sink will work just fine- (Preferably with a working lock on RR door). Make sure there are no peep, or glory holes, or hidden web-cams as you don't want to frighten the people.

4.Cut the rattlesnake meat into 4"-6" strips with a sharp knife.

FYI: The meat nearer the head and tail is always good-less stringy, and not as tough. Three to four foot rattlesnakes are usuable throughout. Be sure to keep enough of the larger rib bones as they make marvelous after supper toothpicks.
If you're really into leave no trace then you can dispose the carcass in a wagbag if you're in the bush.

OKAY, OKAY...Recipe!

*Rattlesnake cut into 4" - 6" strips (free)
*1 tsp butter- Paula Deen would add much more -borrow from the uninhabited timeshare cabin you scoped out down the road, or better yet, just snatch some butter pats from a 2-3 star hotel lobby that serves free continental breakfasts; they usually serve from 6am-9am, and shut down quick- they never ask to see your room card key, or if you're staying there-unless you really look like a dirtbag-just wear your expensive PrAna duds, and brush your hair before entering.
1 star, or a bomb =foreign owned-they notice everything...just sayin' (they loved me in Paris)
> 3 stars they'll be all over your ass, and alert security before you even enter the fancy automatic doors-...
*Fresh mushrooms, sliced -if you're really smart, and resourceful you can harvest your own (free!)but be sure to hide them under a rock, as your partners might mistake them for Magic Shrooms, and think they scored.
*1 large onion, chopped- (50 cents if you actually bought one-dumpster diving onions can be nasty)
*6 oz of cheap white wine - one of the dirtbags should have some in the back of their Subaru. (free)
*4 oz oyster sauce- during your roadtrip, sneak into the kitchen of a seedy chinese restaurant when the disgruntled, illegal employees are out back smoking in the alley, and pour some OS into your BPA Free Nalgene like real quick. If you're caught, then act like a psychotic, homeless person, and run. If you're a dirtbag, climbing bum there's no excuse- you should have great cardio, and be able to out-run them, and dodge bullets, and machetes before the cops get there. (free)

Using your Whisperlite- In a saute pan, melt the butter. Add the sliced mushrooms and onions. Saute until tender.

Add the snake strips. When the meat is 3/4th cooked add the wine. (flame out wine)

After wine liquid is cooked in, add the oyster sauce.

Cook until sauce begins to simmer.

Serve with greens, or whatever else you can scrounge up, or found in the dumpster in the back of your favorite grocery store. (free)

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home with your folks who support you- it may get you involuntarily committed.

EDIT: For the less adventurous dirtbags who don't like long approaches:

"WWED SANDWICH"

• one loaf of bread (one dollar at Dollar Tree)
• a bunch of bananas (one dollar at Dollar Tree)
• jar of peanut butter w/hydrogenated oils, and high fructose corn syrup (one dollar at Dollar Tree)

Optional- bacon, and honey but adds to time, calories, and cost.
That adds up tooooooo, let's see,...like 3 dollas!

If you need me to tell you the directions, then you shouldn't be placing gear, or bolting routes, EVER!

Franzia - Juice in a box.

This thread has great potential....

My brother and I call it hobo dinner:

Ingredients:
- 1 box of mac and cheese
- 1 can of diced tomatoes (better if they are spiced)
- 1 can of black beans
- 1 large can of chicken

equals one big bin of easy to make, cheap, edible grub.

Kevin got it right. Franzia all the way!!!!! I'm having a glass right now!

• one loaf of bread (one dollar)
• a bunch of bananas (one dollar)
• jar of peanut butter w/hydrogenated oils, and high fructose corn syrup (one dollar)

+1
Lived on this diet for a summer in Durango . . . it works.

Mix some free ketchup packets with hot water for tomato soup. This goes great with rattlesnake.

Jon H wrote:I'm starting a list of the best/cheapest dirtbag meal options. I figure this will come in handy for lots and lots of people on this site. Guidelines: No ramen, it doesn't even count as food. Cheaper is better. Assume it must be cooked with a whisperlite, leatherman, and a small aluminum pot. Highest points are awarded for nutrition, calories, ease of preparation, cheapest total cost, and ability to fill up a couple hungry climbers after a long day of climbing. My submission: Spaghetti with beans and meat. Cook pot of spaghetti, dump in pasta sauce, open can of black beans, dump in, dice up package of hotdogs, add to mixture. Eat. Total cost is about $4.50, can probably feed 2-3 guys, and full of protein, carbs, and fats. Total cook time is probably 15 minutes.

Hot dogs have very little protein and they're...hot dogs. Good suggestion otherwise. Go with something like canned white meat chicken instead.

The ultimate dirtbag meals though are as delicious as they are simple and cheap. Oatmeal and trail mix. Peanut butter was a good suggestion too.

Well...
Years ago, during the winter up at highlands, I saw a friend of mine look at the price of an egg salad sandwich at cloud nine (about $9). He went into the cafeteria line and separately bought a thick slice of french bread, which he split the hard way in half w/ a free plastic fork. He also bought a hard boiled egg and a setup which consisted of lettuce, onion and a tomato slice. He took a condiment container, mayo packet and relish packet from the condiment bar. Mixed it all up and had a damn nice egg salad sandwich... for $3!

Bill Duncan wrote:*one loaf of bread (one dollar) *a bunch of bananas (one dollar) *jar of peanut butter w/hydrogenated oils, and high fructose corn syrup (one dollar) +1 Lived on this diet for a summer in Durango . . . it works. Mix some free ketchup packets with hot water for tomato soup. This goes great with rattlesnake.

20 years ago when I was a homeless teenager you could also get free cracker packets at Mcdonalds to add to the hot water and ketchup. Spice with salt and pepper and good to go. Dunno if they do crackers anymore.

Hopefully Aaron Martinuzzi doesn't get mad at me for stealing his idea. It is completely %100 his inspiration. He showed it to me at the Black canyon campsite.

Spaghetti
Olive Oil
Tuna
Shredded cheese/feta

All for under threeish dollars

kind of a cop-out response, but I've found a lot of good ideas here:

camprecipes.com/

good for getting a bunch of stuff together prior to a car-camping long weekend anyway.

That, and any of the "Indian Fare" from Trader Joes. Not so great at home, maybe, but some naan and choley at camp or on the trail is awesome.

1. Chicken-nugget stew, from my days in the gutter in El Paso. Figure out when McD's tosses the chicken nuggets, dive the dumpster. Toss a potato and onion and some black pepper in the pot, boil a bit and add the chicken nuggets. This meal has a lot of potential. Maybe a dollar. Nutritional value? ummm....

2. Free dinner - Vegas has some great dumpster diving, several times I've eaten free there. Last Xmas I scored many loaves of artisan bread (olive, whole wheat, farmer), and some salmon that was still half frozen, fruit with little tiny brown spots on it, veggies, etc...

3. Pancakes. I dont' know the nutritional value, but if you add some quinoa flour you got a complete protein and you can add anyting else to pancakes to get a full profile nutrient for a few cents or maybe a dollar at most.

+1 for CalmAdrenaline's meal

If Gigi throwing that out --- I'm going brookie trout; best breakfast on the planet. Lemon, pepper, some shake & bake, a little bit o tin foil, and dang if you don't have a cuisine.

Olde English 800

Jon H wrote: My submission: Spaghetti with beans and meat. Cook pot of spaghetti, dump in pasta sauce, open can of black beans, dump in, dice up package of hotdogs, add to mixture. Eat. Total cost is about $4.50, can probably feed 2-3 guys, and full of protein, carbs, and fats. Total cook time is probably 15 minutes.

Jon, I have to say that sounds disgusting...maybe cuz it's only 10am, but pasta with pork and beans?

Gross...

Pasta (don't drain it very well, some water helps with texture)
Stir into this some peanut butter, some soy sauce, a lot of curry powder (or paste if you've got the money for it) and hot sauce.

Total cost varies depending on quality of peanut butter and pasta but is almost always cheaper than red sauce.

Delicious, high carb, some protein, some fat. Truly easy preparation.

Bag Soup
Fifty Packets of (Free) Ketchup from any fast food establishment
Two packets of Salt - If available.
One Pot
Water

Optional Garnish - Crushed Saltines (free if available)

Total Cost: 0.00

Dirt Bag Energy Food/Drink
One Can of Peaches
For nutritional value, calories and energy.
Drink the syrup.

Total Cost .79