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A question for women who climb harder than their boyfriends/husbands
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By Old and Busted
From Centennial, CO
Jul 8, 2011
Stabby
So, the men you two ladies climb with plutonically have actually confessed to having no interest in seeing you naked?
Hahahahahahaha.
I've got a great deal on land in Florida too.

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By Cynthia Adams
Jul 8, 2011
Cimbing trumps of course, unless he is totally irresistible to you.

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By Rob Gordon
From Hollywood, CA
Jul 8, 2011
Tough Mantle Problem.  Haven't sent yet...
Mike Lane wrote:
So, the men you two ladies climb with plutonically have actually confessed to having no interest in seeing you naked? Hahahahahahaha. I've got a great deal on land in Florida too.


+1

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By alpinista83
From San Francisco, CA
Jul 8, 2011
Levitating
Don't know about your partners, but most of mine are gettin' some on a regular basis and have no desire to mix business with pleasure. We climb because we're psyched on climbing. Genital differences be damned.

Not all guys want to hump their partner just because she happens to be a woman. Very often they want to climb with us because we aren't as competitive and we stink a lot less. No special treatment where I come from, but I am no supermodel. Can't speak for anyone else with a vagina.

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By Phil Lauffen
From The Bubble
Jul 8, 2011
RMNP skiing. Photo by Nodin de Saillan
I may be going out on a limb here, but guys in general seem to only have female friends that they are at least mildly sexually interested in.

I think this is hard for girls to understand, but common sense to guys...? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

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By Phil Lauffen
From The Bubble
Jul 8, 2011
RMNP skiing. Photo by Nodin de Saillan
Great tangent btw.

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By Rob Gordon
From Hollywood, CA
Jul 8, 2011
Tough Mantle Problem.  Haven't sent yet...
Phil Lauffen wrote:
I may be going out on a limb here, but guys in general seem to only have female friends that they are at least mildly sexually interested in. I think this is hard for girls to understand, but common sense to guys...? Please correct me if I'm wrong.


Nope, that's pretty spot on. With the exception that even girls we aren't really sexually interested in become more interesting sexually after spending a lot of close time together or a few beers.

There is also this thing called Pretty Girl Delusion (not really, just made the term up) where pretty girls just think guys are being nice to them because guys are nice, like when a guy lets a girl cut in front of him at the checkout line of the grocery store. We don't do this to be nice... we do it cause we want your number or at the very least, a sexy smile.

Most guys aren't nice. We are dogs. Congrats to the girls who say they've met some that aren't. It's rare.

Haven't we all seen When Harry Met Sally???

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By 1Eric Rhicard
Jul 8, 2011
It is a good sized roof. Photo: Jimbo
Rob Gordon wrote:
Haven't we all seen When Harry Met Sally???


+1

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By John Maguire
From Boulder, CO
Jul 9, 2011
Bastille Crack Final Pitch
Phil Lauffen wrote:
I may be going out on a limb here, but guys in general seem to only have female friends that they are at least mildly sexually interested in. I think this is hard for girls to understand, but common sense to guys...? Please correct me if I'm wrong.


And whether or not we have any interest in dating or becoming romantically involved, we almost always have more than a "little" interest in seeing you naked...

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By Phil Lauffen
From The Bubble
Jul 9, 2011
RMNP skiing. Photo by Nodin de Saillan
John Maguire wrote:
And whether or not we have any interest in dating or becoming romantically involved, we almost always have more than a "little" interest in seeing you naked...



We are pigs.

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By Colonel Mustard
From Reno, NV
Jul 9, 2011
Colonel Mustard
You mean we guys entertain the thought of more than one naked female at a time?! The only guys who can really convince you otherwise are either your Dad* or a male who REALLY wants to see you naked.

I appreciate the Pretty Girl Delusion hypothesis mentioned above. I've known a climbing woman who pretended she just happened to have a gaggle of salivating male partners because she was so charismatic (she wasn't, really, just self-absorbed, a trait known and easily exploited by the tongue lollers), and that the entire rack of small cams recently given her by a male admirer was because she was such a good friend. I'm still waiting on my rack of friendship cams. Of course, I was also sleeping with her, so I guess my point on the platonic/not platonic continuum is well defined.

But I've had plenty of platonic female partners, from the Christian woman urging me to recite pre-climb prayers in Yosemite to the fifty year-old artist shredding thin hands at the Creek. There have obviously been varying degrees of sexual interest, but being partners on climbs we wanted to do is what stands out. Let's not kid ourselves however, being a climbing partner is an intimate thing whether the partner is the opposite sex or not. When you find yourself crawling through somebody's legs at the belay or in an absent minded moment admiring your homeboy Brett's rippling back muscles as he pulls a move, something beyond the everyday has transpired. Can we then really blame our SOs for their jealousy?








[*not applicable in Arkansas]

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By Old and Busted
From Centennial, CO
Jul 9, 2011
Stabby
alpinista83 wrote:
Not all guys want to bone their partner just because she happens to be a woman.

Don't confuse wanting to see you naked with pooching you. Most men learn by the time they are 30 that the ramifications of a good boink often outweigh the 2 minutes of wahoo. Thus, self-restraint is developed; but it is a thin veneer. Next time you overnight with one of your buddies, tell him you want to do a science experiment to prove some DB in Centennial he's wrong; then climb into his bag nekkid and see what happens.
Its nice to see that the Bay Area still has some of the most oblivious, naive folks in the world. Thats how I remember it, part if its charm.

FLAG
By Tony B
From Around Boulder, CO
Jul 9, 2011
Got Milk? How about forearm pump? Tony leads "Alan Nelson's Bulging Belly" (5.10, X) on the Lost and Found Flatiron. Belayer is Mark Ruocco. Photo by Bill Wright, 10/06.
OK, so I'm a dude, but my main climbing partner of the last 20 years is a woman, and she climbs harder than her husband (who was her boyfriend), who eventually gave up climbing all together. (Sound familiar?)

It hasn't been a struggle between me and him and things are very comfortable. He's fine with her climbing with me and has been for as long as I've known, even on week-long road trips. He has made comments sometimes about preferring that she climb with me to other people, knowing I'm not going to get into epics or risk her safety. I am not sure how much humor was intended.

I'd attribute all that to the following facts:
1) He's easy going
2) He's met me and these days I'd say "knows me." I socialize with both of them. It was not an issue before they got married, or before I did.
3) I've never given either of them a reason to distrust me.

So perhaps the best advice I can give is to 'socialize' any male climbing partners with your BF/SO/husband- let them get to know and trust each other. Invite the climber to parties if you have them, to concerts, picnics, etc- or whatever 'group fun' events you might have on the calendar.

As well, consider finding a climbing partner who has a wife/gf that has no interest in climbing but has a common outdoor or travel interest with your bf. I used to take a former GF on trips that I'd climb with my partner on while my GF mountain biked with her bf/husband. Worked out just fine.

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By Yarp
Jul 9, 2011
A woman posts an articulate question asking for relationship advice and it ends up being a discussion between a bunch of dorks about who can come up with a more misogynistic way of proclaiming to the world that they and all other males they know are truly the swine that woman fear us to be. Thanks for living up to the stereotype.

Sawtooth...good luck with your issue. Please disregard most of what has been written here and spread the word among the other half that not all of us with a penis use it for making every decision in our lives.

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By Jason N.
From Grand Junction
Jul 9, 2011
Indy pass
Yarp wrote:
A woman posts an articulate question asking for relationship advice and it ends up being a discussion between a bunch of dorks about who can come up with a more misogynistic way of proclaiming to the world that they and all other males they know are truly the swine that woman fear us to be. Thanks for living up to the stereotype. Sawtooth...good luck with your issue. Please disregard most of what has been written here and spread the word among the other half that not all of us with a penis use it for making every decision in our lives.



Thank you. Thought I was the only one that felt this way.

FLAG
By Rob Gordon
From Hollywood, CA
Jul 9, 2011
Tough Mantle Problem.  Haven't sent yet...
Shocking... Yarp peed on the fun parade... again.

And for what it's worth, I actually think most of the misogynistic comments are pretty accurate as well as hilarious.

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By Rob Gordon
From Hollywood, CA
Jul 9, 2011
Tough Mantle Problem.  Haven't sent yet...
Yarp wrote:
Please disregard most of what has been written here and spread the word among the other half that not all of us with a penis use it for making every decision in our lives.


I've also learned one thing many times over in my life the hard way: when someone tells you outright what they don't do or what kind of person they aren't, you are pretty safe to assume that that is exactly what they do/who they are.

So Sawtooth you probably should not camp with Yarp.

FLAG
By Derek Schroeder
From Flagstaff, AZ
Jul 10, 2011
Bowling Pin, Bishop CA
Rob Gordon wrote:
I've also learned one thing many times over in my life the hard way: when someone tells you outright what they don't do or what kind of person they aren't, you are pretty safe to assume that that is exactly what they do/who they are. So Sawtooth you probably should not camp with Yarp.



BOOSH

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By JSH
Administrator
Jul 10, 2011
JSH @ home <br /> <br />photo courtesy of Gabe Ostriker
Ok, since you need more female input, I am in a long-term relationship where we've, I'd say, leapfrogged a few times ...

I think your primary concern isn't climbing and/or appropriate partners and whether they want to bone you or not; but your relationship. And I can say that the one thing that's really worked (for us) is to confront it head-on by saying (literally): "I feel like our lack of climbing compatibility is causing a problem in our relationship right now. How are we going to deal with it, or what can we do differently? What do you need?".

One thing is, I'm sure you know, in a good relationship you actively want the other person to be happy, to see that glow on their face (whether it came from climbing together or not). So, maybe give your SO a little more credit for wanting you to go do your thing, once he's secure? Maybe some adjustments need to be made for him to feel more secure or included in your day or thoughts, but I'd bet he would rather you get out than not, basically. So figure out what needs to happen, for you both. Figure out what compromise turns it from "climbing or me" to "we're both good with this".

I'd like to echo everything Alpinista said, and Rob Bauer that "we're all a little sensitive to spouses spending a lot of time away, especially doing something so rewarding for you apart from them". This problem is life-long, and partner- or spouse-independent. You can balance things, but it takes both of you to do so, and both of you approaching it from a "how can we keep our relationship good here?" viewpoint.

There's a bunch more I'd say that I'm not comfortable writing here, so PM me if you'd like. But it sounds like I'm similar to you in that I've had a bunch of guy partners, very few of whom catered to or wanted to bone me, but just wanted to climb; and what I value in a climbing partner is pretty similar to my SO, just without the need to get nekkid.

Good luck ... I'm pretty sure you'll be fine once you've hashed it out.

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By sawtoothski
Jul 11, 2011
While the topic may have taken a slight turn, the opinions expressed had their valid points, misogynistic or otherwise. Well, with the exception of geographically categorizing women as being naive versus skeptical.

I received a lot of PMs from those who wished to also remain anonymous. Thanks for the taking the time to writing your thoughts and how you handle such private matters. The questions that were posed to me still require thought, and more appropriately, a discussion with my partner. Alpinista and CP, thanks for putting me in touch with your friends and I will definitely contact you if I ever make it that far west and north!

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By Woodchuck ATC
Jul 11, 2011
Rock Wars, RRG, 2008
tough social question for sure. Guess alot of guys who climb better than their girlfriends are satisfied if she just continues to belay and not have aspirations for higher goals. But when it's reversed, I guess it could cause issues. I'd love to find a girl who climbs harder than I do, as I need the push. But when I would reach that high point along the way someday where I'm satisfied with the pleasures of my climbing limits, she may want to push on to harder stuff that leaves my comfort level. Hard to say how I would feel if she went off to climb with another guy, as I'm sure many guys ARE on the hunt for a female climbing partner who will go the distance with them.

It's not like having a girl who bowls 220 games while you can barely keep it over 110 each time at the lanes. Just not the same quality of competition or 'threat level' of someone leaving you for a better athlete.

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By Alicia Sokolowski
From Brooklyn, NY
Jul 11, 2011
Hanging out waiting for Die Antwoord to come on stage
Woodchuck ATC wrote:
It's not like having a girl who bowls 220 games while you can barely keep it over 110 each time at the lanes. Just not the same quality of competition or 'threat level' of someone leaving you for a better athlete.


You sure about that?


This guy is pretty sure he could have your girlfriend anytime
This guy is pretty sure he could have your girlfriend anytime

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By Fat Dad
From Los Angeles, CA
Jul 11, 2011
Yarp wrote:
A woman posts an articulate question asking for relationship advice and it ends up being a discussion between a bunch of dorks about who can come up with a more misogynistic way of proclaiming to the world that they and all other males they know are truly the swine that woman fear us to be. Thanks for living up to the stereotype. Sawtooth...good luck with your issue. Please disregard most of what has been written here and spread the word among the other half that not all of us with a penis use it for making every decision in our lives.

Wow. I'm not sure if this was intended to be self-emasculating or is just ignorant.

Here's the issue from my perspective. People often ask for the advice they want to hear to substantiate what they want to do. The opposite can be true as well but IMHO not so much.

sawtoothski asked for responses from ladies because she wanted to understand the issue from her perspective. If she wanted to know what was going on with her boyfriend and have a greater insight into what's he's feeling then she would have asked the guys. But she didn't. I think that's telling.

I think the men have chimed in well enough to give the male perspective. If you want to disagree with it fine, but you would be ignoring the likelihood that, collectively, they'll provide a much more accurate POV [edit: about the boyfriend's thoughts] than the women.

If you really want to have a meaningful relationship with your boyfriend, you wouldn't be spending entire weekends away from him. The issue isn't that you climb harder, it's that you're not around, climbing with a bunch of other dudes who are probably fit, shirtless and maybe interested in hitting you up, especially since they don't see you with a significant other. Some couples can maintain an arm's length relationship but most, as you probably already know, cannot. While the truth may be that you're faithful and interested, etc., appearances do matter. The perception he's seeing is that you're far more interested in the climbing than him.

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By Cynthia Adams
Jul 11, 2011
And there are not guys who would rather spend their weekends climbing than with their girlfriend's?

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By Fat Dad
From Los Angeles, CA
Jul 11, 2011
Cynthia Adams wrote:
And there are not guys who would rather spend their weekends climbing than with their girlfriend's?

Absolutely. Probably lots of them. I think we'd both agree about how much that tells you about how committed he is.

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