How do YOU ensure your climber is competent?

Belaying friends, we all know just how annoying and dangerous climbers can be. They expect you to be their personal crag slave, no matter what other stuff ya got going right then, yor required to stare at they butt for hours, badly costumed even. Then they drop crap, toss they cookies, cry like babies if de not get der wants attended.

So how do you pick your climber? IMHO, always go by the expense of whatever gizmo thong they give you to belay with. It's what they want, so must bees right!!!

Or, best backside view, butt hardly anyone's will climb nakeds fer ya. Not like BITD. : (

For me: It's all about the butt.

Look, if I'm going to be doing my job down here I will be staring at your butt.

If your butt is unsightly, unshapely or unattractive, I WILL NOT CLIMB WITH YOU.

Butts are a choice. How you move your butt is a choice. I want cheeks dancing rhythmically up the wall, not floppy cheeks that would be better off getting hauled to the top! I want to understand the essence of power and grace, I want my belaying experience to educate, enlighten and inspire. There is no better path than the viewing of a climber's toned tush.

I'm not saying you need to be doing squats 5x a week.... I'm saying at least 2x a week. And step-ups.

Look, you may think I'm being picky and that climbing is not about aesthetics. It is. I climb for the view. And if I'm gonna be stuck down here belaying, I'll do it for the view.

/s

Old lady H wrote:Belaying friends, we all know just how annoying and dangerous climbers can be. They expect you to be their personal crag slave, no matter what other stuff ya got going right then, yor required to stare at they butt for hours, badly costumed even. Then they drop crap, toss they cookies, cry like babies if de not get der wants attended. So how do you pick your climber? IMHO, always go by the expense of whatever gizmo thong they give you to belay with. It's what they want, so must bees right!!! Or, best backside view, butt hardly anyone's will climb nakeds fer ya. Not like BITD. : (

I have no idea what the OP is asking or talking about.

FrankPS wrote: I have no idea what the OP is asking or talking about.

SEE??? Yet another clueless climber.

How often is a first belayer recorded? Where are my tick marks for belaying? Where are the cover photos of belayer?? HMM, Mr. PS??

And yet you, ego driven climber, will hand me any fancy doodad you have hanging on your rack, after knowing me from 15 seconds earlier on a forum post, and expect me to belay your 352 pound meatiness up your glorious flash. SEVERELY interfering with my other cragside activities of choice. THEN, you will whine and complain about MY performance!

Parotty Frank. My reply to the entertaining street brawl someone chose to pick with Bearbreeder in a very similarly named post last night. Hah! I know where my bets been placed!

And sorry, I just have a hard time properly mangling language to do the best job of this.

BUT, considering climbers are pretty much round heeled sluts who will drop their drawers for anything that will allow them a climb, maybe we should let the belayer get the tick??? After all, we're the ones who make your climb happen, myeh?

Drunken posting is a scourge! It's a terrible affliction. :)

Old lady H wrote: Parotty Frank.

What? "Parotty"? Like a parrot?

FrankPS wrote:Drunken posting is a scourge! It's a terrible affliction. :) What? "Parotty"? Like a parrot?

Like someone repeating themselves? Woot! Woot!

Old lady H wrote: I just have a hard time properly mangling language to do the best job of this.

You manage to mangle language alright.

TSluiter wrote:For me: It's all about the butt. Look, if I'm going to be doing my job down here I will be staring at your butt. If your butt is unsightly, unshapely or unattractive, I WILL NOT CLIMB WITH YOU. Butts are a choice. How you move your butt is a choice. I want cheeks dancing rhythmically up the wall, not floppy cheeks that would be better off getting hauled to the top! I want to understand the essence of power and grace, I want my belaying experience to educate, enlighten and inspire. There is no better path than the viewing of a climber's toned tush. I'm not saying you need to be doing squats 5x a week.... I'm saying at least 2x a week. And step-ups. Look, you may think I'm being picky and that climbing is not about aesthetics. It is. I climb for the view. And if I'm gonna be stuck down here belaying, I'll do it for the view. /s

This is very good. No, I don't think you're being too picky. But it does makes me want to go exercise my legs.

I remove the bottle of wine from their hand

Brilliant topic! Boldly taking on some of the misogyny from other posts. Not sure if parotty was intended to be a mash up of parody and parity, or about the recycling of topics on MP, but I like it. The funniest was the idea of belaying with a "gizmo thong" !?!

Rope gun in search of eye candy belayer... What could possibly go wrong?

I just whip out my smart phone and check out my potential partner's "points rank" on MP. If they rank above me they must be more competent than me right?

I normally wait for them to get halfway up the wall than cut the rope. If they can find a way to rescue themself or finish the climb they are good to go.

caughtinside wrote:Trollenor.

That is like, sooo, you know, 2010. Booorrrin...zzzzzz

My Electrolux is more fun.

Defer again, to the Jesus....which nobody fucks with