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The NIght Before Cristmas, a climbers lament, (apologies to the original author)

Original Post
Muscrat · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Oct 2011 · Points: 3,625

'Twas the night before Christmas, my bills were a shock
all i really wanted, was to climb on some rock
The nuts and the cams were hung with the rope with great care,
In hopes that a miracle soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of more toys danced in their heads;
My partner in her harness, and I in my shoes,
Had just settled down for a long winter's snooze,
When out on the crag there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our pad to see what’s the matter.
Away up the first pitch i flew on a flash,
Tore through the next one, man what a ‘natch.
The moon on the breast of the prow up above,
Gave a glow to the rock, the place that i love
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a pile of great booty, and other great gear!
With such a score i had to think quick,
who could have left this, it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles i gathered my bounty
And shouted so loud you could hear through the county
A C4, no two! and wow, and nuts, count them, eight
Oh what a score, this is just great!
To the top of the pitch! to the top of the wall!
Now bring up my partner, we’ll split it all"
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the cliff top the climbers they flew
With the pack full of booty, and something else too,
And then, in a twinkling, I saw the next roof
The crux of the whole climb, i crushed it, just poof
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
my partner sent the next pitch, not making a sound
She was dressed all in spandex, from her head to her feet,
Her clothes covered in chalk, she looked really sweet
The bundle of booty she had flung on her back,
She looked like a dirtbag just hauling her pack.
Her eyes, how they twinkled! her dimples, how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, but she did not tarry
Her sweet little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the skin you could see was all aglow
The last piece of gear, she held in her teeth,
The whole of the climb now down beneath
She has such a sweet face and a tight little belly
But after this climb, just a little bit smelly
So happy and jolly, a right jolly sweet elf
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself;
A wink of her eye and a nod of her head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And finished the climb, with one little twerk
Belaying me up to her side i suppose
To the top of the mountain we then arose.
We sprang down the descent, with a laugh and a whistle
Our faces a’smiling, our feet light as thistle
We sang out in harmony, oh one more time
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good climb!”

highaltitudeflatulentexpulsion · · Colorado · Joined Oct 2012 · Points: 35

The early morning on the night before Christmas, crackheads broke into our car and absconded with a whole bunch of womens size xxs winter clothing.

William Sonoma · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2012 · Points: 3,550

Tis' the season! that sucks nicelegs, bummer dude. nice one muscrat! thanks for sharing.

Muscrat · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Oct 2011 · Points: 3,625

Ha ha ha!

Brian Prince · · reno · Joined Mar 2010 · Points: 2,727

Wonderful... Merry Christmas!

Jon Nelson · · Redmond, WA · Joined Sep 2011 · Points: 8,196

Very nice job on that poem, Muscrat!

(I'm assuming by "original author", you meant for the original poem, from the early 1800s.)

Muscrat · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Oct 2011 · Points: 3,625

Yep. Thanks, just happened, no excuses

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

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