Dating a climber...

rgold wrote: But in case things don't seem to be working out all that well after multiple tries, remember that the only constant in the equation is you.

Great advice, can never hear this enough.

I don't know about this idea of converting a girl into your partner. I've taken many girls out climbing in the hopes that they'd be my climbing girlfriend. The idea seemsd OK in highschool when I only had a couple months more experience than the girl.

Nowadays though, am I expected to cast aside my goals for 5-10-forever years to help get her ready to do stuff I could do this summer? For this precise reason, after many failed attempts, I made the decision to chase girls based on my attraction to them, compatibility, and even personality. As luck would have it, I met a climber girl who fulfilled all of the human criteria and just happened to climb 5.12 trad.

I'd stick with her if she lost 9 fingers in a tragic wheat thresher accident, our relationship isn't climbing. We both just climb.

reboot wrote: Total agree, and I bet that feeling is mutual. Here's one thing, if she's going to do that, given a choice, would you rather be her partner, or have her climb w/ someone equally or less competent than you? Why 9, is a finger in the stinker a requisite?

See, that's where it gets weird. Even though we both feel that shit hitting the fan is too intense for couple climbing.

Most "scary" routes aren't. Like I said, it's a very small percentage of big routes that get our panties in a bunch. For that small percentage I'd rather trust that we have a strong enough relationship to deal rather than find a different partner for the off chance thing got a little ugly.

FWIW, if I were to go back to greenland, or take an alpine trip to somewhere equally northy and alpiny (baffin comes to mind), she would be the only person on my list of potential partners.

Some recent posts highlight some of the adverse features of climbing relationships and, for that matter, human nature. Two observations:

1. I think one of the worst things one can do is to take another person and attempt to "mould" them into the person you want for yourself. I'm going to go out on a bit of a limb and say this is always going to end badly. People who want to please you may submit to a little bit of "moulding" in the short term, but will, for perfectly understandable reasons, come to resent it in the long term.

2. Climbing is actually pretty stressful a lot of the time. As with other stressful situations, it can powerfully magnify all the little issues in a relationship. We've all seen the climbing couples shrieking at each other at the crag in a way ordinary partners never do. If there are underlying problems in your relationship, climbing will bring them out in force.

rgold wrote: 2. Climbing is actually pretty stressful a lot of the time. As with other stressful situations, it can powerfully magnify all the little issues in a relationship. We've all seen the climbing couples shrieking at each other at the crag in a way ordinary partners never do. If there are underlying problems in your relationship, climbing will bring them out in force.

I used to play fairly serious competition/tournament Bridge, and the exact same thing happened between Bridge partners who were, also, in a relationship. Not all the time, but often enough that it was noticeable.

I don't mean to be a jerk, but when I hear other people post stuff like, "my SO doesn't climb, but it's ok...I still get out a couple times a year." I feel really sorry for them. My fiancé and I have been dating and climbing for 8 years and I couldn't ask for a better partner - both on the cliff and at home. There's nothing like having your belayer know EXACTLY what you're thinking when you look down, or know exactly what to say when you come off the last hard move of your project. In alpine environments there is nobody else I can trust fully to make the right decisions and keep us both safe. We climb at the same level and have the same aspirations for adventure and grade pushing.

Plus, honestly is there anything sexier than a competent climber?

There sure is - a competent climber who is also a well rounded, successful human being. People aren't one dimensional.

All of the competent climbers I know are coincidentally the most well rounded people I know. I'm not talking about the people who just know how to pull down hard and climb big grades, but the competent climbers that know how important communication, passion, and respect are in climbing and life.

I think many on the thread are equating having one dedicated hobby to being one-dimensional which I don't think is necessarily the case...

When I started climbing many years ago, it was with my ex-husband and some friends. My ex drifted away from climbing and I drifted away from him (for other reasons). When I got together with my current husband our connection was about many things other than climbing, although I still was a passionate climber. I have now been with him for fifteen years, and he is still not a climber and I still am one... and I am completely happy with the situation and more in love with him than ever. Yes, if I was married with a climber I would go on more climbing trips, but as things stand we have a healthy mix of together time and apart time. We don't share every interest, but we share many.

There's no one right answer. Do what you want!

No idea how to get a climbing/bouldering GF since all the climbing chicks seem to be taken.

Skat B wrote:No idea how to get a climbing/bouldering GF since all the climbing chicks seem to be taken.

I heard Aleks impregnated them all.

Skat B wrote:No idea how to get a climbing/bouldering GF since all the climbing chicks seem to be taken.

Douse yourself in pheromones when you go to the gym and strut around with your chest pumped out. Wear a blue shirt, stand in the middle of the room and make confident gesticulations to call attention to yourself. I read that somewhere. It should work.

It all depends on what you're looking for. Personally, I couldn't see myself with a non-climber either. Clearly, everyone has their own take. All I can say is there will be a lot of baggage associated with the relationship if you date a fellow climber, and it can be pretty heartbreaking at times

Hunter McPherson wrote:It all depends on what you're looking for. Personally, I couldn't see myself with a non-climber either. Clearly, everyone has their own take. All I can say is there will be a lot of baggage associated with the relationship if you date a fellow climber, and it can be pretty heartbreaking at times

Agreed but maybe I'm missing something. What extra baggage would a female climber have?

Skat B wrote: Agreed but maybe I'm missing something. What extra baggage would a female climber have?

Rope, rack, draws, slings and carabiners, harness, helmet. Maybe even a crash pad.

wonderwoman wrote: Successful couples push & support one another to be their best in both climbing and life.

It seems pretty simple, but sadly it's not always the case.

If I dated a climbing chick that climbed harder than me, then that's fine, as I find I climb better when I surround myself with better climbers. Whatever grade she climbs, she's got to be passionate about it. And, yeah, I know ...like 20 guys to 1 chick (or higher) ratio out there but oh well. I've just seen a lot of my climbing friends get married off to non-climbers and don't want to end up like that, ya know??

Doug S wrote: It seems pretty simple, but sadly it's not always the case.

You're right that not all relationships are 'successful'. But I agree with her statement: the successful ones support one another.

My wife Nikki doesn't climb. She doesn't surf, doesn't snowboard, she's not into woodworking, and flatly refuses to get her hands dirty working on cars. She won't be found reading historical fiction, real estate strategy drives her crazy, and she views off roading as an unnecessarily expensive way to break one's jeep. These are all things I love to do.

I, on the other hand, am clueless when it comes to photography. I couldn't tell the difference between handbags designed by Alexander McQueen, Jonathan Adler, and what's available at Target.
I have little interest in 80's music, especially industrial, especially 80's industrial from Dade Co, FL. I can't keep a plant alive no matter what I do, have poor interior design instinct, and freely admit that modern art goes way over my head. These are things Nikki thrives on.

We just celebrated our 11th anniversary.

We get along great. She has her friends, I have mine, and we have ours. We have as many common interests as we have personal interests. More importantly, we have common goals for our future and the upbringing of our child. Speaking for myself (though I flatter myself that the reciprocal sentiment exists) it's the passions of hers outside my own circle that help to define her as an interesting person in my eyes. I can't help but appreciate and respect that there are a score of subjects that she has a deep skill/knowledge in/of that I am clueless about.

I say follow your heart. Fall in lust, fall in love, go with the flow, be open to feelings towards and interest from anyone that catches your eye. Don't pigeon hole someone who doesn't exist in your life yet. If dating truly is hard, narrowing the focus will only make matters worse.