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Dating a climber...

Steve Jones · · Fayetteville WV, · Joined Jun 2011 · Points: 105

So I think what people are saying is that climbing together can't make a relationship good, but climbing together can make a good relationship even better and more intense. Sharing an intense experience with the one you love deepens the relationship and you both fully understand why we need to climb, why we need the adrenaline and endorphin rush in beautiful places.

Like this:

chamonix

or this:

Mer de glace

Jennifer Vaisman · · Longmont, CO · Joined Jun 2013 · Points: 60

Chick on Crack-

Not hurtful at all.
But I think you misunderstand (not hard as its difficult for me to succinctly describe my thoughts here).... The married guy who complained about his wife not climbing got me thinking the exact thing you mention: what if your partner can't climb anymore (due to health issues, injury etc)... Does that justify looking outside your relationship (of course not! It's bullshit)

Obviously, basing an entire relationship on one common interest is not sustaining... It simply isn't enough.

I guess my experience with the married man just got me thinking...
It would definitely but lovely and ideal to be in relationship with someone who loves the rock like I do, but id be fooling myself if I thought that would be enough.
A girl can always hope!

Kelly P · · The Bubble, CO · Joined Oct 2011 · Points: 10

I met my husband when I was 13 and we were on the youth climbing team. We were friends, went to college, graduated, started dating, 7 years later, we are married. We moved to Colorado specifically TO CLIMB more. The biggest issue with climbing couples is when your projects are on different crags :)

Hank Caylor · · Livin' in the Junk! · Joined Dec 2003 · Points: 643

My Wife and I have climbed or made BASE jumps, exclusively with each other(frequently with friends as well) for almost a decade.

Pretty much most weekends one or both those activities go down. Mixed in with some llama racing and half marathons and 2-3 International trips a year, but ALWAYS with each other. I don't really know how we got this happy with each others company.

We're Married, we own a house. She got hurt BASE jumping a few years ago and of course I stopped until she got better and we reevaluated continuing with that activity. I would imagine if one of us got hurt climbing it would be the same, the other would stop and we'd figure it out..

Moses Tower, UT

Matt N · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Oct 2010 · Points: 415

Captain Obvious says:

Relationships based on sex, will always have something in common.

giggity

Andrew Gram · · Salt Lake City, UT · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 3,725

I've been happily married for 8 years, now with an 8 month old girl. My wife doesn't really climb - she'll occasionally go to the gym or will do a bit of easier cragging, but she would happily never climb again. I climb regularly with other people, both day trips and longer vacations. It is important to have a strong enough relationship that time apart is ok, and there is enough trust that jealousy is rightly not an issue.

The relationship was a bit difficult at first because I was in the climbing passionate phase rgold mentioned. It took awhile for me to grow up enough to be able to be interested in people and conversations that weren't only about climbing. Thankfully I did, and my wife stuck with it long enough for me to become a more balanced person. Unless you happen to be a pro climber, broadening horizons to activities and people outside of climbing I think makes for a more fulfilling life and makes you a more interesting person.

Common interests are important, but not necessarily identical interests. I don't think I could be happily married to someone who had no interest in the outdoors. My wife and I ski, hike, surf, and do long rafting trips together. That said, once you have kids especially it is critically important that you are compatible in ways outside of being activity buddies. Having different activities can be a big advantage for folks with really small children - I'm free to go climbing after work when she wants to go for walks with her friends. I free her up to ski on weekend days when I want to watch a football game.

I've had fun relationships with climbers in the past, but nothing like this. When I was in the climbing passionate phase I was definitely on the live simply, don't get married, no kids, and just climb all the time bandwagon. My life is much richer now, though I'm sure glad I had all the experiences of the climbing phase.

Ryan Kempf · · Boulder, CO · Joined Jul 2011 · Points: 371

^^^ This is prob the most insightful post on MP in a while.

Kohnstamm · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jan 2012 · Points: 5
rgold wrote: It dawned on me that my brain was still functional. I went to grad school and got a PhD and became a professor. And yes, since I did fully recover, I went back to climbing and am still at it, but never again to the exclusion of the other wonderful delights of life. Given all this potential flux, relationships only survive if the parties really value each other and are prepared to make compromises for what I think are the inevitable but unknowable shifts that happen over the course of a lifetime. Back to dating. If you want to climb, by all means date other climbers. But in case things don't seem to be working out all that well after multiple tries, remember that the only constant in the equation is you.
Wise words.
slim · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2004 · Points: 1,103

having dated non-climbers, and then getting married to a climber, there is no way in hell i could go back to being in a relationship with someone who doesn't climb. it was a total pain in the ass trying to squeak in climbing time and avoid boring days filled with whatever shit people do when they aren't climbing. it totally sucked.

now, the biggest debates me and my wife have are things like which rope to bring? squamish or the needles? PBJ's or bars? what kind of beer to buy?

my wife is awesome. this last year she dialed back from full time to part time so that she could basically be base camp commander. the truck is always packed and ready to go. she takes care of all the peripheral stuff that can suck up your free time (re-tiling the shower, dealing with our rental properties, keeping our place in good shape, making sure we are eating well, getting oil changes and rotating the tires, home improvement projects, etc). all i have to do is work, train, climb. it is pretty much like being in heaven.

SMH Climber · · Midvale, UT · Joined Nov 2010 · Points: 845

I have been married for 18 years and dated my wife for 2 years prior to that. She has climbed with me off and on through out the 20 years and the years she has climbed with me have definitely been the best years of our marriage. My mom has never climbed but my dad who started me climbing when I was 5 has always loved it. Climbing did cause a lot of disagreements in there marriage but they were able to compromise and have been very happy together. As a result my dad and I have been climbing partners for over 30 years. If you love climbing I would recommend trying to find the right / compatible person who climbs but if that does not work out you can still make it work and be very happy with a spouse / partner that does not climb.

David Gibbs · · Ottawa, ON · Joined Aug 2010 · Points: 2

It can, definitely, be easier dating someone who is a climber -- but I don't think it is the most important. I would suggest, though, that you should look to date someone with at least interests of their own, hopefully a passion or passions of their own.

Maybe they love kayaking, or birding, or skiing. They may not understand why you like climbing, but they understand making the time for the thing that you love. You're out climbing every weekend, but they're out birding every weekend. You share your joys -- you just sent your project, or they just spotted two lifers in one day. And, maybe, they try climbing and join you occasionally. And, maybe, you try birding and go with them occasionally -- or maybe not. Maybe you take independent vacations. But, you blend the rest of your life together.

What I would avoid, though, is someone who doesn't have a passion, who climbs just to be with you -- or expects you to give up your passion to be with them.

TBlom · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jun 2004 · Points: 360
Ryan Kempf wrote:^^^ This is prob the most insightful post on MP in a while.
2nd that.

I used to think that I wanted to be with someone that had all the same hobbies. Problem is that you never get any time to yourself, which is important to me. Time spent with the respective 'bros and 'hos is different than being with your lover constantly. Always tough to find balance in a busy world... We seem to be as a group strongly individualistic.
rgold · · Poughkeepsie, NY · Joined Feb 2008 · Points: 526

Every now and then, two people who were really meant to be together find each other. One of the most wonderful examples I know is Herb and Jan Conn, who were together from their days in grade school (!) until Herb died two years ago at the age of 91. They spent a lifetime together, climbing and then exploring Jewel Cave.

There is a memorial thread for Herb on Supertopo at supertopo.com/climbers-foru…, but you can read quite a bit about Jan in there too. They were truly a match made in heaven.

They were so attuned to each other that when their interest in climbing waned (after many years and countless ascents around the country, but especially in Custer State Park), they both found a new common passion in the exploration of Jewel Cave.

Reading about them will bring a smile to your face and remind you that it is just possible that dating a climber will turn out to be the ticket to a lifetime of happiness.

Joan Lee · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jun 2014 · Points: 140

If somebody really loves you they are willing to go extra mile and belay you for however long it takes you to lead a pitch. On ice or rock! Having fun together is awesome but your partner has to understand your needs just like you have to understand theirs and be accommodating and compromising. Climbing for some of us is simply a must not a choice and your partner has to understand that. If they do that's a true love and lifelong partnership!

Carey De Luca · · Yucca Valley, Ca · Joined Jul 2007 · Points: 25

I climbed when I met my husband and he ran a climbing gym at that time. It was love at first sight and I knew the day I met him that I was going to marry him. Within a year we were married and it has now been over 5 years. I am now an avid climber and we go out and play on a weekly basis. He tells me daily that I am his favorite play partner and I honestly do not think he would have married anyone who did not enjoy climbing as much as he does. I get us motivated to go outside and climb just as often as he does. It also helps not to have any children(we tried and it's not meant to be). It helps that we both love to climb because every holiday and vacation revolves around climbing trips. If I were ever single again(and hopefully that won't happen anytime soon) I would only date a climber cause a non-climber would not understand the obsession. Just my opinion.

Crispy. · · Chicago · Joined May 2014 · Points: 70
Chick on Crack wrote:I guess not being from Colorado or the West, I'm still not use to singles profiling each other and "falling in love" based on activities/hobbies. Go spend a few weeks in another city or state and don't climb, or talk about climbing, or dress like a climber, or put on a gun show, and see who you attract. OR, go to Chicago and fetch a mate there...guys there LOVE outdoorsy chicks who climb. I'm not kidding. Most of them have or will move to Golden, CO immediately and one year in, will gladly give up their swagger to live in your Sprinter. Dating is hard. Good luck, lady!! Hope you find the answer to your curiosity.
Spot on with the Chicago reference, Chick. I live in Chicago and I know a ton of guys (myself included) who love "outdoorsy chicks who climb."
Tony Schaps · · Chamonix France · Joined Apr 2012 · Points: 45

I'll say it again- climbing at at certain level ( alpine, expedition high altitude ) where one is in a world of one's own is not conducive to intimate relationships. It is a solitary endeavour best approached alone or with other insane climbers. One is able to cope knowing that one's non climbing partner ( male or female ) is safe and a source of comfort and incentive to return from the struggle

highaltitudeflatulentexpulsion · · Colorado · Joined Oct 2012 · Points: 35
Schaps wrote:I'll say it again- climbing at at certain level ( alpine, expedition high altitude ) where one is in a world of one's own is not conducive to intimate relationships. It is a solitary endeavour best approached alone or with other insane climbers. One is able to cope knowing that one's non climbing partner ( male or female ) is safe and a source of comfort and incentive to return from the struggle
There is more truth to this than others here acknowledge. Being in a relationship with someone who can hike faster than me and lead trad harder has often led us into situations that I would prefer not to be in with someone I care about that much. A forced bivvy on a mountain is never sexy time. A hanging belay off a single nut is not where you want to put her. Run out on bad rock does not make you hot for her. It's scary shit and it makes you want to climb pedestrian routes, even if she is hands down the best alpine partner I've ever had.

It's an intense and stressful situation to walk that line as a couple. I will say though, most alpine routes are simple affairs of beautiful high elevation multipitch and nothing goes wrong. Those times it's great to share it with her.
Jon Zucco · · Denver, CO · Joined Aug 2008 · Points: 245

Is it easier to make a climber out of a significant other, or a significant other out of a climber?

Tom-onator · · trollfreesociety · Joined Feb 2010 · Points: 790

How NOT to break up with your SB (significant belayer) on an Internet website!

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

General Climbing
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