Dating a climber...

Dating is hard enough as it is, and I find that I'm only interested in dating a "climber."
I'd hate to put a ceiling on possibility by having specific criteria but with most of my bandwidth focused on climbing, gear, trips, the prospect of jumping etc. I find it hard to imagine a non-climber fitting in somewhere.
I recently met a married man whose wife doesn't climb -- he's been climbing on and off for several years and was aware that she didn't climb when he tied the knot and all these years later is complaining that they lack common interests. There's some definite bullshit in his reasoning but it begs the question, what happens if your companion stops climbing (for any number of reasons)?

Thoughts?

Thoughts? Don't "console" the married guy.

If your marriage is solely based on any one thing, such as climbing, probably it will not last. My wife stopped climbing a few years ago, no big deal. I married her because we have many common interests.

Goodluck, Jen!

I used to have trouble fitting dating into my climbing life - when I was gone every Friday through Sunday and driving 3-4 hours to get to the climbing.
"Can I see you next weekend?"
"Um...if it rains!"

Now I live in Boulder where I can climb all day, go home, shower, and still go out to dinner with someone who doesn't know anything about climbing. The next day I can be back on the rock. I find my life is much more balanced now and dating a climber seems pretty unimportant, as long as the person I'm with is supportive of me climbing, and really they should be supportive of me and my interests in general.

There might be a climber or non-climber out there who is right for you - don't close any doors prematurely.

Except married doors. Those stay closed.

What do you do with people who don't climb or play outside....

Have to disagree with the previous posts. If climbing is that important to you, my advice is to find a good relationship with another climber. My wife is a climber and it's absolutely wonderful and so much fun, it's stunning. We take big,long climbing trips to beautiful places, such as the Alps. Sharing intense climbing adventures in the mountains with the one you love is completely satisfying in my experience. I've tried it the other way, so I know the difference.

When I say good relationship, I'm talking about a mutually respectful, adult-adult relationship that is fun and loving. If you can't find that with a climber, there's the hard choice. My vote is to keep looking and growing. See if you can have it all. The journey's worth it.

Jen, if you're question is simply "What do you do if your partner stops climbing?" I guess that all depends on you. If you live to climb, if you're one of those super passionate people who locks on to something and gives themselves to it completely ..... you already have a partner. ;)

But seriously, if you are one of those people (and there's nothing wrong with being that way) then you need to find someone who feels the same way about climbing you do. On the other hand, if you have other hobbies and interests, they may well be enough to make a relationship with a non-climber last. Plus someone who's not a climber when you meet them, may become interested in climbing simply by being with you. They may never be up to your level or take it as seriously as you, but that doesn't mean you couldn't take some time here and there to spend climbing with them just to do something fun together. Just because someone isn't a climber, doesn't mean they wouldn't be interested in it if the opportunity arose.

Wow! I appreciate all the valuable feedback!!
So nice to see many married climbing couples as well as couples that include a non-climbing SO.

I suppose more shall be revealed as I continue on my journey...

In the meantime, I'm pretty amused and interested in hearing about how other people are getting on with a climbing or non-climbing partner....

Mathias wrote:Jen, if you're question is simply "What do you do if your partner stops climbing?" I guess that all depends on you. If you live to climb, if you're one of those super passionate people who locks on to something and gives themselves to it completely ..... you already have a partner. ;) .

It's a sweet thought --- does that make me polyamorous as I have several different partners?
:-)

FrankPS wrote:Thoughts? Don't "console" the married guy.

Definitely not "consoling" despite his (now quiet) efforts!

If you're only interested in dating a climber", and "find it hard to imagine a non-climber fitting in somewhere" then you seem to have made your choice. I understand Laine's reasoning, but that just means you probably ought to hold out for someone with whom you have more in common than just climbing.

What happens when/if your companion stops climbing? Hopefully you had more in common than just climbing to start with, and hopefully you've developed a relationship based on a common outlook on life, and hopefully that's enough to keep the relationship going. But there's nothing wrong with only dating climbers to start with.

So the married guy you met is complaining that his wife doesn't share his interests? Please tell us you know better than to fall for something as obvious as "my wife doesn't understand me".

Jen Vaisman wrote: It's a sweet thought --- does that make me polyamorous as I have several different partners? :-)

Actually I was thinking more along the lines of 'climbing' being your partner. As in, you being married to it. :)

Jen Vaisman wrote:what happens if your companion stops climbing (for any number of reasons)? Thoughts?

Hopefully, (s)he still supports your climbing and you have enough other common interests that you both are happy.

Though I wish she had, my wife has never rock climbed. She's snow shoed and winter camped, though. Occasionally, she'll come and belay for me. And she has even babysat a climbing partner's kid so that she (the climbing partner) and I could go to the Gunks.

OTOH, my wife loves the beach and adventurous vacations. Some that she's chosen: St. Croix, Nevis, Hiking the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Zion NP, Caving and snorkeling in Belize, St Kitts, Costa Rica.

I don't get to climb as much as if she was also a climber. But, we have fun.

Source: Together 37 years, forever to go.

wivanoff wrote: Hopefully, (s)he still supports your climbing and you have enough other common interests that you both are happy. Though I wish she had, my wife has never rock climbed. She's snow shoed and winter camped, though. Occasionally, she'll come and belay for me. And she has even babysat a climbing partner's kid so that she (the climbing partner) and I could go to the Gunks. OTOH, my wife loves the beach and adventurous vacations. Some that she's chosen: St. Croix, Nevis, Hiking the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Zion NP, Caving and snorkeling in Belize, St Kitts, Costa Rica. I don't get to climb as much as if she was also a climber. But, we have fun. Source: Together 37 years, forever to go.

Very inspiring!

I agree with everyone about diversity of interest as well as just fitting together with someone. And also that your spouse be supportive of your interest. That goes a long way. I always tell my wife how much I appreciate that she supports most of my interest, even if she doesn't want to partake.

My wife does climb, and she climbs well and enjoys it. But she also enjoys paddling, camping, hiking and other activities we both get some satisfaction out of.

She definitely isn't as hard core as I'd like. She doesn't lead, she won't even considering ice climbing. she isn't necessarily interested in the intricacies of anchors, cord strengths, and fall factors and the minutia that is climbing. But she can clean a pitch, arrive at a belay with my gear sorted and I trust her belaying me. Not to mention we have fun when we climb, and I enjoy it.

When I want to head into the mountains or do a long multi-pitch (she prefers 1 or 2 pitch routes) , I usually climb with someone else. She's good with that and so am I.

If you marry anyone just because of a single common passion, I have a feeling your marriage is destined to last till the next passion takes over. Nothing wrong with that but it's not a foundation for a marriage, it's a foundation for a good climbing partnership with benefits.

Jen Vaisman wrote:...I recently met a married man whose wife doesn't climb -- he's been climbing on and off for several years and was aware that she didn't climb when he tied the knot and all these years later is complaining that they lack common interests.

"My wife and I lack common interests...she doesn't understand me." Sounds like a married guy trying to get in your pants.

I met my wife climbing in the rain, she was rockin’ the joint in a downpour. We have been inseparable ever since. After the kids, our jobs, her mother in-law (she married me any way) and things like making the mortgage, we don’t climb together that much any more and she misses it as much as I. We will climb together forever if only in our dreams, Love is like that
After 40yrs I am trying to grow up. I’ve been running around out there finding it and climbing it the hard way. (Can’t keep it secret, curse you Internet & Bing maps)
So this bitter old goat can only say play the field and the hand your dealt. Have fun Love can happen and does for climbers.
We are proof that the dream does happen and can be really sweet.
Good luck, stay out of married men’s grasp no matter how they plead their case.
Those sort of men, bad dogs, never change and need to be on short leashes not Viagra!
Cheers!?

Brian wrote: "My wife and I lack common interests...she doesn't understand me." Sounds like a married guy trying to get in your pants.

I like the MP sense of gender equality.

Guy talks to girl about his wife not climbing = trying to cheat on his wife

Girl wears lulu lemons and a sports bra to the gym = just trying to be comfortable nobody look

Seems legit.

My relationship just finished crashing down around me because I was prioritizing climbing over my non-climbing girlfriend

So unless you can either A: find someone who's okay with being 2nd place to climbing for you. Or B: date a climber

Ryan Watts wrote: I like the MP sense of gender equality. Guy talks to girl about his wife not climbing = trying to cheat on his wife Girl wears lulu lemons and a sports bra to the gym = just trying to be comfortable nobody look Seems legit.

Sadly, it's accurate... And yes, he was trying to get in my pants...

Michael Schneider wrote:I met my wife climbing in the rain, she was rockin’ the joint in a downpour. We have been inseparable ever since. After the kids, our jobs, her mother in-law (she married me any way) and things like making the mortgage, we don’t climb together that much any more and she misses it as much as I. We will climb together forever if only in our dreams, Love is like that After 40yrs I am trying to grow up. I’ve been running around out there finding it and climbing it the hard way. (Can’t keep it secret, curse you Internet & Bing maps) So this bitter old goat can only say play the field and the hand your dealt. Have fun Love can happen and does for climbers. We are proof that the dream does happen and can be really sweet. Good luck, stay out of married men’s grasp no matter how they plead their case. Those sort of men, bad dogs, never change and need to be on short leashes not Viagra! Cheers!?

Thank you!!
You're certainly right about the wandering married man --- I'm guessing the lack of his wife climbing is a convenient excuse to pounce on a female that does climb.
I do hope to date a climber, but I'm not opposed to dating a non-climber... Climbing or not, as long as we're on the same page with monogamy!