Common phrases in climbing... TRANSLATED!

Bill Wa wrote:"Do you climb outside?" - " I am in desperate need of a belayer to do some real climbing cos my buddies all bailed and I'm here in the gym scrounging."

"Slack!" = "Stop picking your nose, dumb arse!"

"It's just too hot for those slopers." - I'm too weak.

"I went rappelling once" - I have no idea what I'm talking about

Climber on route "This ice is steeper than it looked from below"

Translation- "Partner, prepare to freeze at the belay, this is going to take me forever as I place every screw I have on my harness"

"On Rappel" - I hope this sh$t holds.

I'm just getting back into it = I've been consistently training for the last 6 months but don't want to let on how much climbing well today means to me.

This route is really powerful = this route is too hard for me

This route is really sustained = this route is too hard for me

That route was pretty easy = that route was almost too hard for me

That route is fun = that route sucks and I want you to climb it.

You have deceptively good footwork = you look like a seal who wants a fish

Coming from a guy:
" I got this." - I have no idea what I'm doing.
Coming from a girl:
" I got this." - This bitchs' weave and earring are coming the ef off!

"I'm spent" = I'm going to spend the two hour drive home passed out in the passenger seat while you try to keep your eyes open with no one to talk to.

(at rapp station) "Will you give me a firemans for a sec?" = I'm scared shitless of taking my self off the anchor.

"my uncle gave me all his old gear, wanna go climb?" = I'm going to kill you

Belayer-"Go for it! I'm with you."

I wasn't paying attention a second ago, but I am now.

"I can lead up to 5.9"

I'm a solid 5.7 leader.

"Your rack is really shiny."

Did your grandma bedazzle those pasties for you?

Bzzzaaat! = Bzzzaaat!

That was "interesting"

But It said 5.7 in the guidebook = this 50 year old alpine route is kicking my ass!

Should we bail? = I wonder if you are as scared as I am, and I hope you say "yeah, I was thinking the same thing"

That' looks like an El Cap rack = you're going to sew that thing up big time

I said , slack!!! = I'm pumped and desperate to clip this piece

Dude, you're doing the E = quit shaking so hard and nut up

From the ice, mixed and Rockies choss side of things:

"That ice is a little sun-affected" = "The surface 6-inches of ice are worthless"

"That looks spicy" = "The ice has delaminated from the rock..."

"It's a bit of a shower" = "Bring ALL your Gore-Tex, and plan on getting soaked"

"That route's pretty dry" = "It's a rock shower in there"

"It's pretty clean" = "We only pulled off every fourth hold instead of every second one"

"I don't think this cam will hold" = "Looks like the cam will pull the roof onto our head if I blow this move"

"There's a really good tool placement just over the roof!" = "You can pull the roof, but it's an M8-ish move on a 5.7 route"

"That roof is a lot more horizontal than it looks" = "This M12+ shit is hard!"

"Let's go climbing sometime" = "I'm a climber too, but don't have anybody to climb with."

"Can you take me climbing sometime?" = "I climbed once in middle school. I don't have any gear. Not even shoes or a harness."

"what are you getting on?" = "please don't say the route I want to get on because you motherfuckers are taking your sweet ass time and you haven't even left the ground yet"

Damn that was heady for 5.8 = Holy crap I almost lost it and crapped my pants on that. WTF is wrong with me!

Dom wrote:"I'm a 5.12 climber" = I've hungdog my way up a 12a once at the gym.

Here's some from the Offwidth world
That route was "casual" => your being sandbagged
It's only a 5.8+ => your being sandbagged
It's only a 5.9+ => your being sandbagged
Your going to want to bump your cams => all the gear is terrible and your being sandbagged
That route is "full value" = expect loose rock, long run outs, trees and bushes , and a bomb rating on MP. Oh and your being sandbagged.

'come on!, send it!' : you are epic projecting my girlfriend's warm-up. hurry the fvck up

"I've been climbing for 30 years and I think..." -> "I've lost touch with reality and am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that 8yr olds warm up on what my generation thought was the pinnacle of difficulty. Could someone please listen to me so I can feel like I am still relevant...please?"