Good Climbing jokes

good one Frank

This one's not a climbing joke either

Son: Dad can I borrow your car?
Dad: Can your johnson touch your ass?
Son: No
Dad: No
(a couple days later)
Son: Dad can I borrow your car? I have a date tonight.
Dad: Can your Johnson touch your ass?
Son: Yes.
Dad: Go fuck yourself.

Have you heard about the climber with five penises.
His tights fit like a glove.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

This one only really makes sense in Indian Creek.

Where are you from?

Boulder.

Boulder Utah???

don't get offended, i didnt make this one up:

what does getting a blow job from a gay guy and bouldering have in common?

--The both feel good until you look down and realize you're gay

Jon Zucco wrote:i once climbed 2 miles at level 7 on the stair master in the 24 hr fitness at colorado and alameda with a steady heart rate of 140 bpm. I had to stop early because it looked like rain, so I ran to the covered bus stop so I could catch the 3. Almost epiced.

How does a female climber keep her ankles warm? With her panties.

Women think male climber are HOT! Everytime a climber walks by, you can hear them whisper WHAT AN ASS!!!

A climber walks into the psychologists office wearing only clear plastic wrap. The psych says "I can clearly see you're nuts!!!"

2 climbers walked into a bar. You would think one of them would've seen it.

Someone's at the door with cams, straps, slings, a harness, and new rubber...it's either chris sharma or my mistress (or both)

Tony Montana (Al Pacino/scarface, for you climbers out there) took up climbing and said, "say hello to my little friend".

A climber spends 3 years with the inuit, trying to become one of them. One day, the chief walks into a crowded bar and tells the guy "to become 1 of us, you must down a 1/5 of our moonshine, wrestle a polar bear, and make love to one of our squaws"...

The climber quickly grabs the moonshine, downs it, and run out into a blizzard.

He comes back 2 hours later all tore up and bleeding, and says "where's that squaw you want me to wrestle?"

I’ve got a cheesy one for y’all:

What do you call an ursidae that loves well protected trad climbing?

A cammin’ bear!

143 replies when you necromanced this thing...

I netted one laugh, a couple smiles...and a godawful lot of cringes.

I can't help but wonder if some of the 2013 climbers made it out of seventh grade by now?? 

And why you bothered resurrecting this, when a joke thread is currently running?

Old lady H wrote:

143 replies when you necromanced this thing...

I netted one laugh, a couple smiles...and a godawful lot of cringes.

I can't help but wonder if some of the 2013 climbers made it out of seventh grade by now?? 

And why you bothered resurrecting this, when a joke thread is currently running?

Oh Helen...

Next you’re gonna tell me ants can’t ride no sea-doos.

I’m glad my cheesy joke made you laugh and that some of the other ones made you smile.

2 dirtbag climbers having a beer at the end of a long day when one notices the crag dog licking himself. He comments, “sometimes I wish I could do that”. The dogs owner watches a few seconds, then shakes his head, replies, “oh, he’d bite ya”.

Q: How is a climber like a whore?

A:They both trust the rubber when their legs are spread.

OK I’m starting to see Helen’s point...

And then I says, Carabiner? I barely even know her!

Hey everybody! I just made a quick blog post with a few of my favorites from this thread, as well as a few terrible inventions of my own...

https://rantingsonyaxis.blogspot.com/2021/03/10-climbing-dad-jokes.html#more