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Groundbreaking Female Ascent

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lucander · · Stone Ridge, NY · Joined Apr 2009 · Points: 260

Groundbreaking Female Ascent
September 22, 2013 at 7:25pm

An excerpt of an article submitted to Alpinist by an unnamed source who may be a Gunks Climbing Ranger:

For many women languishing in the driftlessness of post-third wave feminism, there is no longer a cause worth identifying with. Ursula A. Lucander (nee Wieczorek), long obscured in the shadows of her husband's prowess on climbs such as High Exposure and Frog's Head, has struck a blow for all woman kind after completing a redpoint lead of the third pitch of Shawangunk testpiece Rusty Trifle. "I'm just proud to have left my mark," Lucander said, "and I hope that little girls everywhere can feel a little more free because of what I've done."

Her sponsor, Playtex Incorporated, will launch an advertising campaign centered on the charismatic Gunk-ette for the upcoming holiday season. Alex Honnold, Lucander's only real rival as a climber in the North American scene, is reportedly suing another of Lucander's sponsors, Pinnacle Whipped Vodka, for alleged gender bias. Honnold has since wound up with a far less lucrative contract for DeWar's.

Much more than a rock climbing icon, Lucander's impact has gone viral. Chimanga Adeche of Sudan is sequestered from her family in a remote village. Long a pariah because of a fistula resulting from pregnancy complications at age twelve, Adeche and countless thousands of women like her are finding the strength to stand up to traditional patriarchy. "The men of this tribe talks about traditional African values," Adeche told an AP source, "but what they really mean is the same old run around. It's like colonization all over again. Ursula's greatness shows us that we really matter."

In the United Arab Emirates, Lucander's accomplishment has taken on a life of its own, leaving those who wondered what would become after Tahrir Square doubtless as to the new direction of the Arab Spring. "It's like when I see her grab that jug, I feel myself grabbing democracy," said Farah el-Hajj-al Malik from behind her veil. "I see Ursula rock climbing the Rusty Trifle and I know that I can drive without a man in the car."

Lucander, a resident of the amorphous region known as upstate New York, is an underemployed substitute teacher. Once bitter about her marginalization in the economy on account of her gender, sexual orientation, and race, she has found new freedom in the least likely of places - on the side of a high escarpment. This unconventional lifestyle, only made possible by the freedom that substitute teaching allows, gives her the freedom to pursue her dreams. "To me, it's all about rediscovering the limits of the possible and empowering less fortunate women who can live vicariously through my privileged position."

Lucander's hands after latching on to the brutal crimps and sticking the final dyno to the chains.

Brian · · North Kingstown, RI · Joined Sep 2001 · Points: 804

It is good to read something other than bickering on Mountain Project, especially great reporting of a historic event. This is a true accomplishment for all women. I see that Lynn Hill is giving a talk at the Mohonk Visitor Center on Columbus Day weekend on the history of Gunks climbing. Perhaps Ursula should give a presentation also. Certainly this accomplishment deserves mention in the annals of Gunks climbing. Has she thought about going on a speaking tour?

NC Rock Climber · · The Oven, AKA Phoenix · Joined Dec 2009 · Points: 60

Like I said on Supertopo, WTF? I must be dense, but I am just not getting it...

R. Moran · · Moab , UT · Joined Mar 2009 · Points: 140

Hillary 16'

chuffnugget · · Bolder, CO · Joined Sep 2011 · Points: 0

Well done, could be an Onion article. Haters gunna hate. Live the gnar rad dream bro!

Gunkiemike · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2009 · Points: 3,492
NC Rock Climber wrote:Like I said on Supertopo, WTF? I must be dense, but I am just not getting it...
Rusty Trifle is a local 5.3 route.

Dave - AWESOME post.
Tanya McGowan · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Sep 2013 · Points: 20

girl power :)

Woodchuck ATC · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Nov 2007 · Points: 3,280

I hope it's Onion. I've been gone from the Gunks for too long to have even a WTF clue what this is about...must be a totally inside joke or story behind it for locals to enjoy and get a laugh.

GhaMby Eagan · · Heaven · Joined Oct 2006 · Points: 385

This is great, I love hearing about women getting out there and climbing, it's so cute how they play like boys on the weekend.

chris vultaggio · · The Gunks · Joined Dec 2008 · Points: 535

I was at the trapps one afternoon as she walked by on the carriage road. You could just feel the confidence and power radiating as the jingle of her climbing gear carried on the crisp fall air. It was like standing next to Phelps, Armstrong, or any other crusher athlete.

I stalked her and her partner and watched in awe as they crushed Horseman - ill never look at that climb the same way.

doligo · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Sep 2008 · Points: 264
skitch wrote:This is great, I love hearing about women getting out there and climbing, it's so cute how they play like boys on the weekend.
Ugh! I hope it was a sarcastic remark. Actually, now that I think of it, the OP's patronizing tone perhaps was the cause of your sarcastic misogyny?
Alicia Sokolowski · · Brooklyn, NY · Joined Aug 2010 · Points: 1,781

Hey, I don't mean to be one of those fans, pushing you to greater and greater extremes until you have a career-ending brush with tragedy, but dammit, the people want to know...

WHEN WILL URSULA LEAD URSULA???????

Altered Ego · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Jul 2008 · Points: 0

This shit is no joke. It's the kind of shit that makes peoples lives better and can change the course of nations! Just ask the Gear Co-op.

QdeBees · · Boulder, CO · Joined Sep 2009 · Points: 5

Wow, this is so inspiring.

That could be me, if I'd just work a little harder. Damn.

I thought the bit about the fistula was gratuitous, however. Restraint is the soul and essence of a good troll.

Thank you, Lucander!

Gunks . · · Gunks, NY · Joined Apr 2007 · Points: 195

You go girl! So proud of you, Ursula.

Woodchuck ATC · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Nov 2007 · Points: 3,280

I think the pic of her hands show they are waay too clean, neat, nice looking for having done such hideously tough climbing. I'm now leaning to fake claim of ascent!!! We need some action pics posted soon.

Patrick Vernon · · Grand Junction, CO · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 965

Hilarious!

Russ Keane · · Salt Lake · Joined Feb 2013 · Points: 392

"It's like when I see her grab that jug, I feel myself grabbing democracy," said Farah el-Hajj-al Malik from behind her veil.

Classic!

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

Northeastern States
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