Potential issues with placing someone else's nuts in your mouth.

I recently posted an ad on MountainProject for a trad climbing mentor and was told I was going to die. I then scoured Craigslist Boulder, Denver, Trinidad and finally rockclimbing.com for a partner who would be willing to mentor me in all of the traditional arts of climbing. The post was simple; "sport climber wanting to learn trad. Have rope and 9 draws. Lead 5.11, toprope 12-. You bring patience and "rack "; I'll bring a learning spirit - and a beer."
I received 5 or 6 responses and narrowed it two people, an older experienced gentle climber who said he had all the gear we’d need and another email which seemed to be a rant demanding I bring chocolate, Scotch and put my boxers on backwards in case of an emergency Bivy - it sounded scary; he was my back up.

We met at the Eldorado Spring Canyon State Park parking lot and chose a moderate route. He didn't speak very much but grinned a little here and there and would point out other climbs as we walked by speaking softly but confident. We finally arrived at the base of our chosen climb; I put on my brand new BD helmet (without stickers) and he put on a red wool alpine hat with a green feather, I thought perhaps he was an elf. He deftly led the first pitch, and at a comfortable belay on a ledge he offered me the next lead. I wasn't entire sure I wanted to do this, but his gentle words of encouragement and knowledgeable description of what lay ahead of me put me at ease enough to take the rack and start up the pitch.
The next few feet changed my life forever.
I climbed easy terrain and felt it was time to place protective gear, 'Pro' as I read in the magazines, It seemed appropriate to place a nut in the constriction directly in front of me. With on hand free and one on the rock, my natural tendency was to place the chosen nut in my mouth, hold it firm with my lips and tongue, then place it in the constriction, testing with a firm tug. I can't explain why, but I simply looked at the opening and my mind registered which nut to put in my mouth, grip and place in that space. I clipped on a 'biner (my sincere apologies, I meant mexican american) and continued up, happily placing nut after nut in my mouth prior to putting them in the crack. Each time the constriction would be level with my nose, each time intimately touching that bulbed end and tugging on the attached wire. I scarcely remember the climb itself. I recall the man in the elf hat congratulating me on a fine climb and offering his phone number at the end of the day for another adventure.
That night I couldn't sleep. I lay awake staring at the ceiling reminiscing about those nuts, and where I put them. Then something tragic hit me. I met this guy on the internet! How do I know I was the only person to ever have his nuts in my mouth? He never mentioned climbing with another but I know he has to have climbed with at least one other person? Did that person use his nuts? How did they place them? Would he have washed his nuts after the climb? I had no idea, but my heart sank at the realization that I was not his only climbing partner and that I may have been just one of many to place his nuts into my lush oral cavity. I immediately ran to the bathroom to inspect for sores.
However that next week I called him hoping he'd answer, no luck, it went to voice mail. I tried to remain calm, "he's in a meeting". or "He's on the other line", anything to make me feel better. Later in the week, perhaps out of curiosity or obsession, I joined a trad Climbing Meetup Group and contacted another potential partner that had a rack. I specifically asked about his nuts, he calmly stated that he used mostly cams. I rescinded my offer and hung up, disappointed, I was a little nervous about placing a cam, as I knew they would expand dramatically in my mouth and I was scared I would choke.
Thursday, He called! I did my best to contain my excitement as we talked about when and where to meet this coming Saturday. I looked up the climb in the guidebook and started forming mental pictures of where I'd place those nuts, and which crack would be best for each. I tried to measure with my thumb, and practiced placing with using different sized measuring spoons.
Saturday came and I was almost skipping to the base of the climb. As we put on our harnesses I glanced over and noticed he had a completely different set of nuts! I was shocked and completely stopped what I was doing. He asked if there was a problem and I told him bluntly, "I was looking forward to placing your nuts, what are these?" He calmly replied that those other nuts belonged to his roommate’s girlfriend which he borrowed because he was in a hurry and couldn't find his own, and that this set was indeed his nuts.

I was completely shocked to say the least, the nuts that I so dearly wanted to place belonged to someone I'd never met? And a girl at that?
What do I do now? How do I continue climbing with someone when I can't even trust that the nuts I put in my mouth belong to the person I'm with?
Has anyone else had this experience? What did you do? I've started carrying small bottles of mouthwash with me on climbs, is this effective enough to stop any disease transfer?

wtf

Boring day at work, eh! Your post has me questioning my sexuality after all these years of climbing on nuts.

I'm sorry I read that thing. I thought there would be a serious question in there. I want my money back. A complete refund of my time is warranted.

I believe you can have just as much fun with nuts away from climbing. In your case, probably more.

Chris Darr wrote:I recently posted an ad on MountainProject for a trad climbing mentor and was told I was going to die. I then scoured Craigslist Boulder, Denver, Trinidad and finally rockclimbing.com for a partner who would be willing to mentor me in all of the traditional arts of climbing. The post was simple; "sport climber wanting to learn trad. Have rope and 9 draws. Lead 5.11, toprope 12-. You bring patience and "rack "; I'll bring a learning spirit - and a beer." I received 5 or 6 responses and narrowed it two people, an older experienced gentle climber who said he had all the gear we’d need and another email which seemed to be a rant demanding I bring chocolate, Scotch and put my boxers on backwards in case of an emergency Bivy - it sounded scary; he was my back up. We met at the Eldorado Spring Canyon State Park parking lot and chose a moderate route. He didn't speak very much but grinned a little here and there and would point out other climbs as we walked by speaking softly but confident. We finally arrived at the base of our chosen climb; I put on my brand new BD helmet (without stickers) and he put on a red wool alpine hat with a green feather, I thought perhaps he was an elf. He deftly led the first pitch, and at a comfortable belay on a ledge he offered me the next lead. I wasn't entire sure I wanted to do this, but his gentle words of encouragement and knowledgeable description of what lay ahead of me put me at ease enough to take the rack and start up the pitch. The next few feet changed my life forever. I climbed easy terrain and felt it was time to place protective gear, 'Pro' as I read in the magazines, It seemed appropriate to place a nut in the constriction directly in front of me. With on hand free and one on the rock, my natural tendency was to place the chosen nut in my mouth, hold it firm with my lips and tongue, then place it in the constriction, testing with a firm tug. I can't explain why, but I simply looked at the opening and my mind registered which nut to put in my mouth, grip and place in that space. I clipped on a 'biner (my sincere apologies, I meant mexican american) and continued up, happily placing nut after nut in my mouth prior to putting them in the crack. Each time the constriction would be level with my nose, each time intimately touching that bulbed end and tugging on the attached wire. I scarcely remember the climb itself. I recall the man in the elf hat congratulating me on a fine climb and offering his phone number at the end of the day for another adventure. That night I couldn't sleep. I lay awake staring at the ceiling reminiscing about those nuts, and where I put them. Then something tragic hit me. I met this guy on the internet! How do I know I was the only person to ever have his nuts in my mouth? He never mentioned climbing with another but I know he has to have climbed with at least one other person? Did that person use his nuts? How did they place them? Would he have washed his nuts after the climb? I had no idea, but my heart sank at the realization that I was not his only climbing partner and that I may have been just one of many to place his nuts into my lush oral cavity. I immediately ran to the bathroom to inspect for sores. However that next week I called him hoping he'd answer, no luck, it went to voice mail. I tried to remain calm, "he's in a meeting". or "He's on the other line", anything to make me feel better. Later in the week, perhaps out of curiosity or obsession, I joined a trad Climbing Meetup Group and contacted another potential partner that had a rack. I specifically asked about his nuts, he calmly stated that he used mostly cams. I rescinded my offer and hung up, disappointed, I was a little nervous about placing a cam, as I knew they would expand dramatically in my mouth and I was scared I would choke. Thursday, He called! I did my best to contain my excitement as we talked about when and where to meet this coming Saturday. I looked up the climb in the guidebook and started forming mental pictures of where I'd place those nuts, and which crack would be best for each. I tried to measure with my thumb, and practiced placing with using different sized measuring spoons. Saturday came and I was almost skipping to the base of the climb. As we put on our harnesses I glanced over and noticed he had a completely different set of nuts! I was shocked and completely stopped what I was doing. He asked if there was a problem and I told him bluntly, "I was looking forward to placing your nuts, what are these?" He calmly replied that those other nuts belonged to his roommate’s girlfriend which he borrowed because he was in a hurry and couldn't find his own, and that this set was indeed his nuts. I was completely shocked to say the least, the nuts that I so dearly wanted to place belonged to someone I'd never met? And a girl at that? What do I do now? How do I continue climbing with someone when I can't even trust that the nuts I put in my mouth belong to the person I'm with? Has anyone else had this experience? What did you do? I've started carrying small bottles of mouthwash with me on climbs, is this effective enough to stop any disease transfer?

That was frickin awesome. Well done. Ignore the haters that take climbing and gear seriously.

Bravo!

I laughed. I'd like to see the following character more developed:

Chris Darr wrote:another email which seemed to be a rant demanding I bring chocolate, Scotch and put my boxers on backwards in case of an emergency Bivy - it sounded scary; he was my back up.

Yer Gonna Die........

Just remember, you aren't just sharing nuts with that one stranger, you are sharing nuts with anyone that person has ever climbed with. On the other hand, if polyamorous nut usage really gets your crank going, you might be interested in joining the brotherhood of the traveling stopper. It is heavy on the talk and light on the action, but they could use some youthful rejuvenation.

This changed my life. I didn't realize how much thinking I should be doing before rushing into that kind of thing, putting someone else's nuts in my mouth and all.

which seemed to be a rant demanding I bring chocolate, Scotch and put my boxers on backwards in case of an emergency Bivy - it sounded scary; he was my back up.

I wonder he had nice nuts, if he had planned to chocolate them up before you put them in your mouth.

Yup, boredom was a factor. It just seemed fun to do and was largely born from banter while leading Heavy Weather using only nuts. It largely meant about soloing the last two pitches - almost.

Well done. I chuckled.

I think you blew your load with the thread title, the rest was just needless cuddling.

Here is a nut that has seen more action than any other mountainproject.com/v/the-b…

Imagine all those mouths on it.

Matt N wrote:I think you blew your load with the thread title, the rest was just needless cuddling.

I always have the second clean my nuts.

skitch wrote:I always have the second clean my nuts.

Awesone