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Men only: How do you keep yourself scruffy and manly looking in the woods?

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Finn The Human · · The Land of Ooo · Joined Jul 2008 · Points: 106

I'm serious about the men only thing. It seems like every time I head out into the woods I come out looking cleaner and more feminine than when I went in. What are your tips for staying rugged and manly?

Ben · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Sep 2003 · Points: 10

Testosterone cream.

Dom Caron · · Welsford, New Brunswick Canada · Joined Dec 2007 · Points: 1,370
Taylor Ogden wrote:I'm serious about the men only thing. It seems like every time I head out into the woods I come out looking cleaner and more feminine than when I went in. What are you tips for staying rugged and manly?
What'S your secret? It seems I have acquired the nickname Hobbit feet anytime I go climbing in the woods...
Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520

I have always wanted to know the secret! Thanks for putting this up.

Jeremy Hand · · Northern VA · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 100

Allow me to begin.

The Five Easy Steps to Keeping Your Manly Self Scruffy and Manly

4 bottles of Rittenhouse Rye Whiskey
---
1 to douse yourself with repeatedly throughout the day
the other three to drink while you're enjoying the woods (I'm assuming this is a day hike?)

Make sure you wear a thick, wool, RED, plaid, button down, long-sleeved shirt and if it is unseasonably warm don't forget your short, blue-jean, hand-cut shorts

A bottle of Uncle Franks Genuine Hair Tonic to apply atleast 10-15 times to your arms, face, neck, and (most importantly) your bush
--- for an extra thick coat that peeks out from your short shorts apply liberally atleast 20 times daily--

And of course a bottle of Axe Spray deodorant... any scent will do

EXCEPT THAT CHOCOLATE SHIIII gtfouttaherewiththat!

You're Welcome.

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520

So, should I stop flossing when I am in the woods to keep up my manly breath? I'm a bit concerned that this might be harmful to my gums. Would the whiskey help the tooth rot?

Is there a fine line between manly and Ted Kaczynski? Or was he actually pretty manly but misunderstood? I tried the big bear beard and after a month it was just too scratchy and my girl didn't like how it tickled her cheecks. Maybe there is some product to soften the beard out there? I know, not manly but a compromise.

I also wonder if talking about gourmet food is manly or not. If I curse when I talk about it, that should make anything more manly, right? Fucking put some fresh basil on it.

randy88fj62 · · Unknown Hometown · Joined May 2010 · Points: 291

Watch crocodile dundee for the secret tips.

rging · · Salt Lake City, Ut · Joined Jul 2011 · Points: 210

You aren't staying out long enough. When people won't come within a half mile of you then you know.

Morgan Patterson · · NH · Joined Oct 2009 · Points: 8,945

be sure to soil yourself at least once a day... cleaning optional.

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520
Morgan Patterson wrote:be sure to soil yourself at least once a day... cleaning optional.
No, that's the Nuge's tip for avoiding the draft.
Dave-o Friedman · · Fort Collins · Joined Jan 2006 · Points: 5

Eating my own brand of Glutenaise helps to keep me manly, and repel any Boulder hipsters when in the woods.

Crag Dweller · · New York, NY · Joined Jul 2006 · Points: 125

I've always just rolled around in the dirt 2-3 times a day. Clearly, I'm not giving enough attention to my masculine hygiene.

Caleb Cerling · · Boulder, CO · Joined Mar 2010 · Points: 55

I usually like to start my mornings off with this

youtube.com/watch?v=mX60S8r…

MTN MIA · · Vail · Joined May 2006 · Points: 405

Men.......you don't have to try to be scruffy.....you already are and will always be....... Manly on the other hand????? Oh boy, you may need help there.....

Jeremy Hand · · Northern VA · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 100
Mia Tucholke wrote:Men.......you don't have to try to be scruffy.....you already are and will always be....... Manly on the other hand????? Oh boy, you may need help there.....
Men only! Learn to READ gah!
Insert name · · Harts Location · Joined Dec 2011 · Points: 46

acquire a bromance.

Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520
Mia Tucholke wrote:Manly on the other hand????? Oh boy, you may need help there.....
Well, uh, we could run some ideas by a focus group and see what they say. Would that work for you?

I think drinking French Roast is pretty manly, even though it has the word "French" there.
Boissal . · · Small Lake, UT · Joined Aug 2006 · Points: 1,541
Stich wrote: Well, uh, we could run some ideas by a focus group and see what they say. Would that work for you? I think drinking French Roast is pretty manly, even though it has the word "French" there.
I have it on pretty good authority that no self-respecting Frenchman would ever be caught drinking French Roast. That shit's vile. Grounds in nalgene and filter using teeth might give you a couple of man points...
DBarton · · CENTENNIAL, CO · Joined Oct 2010 · Points: 105
Stich wrote: Well, uh, we could run some ideas by a focus group and see what they say. Would that work for you? I think drinking French Roast is pretty manly, even though it has the word "French" there.
You Mean FREEDOM Roast! Also, make sure to carry a sword. The longer the better.
Tim Stich · · Colorado Springs, Colorado · Joined Jan 2001 · Points: 1,520
DBarton wrote: You Mean FREEDOM Roast!
Oh, how I love this 1990s hommage to the French not participating in Gulf War I. Ha ha ha! Brilliant! I love it so much that I named a small climb I bolted at Reimer's "Freedom Fries."

Oh, shit. What where we talking about?
Christian "crisco" Burrell · · PG, Utah · Joined May 2007 · Points: 1,815

How in the world does being outside make you MORE feminine?

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

General Climbing
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