Top Ten Trademarks of Sketchball Climbers

Hank, lots of very good climbers wear the belay glasses at your gym. I'm just not one them. But I have given chiropractors lots of money to fix my whiplash so the glasses get two thumbs up from me.

A couple for the list: the guy who wears his lucky hat instead of a helmet; said hat was a Gilligan hat but is so encrusted with dirt and grease from never being washed it is shiney, brown and stiff. Also has his original hand tied slings that are faded from being used for 20 years. Ancient harness. Uses bowline as tie in. And belays 3rd on a static line he found somewhere (location to remain unnamed).

Hank, lots of very good climbers wear the belay glasses at your gym.quote>

THE TOPIC IS NOT ABOUT VERY GOOD CLIMBERS PEOPLE!! IT'S ABOUT SKETCHBALLS AND PEOPLE THAT WEAR THOSE MORONICAL GLASSES FITS THAT CATEGORY. IF ALEX HONNOLD WAS WEARING THOSE BELAY GLASSES HE WOULD BE A SKETCHBALL TOO!!!!

youtube.com/watch?v=VyFpOp8…

1-gym climbers
2-gym owners
3-credit card climbers
4-people who care more about the rules than safty
5-climbers who point and laugh at me while I am hitchhiking
6-sales people with little or no experience who get pro deals
and will lie to you to get a sale/
7-amga guides who force you to pull your own slack thru the atc and claim thats rope drag you just have to get used to it / WHILE I'M LEADING!
8-belayers who refuse to take in slack and shout just go for it.
9-people who don't listen
10-people who say things like "I don't like to be called a dumb ass homi."

Here's a good sign your partner is a sketchball:

Drops his ATC from the the anchors. WHILE you are "on belay".

True story.

• Still has quickdraws that were at one time day-glo (oh wait, thats me)
• Thinks the high speed lower to 3' off the deck is funny
• Answers every bit of beta instruction with "thats what she said"
• Answers the query of do you know where the belay device is with "if it were up your ass you'd know"
• Always says "rocket power" every time he farts on route

1. Refuses to buy guidebooks because he can borrow yours and make copies ("Why spend my money?"). Especially when he will go there many times.

2. Refuses to drive his car...ever.

3. Out of town climbing trips are based on where he can stay for free at a friend's house ("I'm coming over to visit!")

4. Won't offer to coil the rope or help re-rack gear. Must be asked, every time.

5. Answers cell phone while belaying or climbing (I know this is a repeat).

6. Says "Up rope" when there is no slack because they're gripped (hey, I've done that!)

7. Stacks/flakes rope/pulls uber-slow. At glacial speed.

8. Packs at the trailhead, knowing at least the day before that we're going climbing.

9. Thinks it's helpful to yell "Just go for it, dude."

10. Uses terms like "Homes," "Dude" or "Brah" because he thinks it sounds oool. Or "sick."

11. Has all kinds of crap dangling from the outside of his pack on the approach. Even though there is plenty of room inside.

Taylor Ogden wrote: Bonus points to Old Custer for guessing within 10 lbs of my actual weight.

"10-people who say things like "I don't like to be called a dumb ass homi."
Ha this is a great one. I have offended a few people by calling them a dumb ass. But you are entitled to be called a dumb ass when you are a sketchball.

The worst is the newbs or bouldering newbs who ask questions about trad. "So...like... those things just hold you man?" or "how do those things work?". "You are a dumb ass," is usually my go to response.

Hank Caylor wrote:Hank, lots of very good climbers wear the belay glasses at your gym.quote> THE TOPIC IS NOT ABOUT VERY GOOD CLIMBERS PEOPLE!! IT'S ABOUT SKETCHBALLS AND PEOPLE THAT WEAR THOSE MORONICAL GLASSES FITS THAT CATEGORY. IF ALEX HONNOLD WAS WEARING THOSE BELAY GLASSES HE WOULD BE A SKETCHBALL TOO!!!!

My favorite line from a sketchy climber is "I boulder like v7. So I need to just go for some 5.12 trad now" bearing in mind I have never seen him do anything but hangdog on my pre placed gear on a 5.10

Hank Caylor wrote:By this criteria, I am the LEAST sketchball climber ever. 1.I love to tell you about my climbing experience. 2. I'll give you all the slack you want, or hoist you up the route, whatever you want. 3.I actually have to beg my partners to put in more gear, I climb with some bold freaks. 4.I believe my way of climbing is only good for me, so whatever you want to try is fine. 5.I only think bouldering is wierd(even though I own 3 crashpads). 6.I've been a guide since High School, screwing over the 2nd is grounds for no beer. 7.I'm into catching and eating Bettys, not mariposa. 8.If you know the climber can't do the move, why give em 10 feet of slack and then hoist them up again and again everytime they fall. 9.Even if it is casual, I wail, spray and gnash my teeth about how grim it is. 10.It's a law, the second you pick your nose while belaying, that's when the climber will fall, even on a simple warm-up. There you have it Kayte, tell Jay I'm good to go!

Ben F wrote: Agreed - having tape gloves, but no hexes or tricams says "don't know what I'm doing." Specifically, people who do nothing but stab cams into the rock while missing bomber passive gear placement aren't mechanically inclined enough to be leading.

ha, someone used alex honnold as an example... love the guy and hate to point it out but anyone that solos half dome is sketch in my book! LOL...

fun thread, thanks

jon

p.s. also can't beat the guy that constantly says his shoes don't fit, changes several pairs throughout the day, and still blames the shoe rubber, fit, laces, lackthereof, velcro, heel, etc... always cracks me up when i mentally look at royal robbins' "climbing shoes" in his climbing books... i don't think ma man blamed it on the shoes...

Jon O'Brien wrote:also can't beat the guy that constantly says his shoes don't fit, changes several pairs throughout the day, and still blames the shoe rubber, fit, laces, lackthereof, velcro, heel, etc... always cracks me up when i mentally look at royal robbins' "climbing shoes" in his climbing books... i don't think ma man blamed it on the shoes...

#1people who climb in sticky rubber
#2people who think sport climbing is a sport
#3people who type on the internet
#4people who read stupid comments on the internet
#5me
#6people who say who when the're suposed to say what
#7people who you can't even tell are people
#8people reading read and right and don't know what left is.
#9people who can't get past #9
#10 silly people

people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band

People who belay you using a swiss seat made from their frayed car tow rope. I'm just too trusting I know.

Mike Lane wrote:*Answers every bit of beta instruction with "thats what she said"

Old Custer wrote: "You, sir, are passive aggressive."

Once saw a guy giving a belay with the biner locked OPEN, and he was anchored by a sling girth hitched to the back of his harness, turns out the climber was an expert because he was an Army Ranger and NOLS student, but in the 70's.