Top Ten Trademarks of Sketchball Climbers

Dusty wrote: Jesus isn't your go-to belayer?

He dropped me once. I don't trust him anymore.

insists on using a "single" 8 mil double rope designed for use with two to save weight on The Barb on Spearhead. "Dude we just wont fall"

Dare I say drunken night soloing at the Voo.... This is acceptable behavior I think?

Having 6 pints at the Southern Sun then climbing the Bastile Crack in two pitches at night.... Falling over at the first belay... Returing to the sun for more beer happy as ever... not stupid when you have it wired... and your a professional alcoholic right?

Soloing the first flat iron by moonlight stoned... wait thats just Buff tradition not sketchball... right?

I mean its not sketchball if everbody does it right? Everybody does does it... I think... All pun's intended.. these events are real, names have been changed to protect the inocent...

Dude this shit is hilarious... Soloing routes in eldo with a video camera in one hand for a slide show..

Tony B wrote: He dropped me once. I don't trust him anymore.

He's got bad hands, he can't help it.

Other problem attitudes that drive me nuts:

-They show up late, or don’t show at all
-They have a real dark disposition like I mean if you’re made to endure extended periods of brooding, stony silence, bombarded with negative vibes.
- “Can’t do” work ethic- they just don’t get it and don’t think aggressively to go after all peripheral rope, gear, and misc. tasks to keep good momentum throughout the day. No concept of systematizing the diddlyshit with a 50-50 split of tasks by nonverbal efficient consensus.
-“Can’t do” climbing ethic- incessant bitchin’ over the climbing challenges, always predicting failure, and giving in too easily. On the other hand, I’m all in favor of a modicum of negative mockery- just so’s you look stylin’ if and when you get the damn thing.

Anyone that needs Cpl Buzzkill tattooed across their hifalutin candied-ass

You might know this guy: he's known as Crazy John!

1. Refuses to place gear when a piece is recommended in a guide book and trust his life to a single bolt on a 30 footer.
2. Tell's you just before leaving the belay "I'm still drunk, but my heads into it."
3. Talks to himself while belaying you.
4. Yells at himself while belaying you.
5. Usually falls asleep sitting upright in a camp chair, mid conversation with a half full glass of cheap wine in his hand.
6. Hasn't been laid in a month, and uses sleazy come ons to every girl he has a chance to talk to.
7. Talks a lot about the time he spent in prison.
8. Had a schizophrenic episode the night before your climbing day and threatened to kill you!
9. Doesn't take his contact out... EVER!
10. Brags about how many people wont climb with him.

Good man though!

Brian Scoggins wrote: They wear a trucker hat, aging work boots, and carhardts, have subtle speech impediment, smoke a LOT of weed, and alternate between Indian Creek and the Wild Iris, living off of shoe resoles and cam trigger repairs. Also, they climb without chalk all the time, and live in a camper that has a high end gaming computer in it.

Hmmmm, pretty sure we all know this guy. I love watching him find the unsupecting victims who dont know who he is yet. I have turned tail and gone to a different crag after seeing the motorcycle parked where I was planning on going.

amen.

• double backing their Depends adult diaper *

At least they know to double back! Wont find their harness, or worse their depends, around their feet on a lead climb.

In my limited climbing career I have been lucky to have good partners. I did encounter a total clown once though. I was leading a route that I thought highly likely I would fall on. At the first crux the sketchball freeclimbs behind me claiming that he "would catch me". He WOULD NOT MOVE. So, when I fell my belayer opted to spare his life and I got to fall a little farther. No harm done this time.

All fine examples of natural selection.

Tits McGee wrote: He's got bad hands, he can't help it.

Huge Flappers. Owch.

This has turned out to be very entertaining reading. I think I jinxed myself by posting it though, so I must rescind. I was the sketchiest sketch ball of all today...the girl crying on the warm up, meltdown.

They drive a yellow mini-van and lurk for unsuspecting partners in the Tuolumne Store parking lot. Double bonus if his name is Ted.

I'm sure you merely cried because you were overjoyed at the prospect of touching stone that was above 16 degrees Fahrenheit.

1)Produce farts the both are lighter than and heavier than air, depending on their proximity to you
2)Bring beer only for themselves
3)Launch into stern lectures when you step on their ropes with bare feet
4)Profusely apologize when they aid through the hard moves
5)Vehemently berate you when you aid through the hard moves
6)Primp
7)Only buy Arc'teryx
8)Won't climb with you because you aren't helping them climb harder
9)Get indignant when you don't shout constant encouragement
10)Are miffed that you retold their story about how they chose their tattoo design without asking permission

Mark Cushman wrote:1. Can't do the approach without stopping every 5 minutes 2. Dropping gear is standard practice 3. Routefinding? What routefinding? 4. Take tons of posing pictures to document their "sick" ascent 5. Fall seconding 5.4 6. Fall leading slabs 7. Get lost on the descent 8. Claim to climb "5.9+" in Eldo but can't pull easy 5.7 9. Harness falls off on lead 10. Nipple rings get caught on partner's nut tool I wonder who I'm talking about...

Ahhhhhahahahaha. There's just one man that could envoke such infamy

• Yells "WATCH ME" while on top rope. Oh wait I've done that!
• Thinks the "Creek" refers to Clear Creek.

1) Travel long distances to climb at mediocre bouldering areas
2) They refer to famous climbers they’ve never met by their first name, like they’re old buds
3) They own seven crash pads, no trad gear, and climb v2
4) They have their “lead climbing certified” tag attached to their harness when they climb at the crag
5) They talk about their sick blue proj in the gym. “Prolly a sandbag at twelve plus”
6) They only climb radically steep sport routes
7) “This crag sucks, where are the 5.12s?” and they can’t even climb 5.10
8) Their Suburu is plastered with stickers for climbing companies that they’ve never bought anything from.
9) They take pictures of their sport “rack” and post them online.
10) They complain when 5.9s are underbolted, even if they can onsight 5.12

Bonus 11) They know how much every piece of gear weighs (in grams) and know the pros and cons of everthting but they've never even seen said gear in person.
Bonus 12) They "love the challenge of climbing in the desert"... and they're talking about bouldering.

All of these are from first hand experience...

1. Only know how to lead belay using a gri gri.
2. All their gear looks brand new.
3. They don't check their partner before he/she starts climbing.
4. They compare outside routes to routes at the gym.
5. They think that there is only one right way to do something.
6. They have one of those weird single strand belay devices that you can't rappel on.
7. They don't wear a helmet.
8. Won't take advice from other climbers that don't climb as hard as them.
9. Don't use any sort of climbing commands.
10. Have a Colorado license plate (haha, just kidding).

1. Bail directly off of bolt hangers.
2. Can't tie and haven't heard of a munter hitch.
3. Get a cam stuck within the first 10 feet of a 5.7.
4. Don't know how to use long runners to eliminate drag.
5. Tie rap slings on ridiculously small trees.
6. American Death Triangle is preferred.
7. Don't bring enough gear or quickdraws due to ignorance.
8. Consistently tangle the rope.
9. Whine about approaches.
10. Stop in the middle of a pitch to answer their cellphone.

Greg wrote:1) Are "regulars" in Mountain Project forums. 2) Epitomize the lyrics to "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen. 3) Post alot. 4) Start generalized threads about other climbers they dislike. 5) Change their names and think its hilarious like this is rockclimbing .com 6) Plan or attend with anticipation, Mountain Project Beer Nights. 7) They don't know Hank Caylor at all but kiss his ass online. 8) Will become slightly upset with this list. 9) Don't have numbers on their list that pertain to them. 10) I'm listing 9 not 10. Just flicking the jab.

#7 saved me on 2 counts.
He's kissed my neck, but I've never kissed his ass. His wife, yes, but never his ass.

#1 they show up at the crag with a newbie. asks them if they know how to lead belay (which they don't). Give's them a 2 minute tutorial on belaying and then climbs, know that they don't know how to belay.
TOTAL SKETCHBALL

then when they say "take" the belayer responds "what?"