Ever Wonder Why?

I started climbing about 1976. That means that for the last 32 years I've spent a good part of my free time scrambling over scree fields, up talus slopes, sleeping on the ground, cold , wet, dirty, and just generally having a GREAT time. But some times when I'm up on the rock could be 40' or 400' off the ground smearing up a face or jamming a crack, sometimes I just think to my self What The F**K am I doing up here!! Any one else ever feel like that?

The funny thing is by the time we're packing to leave I'm already looking forward to the next great adventure. How odd is that? Maybe I just get a little scared sometimes?

Thanks for listening,
Robert

I once read that one of the best attributes a climber can possess is a poor memory....
Or maybe a selective one?

For me, it's always been the fact that I'm asking the question "what the hell am I doing?" The asking provides the answer.

Never.

Yea, but rarely and usually on occasions such as a lightning storm or rain starting while on runout friction. I ask myself, "Maybe I should take up bowling?".

But then, I am back at it the next week.

Who said, "The golden sieve of memory."?

I usually only think that at the gym.

Oh, wait. And at work. Yes, I do think that a lot at work. Well, more than a lot. Pretty much the entire course of the workday including right before I get up to the moment I arrive home. The only time I'm not thinking that is when my boss is babbling his usual mindless shit at me and then I drift off mentally so where I may look like I'm paying attention to him I'm really just watching his mouth move and nodding but actually I'm imagining how great it would be to pinch the F'er to death...

Mike,

Maybe you need a personal mission statement. I'm not talking about goals here - I'm talking about a statement that can guide you through life towards a more rewarding, achievement based outcome. A better you! And through my program you can realize your full potential and lead a better.. ahh f' it. Just smoke some weed.

I find I have most of my doubts about what I'm doing on the night before or the drive up. But all the fear floats away after the first pitch.

"I play Russian roulette everyday
a man's sport
with a bullet called life.."
-System of a Down

Mike Lane wrote:I usually only think that at the gym. Oh, wait. And at work. Yes, I do think that a lot at work. Well, more than a lot. Pretty much the entire course of the workday including right before I get up to the moment I arrive home. The only time I'm not thinking that is when my boss is babbling his usual mindless shit at me and then I drift off mentally so where I may look like I'm paying attention to him I'm really just watching his mouth move and nodding but actually I'm imagining how great it would be to pinch the F'er to death...

Haha, anyone who's had a chance to work with mike can confirm most of this, except I think I've recieved the "pinch him to death look"!

On even my favorite highballs I think that, death gripping the hold...

My father is a boater. All his life he has loved being on boats no matter how big or luxurious, or lack thereof in either regard. So once, while out with him enjoying a Guinness on his boat, he responded to my question as to why his love of boating: "Well, it's because when you're on a boat, all your troubles and worries stay back on land."

Now i can honestly say, as far as life in general goes, i've got it pretty good. No big worries, bills, or troubles in general but it's allot like that for me with climbing. When i'm out there, i don't think of anything dealing with work, school, how long i've put off all those projects around the house. It's like a different world for me. In fact, sometimes when i come home it almost seems surreal that i was ever really there. Climbing burrowed itself deep in my soul back in Garden of the Gods in the summer of 90; it's been there ever since. I think it will always be there. Being out with company that share similar feelings towards climbing has provided an assurance (validity unknown) that i'm not a certifiable headcase fit for padded accommodations.

Now here's one to ponder: My biggest fear or worry is that i'll one day lose my ability to climb. I know it's coming but i'm most worried that it will happen prematurely (you can already see it coming can't you) ... I climb to escape the worry that i'll one day not be able to. Well, thanks for the thread - i learned something new today. I now know why i climb. =)

Hey Daryl,
Well spoken man. I also find myself thinking about my time left climbing, and climbing more to stop thinking about it.

I guess I climb to focus on something so intensly that the everyday crap falls off of my shoulder, even if only for a few hours. Oh, and so I have an excuse to wear multi-colored neon lycra! Badass!!

Kudos for the thought provoking question. I'd have to say if I'm asking myself WTF am I doing here, it's when I'm beating the crap out of myself training so that I can get out and achieve the climbing goals I'd like to accomplish. As soon as my body cooperates and gets stronger, I'll start being a little nicer to it... unless someone knows something I don't about improving at climbing.
Cheers,
BA

Robert 560 wrote:...sometimes I just think to my self What The F**K am I doing up here!! Any one else ever feel like that?

I definitely get that feeling. It's usually followed by the I-should-have-taken-up-golf-instead thought.

--Marc

Robert, good post and question. I've been thinking a lot along these lines the last few years. I'm 51, been climbing for 20+ years. What is even more strange is that I have had a really productive year so far (Epinenpherine, Eagle Dance, Primrose Dihedral, Scenic Cruise, Diamond)and yet I can't help but feel it is time to "dial it down" a few notches.

I'm not ready to "hit the couch" yet but sometimes I'm just tired of the beating that my body takes. In addition, I just can't dial in the mental focus I used to have in reserve.

When I think about it though I have been in some kind of mental and physical workout mode for about 35 - 40 years of my life. I started involvment with team sports (football & basketball) from elementary through college years. In fact, I think the physically hardest challenges came from two a day football practices in the August heat in Kansas. So, sometimes, I just think maybe I have used up my reservoirs of discipline and focus.

Funny how climbing can weave it's way into your mind. Everytime I do a major (physically & mentally) route I swear I'm going to start focusing on mellow moderates. But then, as soon as I get home I start planning a return to what I just got off of. For instance, I want to go back to Primrose (or Scenic Cruise) and see if I can repeat in better style! Go figure!

I'm fortunate in that I've got a good group of younger climbing buddies that help keep my drive alive. Maybe it's the teamwork and camaraderie that I can't imagine doing without?

One thing I am thankful for climbing is that it has forced me to keep myself in decent shape over the years so that I could get out and perform at a respectable level.

Let me know if anyone wants to hook up for an enjoyable, moderate multi-pitch trad route.

Robert 560 wrote:sometimes I just think to my self What The F**K am I doing up here!! Any one else ever feel like that?

Heck yeah - when the exposure is high and the pro is low, I get a case of Tourettes and start dropping the F-bombs at the rock. The 4-letter words begin to subside after placing more pro. After topping out, the feeling of "Man, that was AWESOME" hits, and it's time to plan the next adventure. Ahhh, climbing.

P.S. Ryan, don't make comments like "time left climbing" because I'm older than you, you youngun 31 year old! :) -Kateri

It doesn't have to be fun to be fun. -twight.

I've been caught in several lightning storms on climbs and asked myeslf why the f*** I put myself in those situations. The best ones are where you're in a storm and your ropes are stuck. During moments like those I've told myself that I'd never do that $hit again. Ha! Yeah right.

Then there was the time I got pummeled in the face by hail on Pitch 3 or 4 of Blackstar. There was a pretty crappy storm all over us. We had thunder, lightning, hail, rain. . .brrrrrr. We kept climbing. Here I am in a cave. I was cold but the pitch leading to this cave was so fun and exciting. The hail was hitting me so hard in the face that I couldn't look up. I climbed and kept yelling "wooo hoooo!!!!!!!" Tim can attest to this. I was having fun! I never once asked myself what the f*** I was doing up there.

*** wrote: P.S. Ryan, don't make comments like "time left climbing" because I'm older than you, you youngun 31 year old! :) -Kateri

While you might be older than me, it would be a collosal acheivement if you whined and sniveled more than I do during my "bouts with Tourretts"! So you see, finding partners who are hard of hearing is neccessary for me, and I'm sure you can see how that puts some statistical pressure on the likelyhood of my continuing to climb! ;)

Every so often any climber can find him/herself in situations where various "safeties" have been reduced or eliminated. You may find that you are down to just one factor separating you from oblivion (IE: one piece of gear, maybe even just one hold). When I used to get in those situations -which was not often- I'd get into high focus survival mode until the situation had lessened. At that point, for me at least, my focus would be so high on the tasks at hand that the WTFAIDH? question can't fit. Once safe, my ADD would kick in and I'd forget all about it.

So perhaps those who do ask themselves that question have a better sense of self-evaluating. Lord knows by the posts I do here that that is not one of my better qualities.

Climbing. It's kinda like having fun, only different.

Sometimes I walk up to a climb and think to myself, "What the hell are you thinking here." But that is only after I smoke a fatty J and my brain is telling me to stay on the ground were it is safe.

I think keeping a small amount of fear is a good thing. Helps from making stupid mistakes or taking unneeded risks.