I am an unusually poor climber who makes up for his oafish climbing style with an innate ability to devise quality reasons for not leading crux pitches. Working in scenic downtown Lincoln, Nebraska, most of my climbing is at the jungle gym provided by the University. I grew up in Colorado Springs, and perversely chose to attend the University of Nebraska-Lincoln to watch quality football. I am quite possibly the only person on the planet who has recorded no measurable improvement after several seasons of climbing.